Barely A Memory
by Vampire00Diaries
Summary: To make Elena human again, Stefan sacrifices himself. Upon giving up his life, he doesn't realize that Elena and Damon will do anything they can to bring him back. And when Stefan returns, Elena is heartbroken to learn that he no longer remembers her. Will Stefan and Elena be able to overcome the biggest obstacle they've ever faced? Can they start over completely?
1. Chapter 1

"Stefan, _stop_!" Elena's breath was sharp, her words bitterly defined as the youngest Salvatore stopped in his tracks and swung around to meet her fiery gaze. She watched the fog of his sharp exhale dissipate into the December air before speaking more softly. "This is ridiculous. You don't know what you're doing…"

Stefan's green eyes were usually more than expressive, but tonight, Elena could not see past the defeat in his gaze. "Yes. I do." He was calm –_too _calm—and part of her wanted him to get angry, to show her that he wasn't completely out of his mind.

"No, you don't!" She was raising her voice now. "You're going to get yourself killed over something pointless!"

"It's not pointless to me."

It had only been a few days since the cure to immortality was discovered, and, much to Damon and Elena's dismay, was not as easy to recover as expected. In order to bring back one's life, a sacrifice was required. Without thinking twice, Stefan nominated himself.

His mind was set. He began to walk away from her again, and Elena was just about to let him, her own anger overwhelming every other sense. "I can live with being a vampire, Stefan. It's not that bad," she tried. With those stinging words, Stefan swung around again.

"Did he send you here?"

Taken aback, Elena raised a brow. "What?"

"Damon sent you here," Stefan suggested, his tone replete with suspicion and, once again, defeat. And, for a split second, she swore she caught pain. Fathomless pain, "didn't he?"

She averted her gaze instantly, burying her hands inside of her pockets. She wasn't cold, but Elena could not shake the chills that seemed to be burning her from the inside out. "I don't see how that matters," she muttered. After recollecting herself, she turned her face up again. "I'm here, and I'm telling you not to do this."

If Elena hadn't been a vampire, she wouldn't have noticed the slight change in his posture, the way he waited a little too long to exhale after he took in a huge breath. Damon had taught her to pay attention to these little tells in victims, in prey. It gave away the fact that they were terrified of the attack to come. "Just answer one question," he requested. "Do you want to be a vampire? Do you want to be sired to Damon for the rest of your life?"

"Stefan…"

"Or would you rather be with him and _know _that what you're feeling is real?"

She bit her lip. "Don't do that."

Yet another visible emotion in Stefan was rising to the surface. Anger. Rage. "You don't want your perfect love with my brother to be proven true? You don't want to be human again?"

"Of course I do!" she answered far too quickly, regretting the words as soon as they escaped her lips. Once again, he put his guard up as she took this pause. Hesitantly, Elena took a step closer and gripped his hands. They felt like ice. "But not like this. You have to believe me."

He didn't. Ripping his hands away from hers, he turned his back and slowly, calmly, walked away again.

In a last attempt to stop him, Elena closed her eyes and said, "It won't work, you know." He froze, but did not turn. She took this as an opportunity to speak again. "The myth says that the sacrifice of true love is the only thing that can break a curse this big."

He let out a long, heavy breath. He knew the words that were about to come from her lips, and by no means did he try to stop her. "Yes, Elena?"

"You and I, we don't have that."

Stefan closed his eyes, shaking his head. A single tear fell from his eye as he did so, but he would never let Elena know that. "Anymore," he tried.

"No," Elena breathed. "We never had that, Stefan."

The silence was deafening.

He did not move an inch.

She instantly regretted the words.

"Maybe Damon should sacrifice himself then." Stefan's voice was flat despite the fact that his bottom lip was trembling.

"Maybe," Elena lied, though she knew that Stefan's brother would never do something this foolish. "If you… If you die Stefan, it'll be pointless."

She expected him to turn around, but instead, the sound of his boots getting farther and farther away was the only response she got. She could have sworn that she heard him whisper, "I guess we'll just have to see then."

She did not stop him.

And in one hour, when Caroline called, incoherently screaming about how she'd found the noblest Salvatore lifeless in a circle of ash and vervain, the realization of what she had lost over the past year crashed and hit Elena like a tidal wave.

She was never going to see Stefan again.

And the worst part... was the fact that she was human again.

* * *

_**A/N: Hey, everyone! It's been a long time! I'm so sorry for the lack of stories lately. I'm on break now and hopefully I'll get back into the swing of things! Let me know if you liked this story please and if you'd like to see another chapter. I got this idea because there has been a lot of speculation within the TVD fandom over the possibility of Stefan sacrificing himself. If you'd like to hear a genius theory which inspired this idea, look up somerhalder-wesley! It's quite interesting! **_

_**Anyways, I hope you liked this little prologue! Next chapter, Stefan will be back obviously! :) Please give me your thoughts: if you liked it, if you hated it. Any feedback is much appreciated and will definitely help me get back into writing TVD fiction! As long as you guys want an update, I will write an update!  
**_

_**Thanks so much! Xoxo**_


	2. Chapter 2

Elena sat in the parlor of the Salvatore mansion, an empty glass resting between her shaking fingertips. Her gaze was glued to the fireplace, and she pretended to be interested in the burning embers, though her mind was wandering.

"You know, I can fill that up if you want." Damon's smooth-as-silk voice brought her back into reality. Just a little bit.

"Do you think it hurt?" Elena whispered, running her thumb along the rim of the glass, a sad attempt to see if she could still feel the invisible imprint of Stefan's lips. "Do you think it hurt him when… _he… _died?" She dug her teeth into her bottom lip.

Caroline, who had arrived merely minutes ago, plopped herself on the loveseat and shot the dark-haired girl a glare. "Of _course _it hurt," she spat. "You read the lure." Warningly, Damon said Caroline's name, but she continued, "It felt like someone reached into his chest and squeezed his heart until there was nothing left. Oh, wait… that happened before he died. Didn't it, Elena?"

Damon winced. "That's enough." Normally, he would have put in his ten cents, throwing in a snarky comment to lighten the mood, but not tonight. Instead, the eldest in the group let out a slow breath and reached for a blood bag, saying nothing.

Everyone knew what tonight marked, and the tension in the room was especially grim. Stefan had died exactly two months ago, and _everyone _was experiencing the detrimental grief. No one was smiling.

"I'm sorry," Caroline breathed, accepting the glass of blood offered by Damon. "It's just… You shouldn't have let him walk away." Breathing out heavily, the blond vampire tilted her head back and tried to brush away her ugly tears without letting her mascara run. After about thirty seconds of this ordeal, she simply gave up, deciding that something as miniscule as looking presentable was not important.

Elena swallowed, wondering how full her glass would be if she simply pored over it all night. The sun had just set, and already tears were streaming down her olive cheeks. "I know," she mumbled, trying to wipe her eyes. "God, why did I? It was like I didn't even care…"

"It was the sire bond," Damon said flatly. Slowly, he moved to sit beside Elena, placing a gentle hand on her knee. Instantly, she rested her head on his shoulder. As intimate as she wanted this action to be for Damon's sake, they both knew that it was far from it. Ever since Stefan had… passed… and Elena became human, she could not shake the emptiness that always lingered in the pit of her stomach, haunting her every time she looked at Damon, every time she kissed him or slept beside him. It was an insatiable, indescribable loss that was always present, a feeling that she never bothered explaining to anyone but her journal.

_Stefan would understand this feeling_, Elena thought to herself. _But then again, if he was here, I wouldn't be feeling this at all._

The guilt was overwhelming. Stefan died heartbroken and shattered, but he died loving her. He died _for _her, despite the things she had done to break him. Hell, Elena had killed Stefan long before he was actually dead, but he still loved her. He never stopped. Not even for a moment.

So, once Damon and Caroline downed their glasses of blood, he grabbed Stefan's favorite bottle of scotch –the only liquor his brother would ever be caught drinking– and poured everyone a small amount. Elena extended her empty glass and watched the amber liquid as it hit the bottom.

"To Stefan," Damon whispered.

"To Stefan," Caroline agreed.

Elena sighed heavily. She didn't want to toast in honor of Stefan's memory. She wanted to have a toast _with _him, spend a split second with him to clank her glass against his. Spend a mere moment to exchange glances, and maybe even a smile. That was all she wanted. _One more second with him. _She wanted to apologize, _needed _to know that he was okay, wherever he was. But she couldn't do that. So, she bit back her tears and raised the glass.

"To Stefan."

* * *

He awoke with a large intake of breath.

Dark.

Everything was so dark.

He had opened his eyes, hadn't he? His eyes felt open. Was he blind? Feeling his heart accelerate, he forced his hand to twitch just the slightest. It was resting against his chest; he could feel his heartbeat pounding. He then clenched his fist. His knuckles cracked loudly.

_I am not deaf, _he confirmed to himself groggily, letting out a sigh of relief. _Why can't I see? _So, he decided that he would feel his face to see if his eye sockets were empty. He cracked a little grin at the thought. When he tried to move his arm though, his hand hit something hard with a thunk_. _A wall?

Using his other hand, he felt on the other side of him. Another wall. He reached above his head: yet another wall.

His throat tightened with fear, and his body instantly tensed. He was surrounded, with no way out. He kicked in front of him, but nothing happened, except for the dull ache that was now rising in his ankle.

_I'm going to die in here, _he thought, his heart pounding louder than ever. He could hear his pulse in his ears, could feel it in his fingertips. Suddenly overwhelmed by this sense of entrapment, he tried to take in a deep breath, only to realize that the air was stale and dusty. The blood in his veins rushed with a mix of terror and panic. He tried to shout, but his throat was dry and swollen. Fearing for his life, he kicked the wall that was above him, groaning and thrashing and _hurting _until he felt it give way a bit. Dizzy, he kicked again, even harder; some light shone through. Closing his eyes and desperate for escape, he kicked one final time with all his might and was muttering incoherent prayers when the top flew off. Dirt fell on his cotton shirt and landed on his face, though he hardly noticed.

Stunned, he sat up and took in as many breaths as he could at once, feeling as if he hadn't breathed in months. Trembling and dazed, the young man looked down at the object he was sitting in and made out the shape of a coffin. Barely able to move, he rested his elbows against the mossy ground, still trying to recover from his panic attack.

Then, he closed his eyes and _wept._

* * *

Elena and Caroline rested back-to-back, laughing and crying as they reminisced about Stefan over an empty bottle.

"And so… and so I said… that's the same as your 'Hey! It's Tuesday!' look!" Caroline giggled, and Elena cracked up as well. Relentless tears streamed down both of their faces as the blond continued to go on and on about how Stefan had helped her when she was turning. Elena shared a few stories of her own, though she had trouble speaking about him even then. The wound was still too fresh.

"That's nothing," Damon inquired. "When Stefan was ten, he fell in love with his teacher. The kid was so smitten that Father had to hire a completely new woman. And, no joke, he locked himself in his room and cried for days. Days."

Elena could have sworn she saw wetness on even Damon's cheeks. This, all of this, was too bittersweet. A little too bitter. Not sweet enough.

Elena set her glass down. "Are we going to do this every month?"

Caroline giggled. "Why not?"

Just then, the phone rang. Damon stood to answer it, but Elena waved him off and got up to answer it. Sniffling her nose and wiping her tears, she attempted to collect herself and picked up the phone. "Damon and Stef—Damon Salvatore," she greeted.

"Elena? Is that you?"

The distraught voice on the other end caught her by surprise. "Sheriff Forbes? How are you?"

Caroline rolled her eyes at her mother's intrusion, but Damon sat up a little straighter. The other line was muffled, and her hearing was not magnified anymore, so Elena covered her other ear to listen. "Yes, Elena. Hello. I'm, uh, I'm okay. There's actually, um, something at the station I think you'd like to see…"

She furrowed her brows. "Can it wait? It's past midnight…"

"I don't think you'd want to wait on this one," Sheriff Forbes answered immediately. "One of our deputies found someone in the woods and brought them in."

"Did you find another vampire?" Elena asked, baffled by the importance.

"No, Elena. I think…" Liz stuttered, and for the first time in their conversation, Elena recognized shock in the Sheriff's tone. "I think we found Stefan."

* * *

_**A/N: Yay, fast update! Thank you all for the feedback! All of your reviews were so inspiring that I decided to give you another update today! Please let me know what you thought of this chapter! Your reviews really are what inspire me to keep going. Let me know if I should continue. As long as you guys tell me you want to read more, I will keep writing. Let me know what you loved, what you hated, etc. You know the drill :)  
**_

_**Next chapter, Stefan will be interacting with everyone. Just how bad is he now that he is back from the dead? What exactly does he remember? And how will Elena react? Thanks so much for reading!  
**_

_**Xoxo  
**_

_**-Sara  
**_

* * *

_**PS: I am updating this at 12:30 am... on 12/21/12, meaning that we all survived the apocalypse! (It was supposed to happen at midnight, right? Whatever :P) So, yayyy! Congratulations, lol. The world is not ending today.  
**_


	3. Chapter 3

"Wait," Elena demanded, her eyes firmly set on the back of Damon's head as he reached for a jacket. Her pulse was racing with eager possibilities. "Take me with you."

Damon feverishly shook his head. "No."

"Why?"

He sent an ice blue glare in her direction. "I said no. Look, we don't know what state he's in. We don't even know if the thing in the station is Stefan. Do you really think he just popped back onto earth exactly as he was?"

Shaking her head, Elena looked at her now empty glass, no longer feeling the buzz of the drink at all. "He's back. I can feel it."

Caroline rolled her eyes.

Damon told the girls not to get her hopes up and her stomach lurched when the door slammed. Caroline, who had been unusually silent for the past ten minutes, threw the remnants of her drink into the fire. It grew. "Do you think it's him?" Elena asked, hopeful.

Caroline twirled the empty glass in her hands and moved to rest on her back. She was suddenly very intrigued by the sparkling chandelier. "I have no idea," she replied flatly. "For my sake, I hope so. But for _his_ sake, I hope not."

Elena, who had already begun to pace, turned to the vampire and froze. "What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

Caroline huffed. "You know, even though he died for _you_, it was his choice." She took a long pause, trying to put her thoughts into words. "The world he was living in, it was pretty bad. I know you probably don't realize this because chances are, you were holed up with Damon in his room while he was telling me about all of this. He felt like he had nothing to live for, Elena. Nothing left."

Elena took a seat on the floor and closed her eyes, bringing her knees tight to her chest. "That's a lie." Her throat tightened. "Stefan's unbreakable."

"Stefan _was _unbreakable," Caroline corrected with an unintentional eye roll. "I know you were sired to Damon, but did you ever just stop for one second to realize that Stefan was crumbling while you watched?"

Elena thought back on her time as a vampire. First, a memory that almost felt lost hit her and sent a wave of emotions flooding through her body. They had popped a bottle of champagne together what seemed like a lifetime ago, and she couldn't stop laughing, therefore _Stefan _couldn't stop laughing. And they kissed. His lips tasted so sweet, like happiness and adoration; she could feel them curved up in that wide, charming smile of his. Then, another memory popped into her mind. Stefan and Elena sat together on the staircase of her house, and she told him, for the first time, that her feelings for Damon were stronger than ever. So, he set her free… but she never stopped for a second to truly tell Stefan that he himself could move on. And this wasn't even a love created by a sire. This was true, fragile love that required closure and acceptance. Stefan did not receive either from her. And, on that stairwell, the very first cracks in Stefan's foundation began to show, but Elena thought nothing of it. And there was more, too… she kicked him out of his own home the following night, went to bed with his brother without any remorse.

_"How many ways can you rip my heart out?" _he had cried once.

_He's just being dramatic, _Elena had thought to herself. At that time in her life, she truly believed that she was over him, so surely he had gotten over her too, hadn't he? _Stefan gets dramatic sometimes. He'll move on._

He never did. She shouldn't have expected him to. When she was trapped under a slippery illusion of love mixed with blood and lust, Stefan was holding onto the only real thing left in her life. The chasm between them, he couldn't break it… because she didn't try hard enough. He was pulling on a snagged rope.

With a chill, Elena brought herself back into the room with Caroline, trying to shake the realization she had just made. "If I could just get another chance with him," Elena whispered, shaking from the inside out, "I'd make everything right. I'd find a way."

Caroline, for the first time in a long while, gave her friend a sympathetic look, though it quickly faded. "You do realize, if Stefan actually is alive as we speak, that you're still in a romantic relationship with his brother?"

* * *

The doors to the sheriff's station nearly broke as Damon pushed his way through them. "Where is he?" he demanded to the stranger sitting behind the desk, his fists clenched and tenser than ever. When the girl gave him a blank look, Damon slammed his fist on the table; the wood splintered. "Where the hell is my brother? What kind of a joke is this?"

Just then, Liz Forbes slowly walked into the desk area, looking awestruck and overwhelmed. "Damon," she said as calmly as she could. "You need to see this."

He didn't even bother walking around the desk. Instead, he jumped over it and rushed to Liz. "Where. Is. He?" His undead heart was beating irregularly.

As they walked through what felt like a never ending hallway, Liz kept her eyes forward. "I thought he was dead," she whispered under her breath.

"He was," Damon responded instantly. "What happened?"

Liz let out a long exhale. "One of our deputies found him in the woods. He was covered in dirt, crying against the ground. And get this: he's _human_."

Damon furrowed his brows. "Are you sure it's my brother?"

"He was sitting in a coffin. Right where you had buried him. He kicked himself out. We think it was an adrenaline rush, because the blood samples were just as normal as anyone's." Confused, Damon opened his mouth to ask another question, but Liz continued, "Anyway, when the deputy approached him, Stefan jumped, tried to explain that someone had tried to bury him alive."

Finally, they arrived at the holding room, and Damon's eyes instantly landed on the dirt-covered, sleeping young man. He took up two chairs and had his knees to his chest in the fetal position, trembling just slightly. Damon recognized this man's face as Stefan's, but everything about him was so… different. More timid, even in sleep. Maybe even… innocent?

Hesitantly, Damon stepped closer to this sleeping stranger who wore the face of his brother. "Stefan?" he whispered. Gradually, Damon rested his hand on his shoulder until his dirt-covered eyes groggily opened. Although Stefan's face was dark and caked with dirt and blood, his eyes were just as vibrant as ever, the same shade of green they had always been. "Hey, Stefan," he said slowly, keeping his eyes locked on the familiar green ones. Damon tried to keep his breath steady. "You hear me?"

Stefan's emerald eyes almost looked _through _Damon as he spoke. Damon could practically feel the tension in the air as his brother scanned over his face, trying to find something familiar. Stefan's eyes were empty. "He…Hello?" he rasped out, turning his body so that he was sitting up.

Damon felt a strange tug in his heart, a deep, deep drop in his chest, and his eyes stung. "Stefan, do you know who I am?" he tried.

His brother let out a frustrated noise, as if a name was on the tip of his tongue but too far to reach. The face in front of him was _so _familiar, but so difficult to find. Then, suddenly, the word escaped his lips before he could understand it: "Damon."

* * *

Stefan ran his fingertips along the leather of his brother's car, staring at the road as they drove. "Damon," he mumbled. "Damon." The syllables rolled off of his tongue like a foreign language that he spoke but could not discern. "Damon."

Damon chuckled a bit to himself, trying to force a smirk onto his lips despite the uneasiness rising in his stomach. "Stefan, who am I?" he asked.

Stefan smiled a little bit and said more confidently, "Damon. You're Damon." He was still quiet, but no longer shaking, and because of that, Damon was more than relieved.

"Yes, I'm _Damon. _But who am I? How do you know me?" He looked at Stefan from the corner of his eye, watching as his little brother furrowed his brows. Frustration flicked through his eyes, followed by defeat. "I'm your brother. Do you remember that?"

Stefan shook his head.

"What _do _you remember?"

"I remember waking up in a coffin," Stefan replied truthfully. "Someone tried to bury me alive. And I remember that your name is Damon." The youngest Salvatore cracked a smile at those words, and Damon returned it genuinely.

"Yeah, I got that. Is that it?"

Stefan nodded.

* * *

Elena and Caroline were just about to give up and try to get some sleep when Caroline spotted headlights in the window and heard Damon's car. Instantly, Elena jumped up, her heart racing.

What was going to come through that door? _Who _was going to come through that door?

Hope coursed through her veins, but she forced herself to patiently wait.

Low expectations, Elena. Low expectations.

And then the doorknob turned, and in walked Damon, followed by the hunched over form of a man. He was covered in dirt, his eyes looked tired, and his clothes were ragged, but _oh my god, _she knew that face. She knew that face better than anyone!

Stefan.

He still looked beautiful. And despite the dirt and exhaustion, he was exactly as she remembered him. Exactly how he looked in her dreams every single night. Her heart fluttered and raced and did wild things, and without even thinking her feet were running towards him and the world around her was nothing but a blur. He was back. Stefan was alive. She'd been given another chance, a chance to apologize and make things right, a chance to show him that his life was worth living. Elation and a beautiful pain coursed through her body as she rushed to him, and she immediately wrapped her arms around him. It was him. It was really him. He smelled the same: like clouds and eternity and _forgiveness. _She breathed his name into his shoulder, incoherently whispering apologies and explanations and declarations of love and fate and—

He wasn't hugging her back.

Baffled, Elena backed away, wiped her tears and looked into his green eyes. They were strangely cold, void of the love that she always remembered so vividly…

Had he not forgiven her?

Looking for some sort of aid, Elena glanced over to Damon, who sent her a hauntingly apologetic look. He was frantically shaking his head.

Feeling suddenly uneasy, Elena looked up at Stefan's face, which also looked eerily sorry. And, when he opened his mouth to speak, she thought she was going to fall to the ground.

"I'm Stefan," he said slowly, apologetically. She knitted her brows for a second, baffled as his words went through her ears. Then, it suddenly clicked in her: his lack of response, the vacancy in his eyes when he walked through the door…

_Oh god. No, oh god… I'm going to be sick. _She felt dizzy. _This is not happening. This cannot be happening._

Swallowing, she swayed and Damon started to move towards her. She brushed him off and looked this confused Stefan in the eyes, trying to fight the tears that suddenly did not feel quite as pleasant as they had about a minute ago.

"I'm Elena," she managed to say. "We, uh… We have history together."

* * *

_**A/N: Ooooh snap. The drama unfolds, LOL. I hope you guys enjoyed this slightly longer update. Once again, your reviews were all SO SWEET and so inspiring and helpful that I decided I had to give you another quick update! I really hope you liked it. Please let me know. You all know how much every single comment inspires me to keep going. So please, leave me a little review letting me know what you're thinking, what you loved, or even what you didn't love. If you want me to update, I will :)  
**_  
**_So what will happen now? Stefan is human, Elena is human, but there's just a few problems. He doesn't remember her and all the things she's put him through... What will Elena do? Will she try to win him over again or will her guilt be too much? And what about Damon? What will Elena do about him! Tell me what you think! :D  
_**

**_Thanks!  
_**

**_Xoxo  
_**

**_Sara  
_**


	4. Chapter 4

Elena was nearly about to collapse, feeling as if she'd completely overdosed on hope. Stefan didn't remember her. In fact, he had no clue who she even _was_. They were right back in 2009, at the cemetery on that chilly September afternoon, but even then, Stefan had had his eyes on Elena for quite some time. He had known so much about her, whereas she knew nothing about him… and now, the tables were turned.

She knew _everything _about Stefan Salvatore. Everything. She knew what he loved, what he hated. She knew that he loved to sleep in but woke up early anyways. As much as he loved sleep, there was nothing he adored more than waking in time to see the sunrise… to see her wake up, and to be the very first thing she saw. Even simpler, Elena knew that Stefan didn't like the color 'periwinkle' because of its obnoxious name. She knew what made him happy, what haunted him, and –far too late—what was capable of destroying him.

Now, Stefan was the one who was completely clueless about Elena. He didn't even know the things that she knew about himself. He was haunted by nothing and broken by nothing. He was standing before her with no recollection of her love, of the pain she'd caused him.

"Elena," he repeated her name, –just like he had with Damon's—trying to get the syllables to naturally flow off of his tongue. She shuddered at how foreign it sounded. "E-le-na."

Her chest tightened. This was too much. Desperately, afraid that she was actually going to pass out this time, she reached for something to hold onto, and Damon hurried over and wrapped his arms around her to steady her. Elena released a quiet sigh. Had part of her hoped that some instinct would have kicked in and Stefan would have been the one to hold her?

Instead, the younger Salvatore watched this exchange and smiled a little bit. He actually _smiled_, and it was genuine. Elena felt sick. If only Stefan remembered just how the two of them had gotten into each other's arms in the first place…

"Are you two together?" Stefan asked, and Elena cringed. His words almost seemed to be an interested attempt at small talk. There was no accusation, no suspicion, not even loss in his voice. She wanted to fold up inside of herself and never escape until this nightmare was over. She felt Damon nod just slightly, and Stefan grinned again, like he'd just put together two puzzle pieces in his head. "You make a nice couple."

Now Elena really _did _feel sick. The floor spun. And when Damon, who had been strangely silent, led her upstairs, she dazedly followed. "Caroline, Stefan… give us a few minutes," she barely heard him say.

With those words, Caroline and Stefan were alone. The young vampire, who had been politely waiting for her turn, turned to Stefan with a wide smile. She seemed to be the only one in the group who wasn't completely in grief over the situation. "Don't get upset if they don't seem happy." She lifted her hand in a mock whisper, although she was speaking just as loud as she normally would have. "They're just surprised by the turn of events. But trust me, when it clicks in them that you're actually here they'll be—"

Stefan, who was not even trying to force a smile, cut Caroline off. "You look really familiar," he started, puzzled. "I know your face… but I don't."

"That's great!" Caroline smiled brightly and pulled the confused young man into a hug. "I was afraid I'd have to kick your ass if you completely forgot me!" she joked. Although he felt completely out of place, he decided to hug her back, because clearly, he remembered her… so she had to mean something, right? Plus, this bubbly blond girl seemed to be the only positive person he'd seen all night. When she pulled away, she let out a little content breath and stepped away. "You have no idea how glad I am to see you, how glad we all are."

Stefan awkwardly looked at the ground, his lips pursed. "Are you, um… are we… like Damon and," he paused for a minute. What was her name? "E-le…na?"

She looked at him like he had two heads. "Like Damon and Elena?" She instantly jumped back. "Oh, god, no!" she practically shouted. "One: you and I are friends. We're not _dating_… no offense, but that'd be weird. Two: Even if we were a thing, I refuse to be compared to them." She continued to make some sort of disgusted noise that got a chuckle out of Stefan.

Then, his mood changed. His lips formed a straight line, and his eyes practically burned through hers. "What happened to me?" he pleaded.

Conflicted, Caroline looked down. Could she do this to him? Could she tell Stefan that the world he lived in sucked so much that he had nothing to live for except someone else, although she'd chosen another man over him? Could she tell him that the _other man_ was his brother, and that _that someone else _still was with his brother in a no-longer-intimate relationship, but a relationship nonetheless? How would he cope with that? Couldn't he just have one night –just _one_—without feeling pain?

"You were missing," she lied. "You went missing for about two months. But don't worry, we're going to figure out who did this."

At least part of that was true. They did have to figure out how Stefan had been brought back…

* * *

About two hours later, Elena woke up on Damon's bed, groggy and somewhat miserable. She didn't remember falling asleep. "Did I actually pass out?" she muttered to herself.

Then, Damon emerged from the bathroom, running a towel through his hair. "I compelled you to take a nap," he said, attempting to smirk just a bit. It didn't work very well.

"You, what?" Elena yelled, outraged. Who told Damon that he could just _compel _her to sleep, while Stefan was finally alive and confused and vulnerable and… "How could you do that? I didn't _ask _you to compel me! You said you wouldn't do that!"

"You needed it!" he snapped. "You couldn't even breathe, Elena!"

"But I didn't ask you! How dare you?" She had never been angrier, or at least it felt that way. She wanted nothing more than to spend those two hours trying to figure everything out. "I'm going to see him now."

Damon glared at her. "Have fun rekindling your lost love with my brother. Wait, that's going to be a little difficult, considering he doesn't know who you are."

She whipped around, furious. "What the hell is this?" she growled. "Are you jealous?"

"What?"

"You're mad that he's back, aren't you?" When Damon didn't respond, she took it as a signal to keep going. "Now that he's back, you're upset that I want to spend time with him and get his forgiveness."

He gritted his teeth. If she did not know him so well, she would have been afraid of him. The wild look in his eyes was haunting, terrifying. "You want to do a lot more than spend time with him, Elena, and we both know it."

She threw her hands up in the air, frustrated by his tantrum. "Are you kidding me? You just got your brother back and you're mad because I missed him! You should have missed him too, or did you forget that you've known him longer than anyone?"

"I didn't forget!" He snarled. "Who do you think brought him back?" Elena knew from Damon's expression that he immediately regretted the words. She froze.

There was a long moment of silence.

"You're the one who figured out how to bring Stefan back?" Her voice was calm now, a little too calm, and now, _Damon _was scared. "Why didn't you tell me?"

He didn't respond.

"You saw me grieving_, _you saw me wishing that I could apologize to him… and you were here, planning how to get him back? Why would you not tell me, Damon?" Her fists were clenched; she was so tempted to slap him.

Finally, Damon responded. "I knew you'd waste all of your time figuring out what you were going to say. It'd only be a matter of time before I lost you to a _dead _man, Elena!"

She gave him a look, a deadly look that shook him to the core. "Yeah? Well now, you did." And with that, she slammed the door behind her and walked into the hallway, trying to calm herself as she thought of what to say to the Salvatore she hadn't seen –hadn't _really_ seen—in over a year.

* * *

After looking through his drawers for what felt like an eternity, Stefan decided on wearing a white tank top and black sweatpants. They didn't feel particularly familiar, but they looked comfortable, so he decided to put them on anyways.

He was shuffling through a drawer full of shampoo and hair gel when he heard the door to his room open. "Good news!" he chuckled to himself. "Either I remember how to take a shower, or it's something that comes naturally to me."

When she laughed, he jumped a little and turned, his eyes wide. "Oh, I'm sorry," he stuttered. "I thought you were Caroline. But then again, she left about an hour ago. Wow, that sounded really rude. I'm sorry; it's not that I wish you were Caroline, I just—sorry. Elena, right?"

Elena nodded slowly, telling herself over and over to stay composed. "Yeah, that's me." She forced out a smile, awkwardly remaining at the door. "You seem frazzled," she observed.

"I have no clue who I am." He threw a container of hair gel on the floor and sat back on his bed, before surrendering to his slack muscles and flopping down on the comforter completely. "This doesn't even feel like it's my room. I feel like I'm invading the old Stefan's personal space."

She frowned at that, suddenly feeling selfish for the way she acted earlier. She was so upset over the fact that Stefan didn't remember her, but there he was, looking into everyone's unfamiliar eyes. Finally, she stepped inside. "It's your room. You'll remember eventually."

"I suppose," he sighed, closing his eyes. "What if I don't?"

"Then…" After a moment of hesitation, Elena sat on the edge of Stefan's bed, far away from him. "It'll be okay, right? You'll still be surrounded by people who love you. You've got a brother, and a friend…" _And then there's me. There's me, who you used to love but really never should have. Here I am, privileged with loving you even though I'm the last person who deserves to. _Elena didn't say these words, because she didn't know what she was supposed to be to Stefan now. "And in time, I'm sure you'll figure out how to love us, too." _Or them, at least._

Stefan smiled, but Elena knew that look; that was the grin he gave when he was lonely, when he felt completely and utterly lost. She'd seen it plenty of times. "I should probably figure out who I am first."

"Me too," she agreed. Her words made Stefan turn and look at her, confusion flickering in his emerald eyes. "I have nineteen years of memories, Stefan, and I still don't know who I am. I've done things, bad things, and here I was so hopeful when I heard you were back. You won't appreciate this now, but I was going to try and make things right between us, because they'd gotten so screwed up."

Stefan sighed, looking at the ceiling. He wished this moment should have been meaningful, and she knew it, too. That was enough for Elena. She would take what she could get. "We were in an argument?" he questioned. "Was it like in-law animosity?" His attempt at a joke made Elena wince. He had no idea just how close that was.

"In a way," she replied curtly. "But we were close, if you were wondering. I don't know if it really matters anyway, but you mean a lot to me. I just kind of forgot that."

He gave her a reassuring smile, and Elena couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Stefan felt like he should have been comforting her, when in reality, she had been the one to completely ruin him. "If I could just take everything back, I would have. You were, um, a good… _friend... _to me, and I kind of threw that away. I needed to figure out who I was, not who I thought I was. I guess I still kind of do."

Then, with a little nudge, Stefan spoke, and he almost reminded her of the person he had once been. "We'll start over together, you and me."

* * *

_**A/N: A lot happened this chapter, LOL :P I hope you guys enjoyed the chapter! Please leave a review letting me know what you thought of it and everything that happened. You all know just how inspiring every single comment is; you really have no idea! As long as you let me know that you want me to keep writing, I will. Let me know what you loved, what you hated, and what you want to see!**_

_**So, Stefan and Caroline are still friends! YAY! Damon and Elena are not on the best of terms, and Elena is trying to make things right with Stefan, although he thinks that they are only friends. How will things turn out for them? Will Stefan even fall for Elena again after knowing she once hurt him somehow? Will Elena let herself be happy with Stefan's company, or will the guilt get the better of her?  
**_

_**Thanks! Please comment!  
**_

_**Xoxo!  
**_


	5. Chapter 5

"I'll be with you… forever," Her voice was soft, and her hand rested on his shoulder like it was meant to be there, with just enough pressure to remind him that she was _real_, that this moment was just as tangible as the lapis lazuli ring he was twisting in his hand. He couldn't stop himself from thinking that she was perfect. Alright, maybe she was far from perfect, but she was perfect for him. With her, while she was looking at him with those eyes and making his heart jump with every word… forever wasn't long enough. And then, her lips curled up into a little smirk when she added, "if I want," as if she had other plans. But he knew otherwise. He knew where her future rested just as well as she did.

And then, she leaned forward and kissed him. Or maybe he kissed her. They'd done it a thousand times, and yet, every single kiss was different. He could practically _taste _the love on her mouth, _feel_ the compassion in her touch. It was not too long, or too short, but the numbness lingered on his lips long after she pulled away.

She absently licked her lips."I'm going to get through this, just like we get through everything." He gazed at her as she stared off at the front yard of the Salvatore mansion. The view from the roof was nothing special really, but next to her, it was. "One day at a time."

One day at a time. That sounded like a plan.

"We should get inside before sunrise," she sighed.

Before the frown could settle into her face, he opened his palm, never tearing his gaze away from hers. "Bonnie made this for you yesterday," he began, a grin pulling his lips up when the pleasant shock registered in her face. He offered it to her, feeling his heart race a little more. Nothing made him happier than to bring her joy. Nothing. "Just in case."

"Daylight ring?" she asked, her voice replete with wonder and surprise.

With a little nod, he gently raised her hand up and placed the blue gem on her finger. He couldn't help but feel a bit giddy as he did this… how ridiculous was that? After all of these years he could still get giddy. As the ring slid onto her finger, he wondered what it would look like if it had been a diamond instead; what would the expression on her face be then?

"One day at a time, right?" he repeated.

She kissed him again.

He closed his eyes and swore to himself that he would never forget this moment.

* * *

Stefan winced when the light shone into his eyes, snapping him out of the dream. With a groan, he lifted his arms to cover the brightness. "What the—"

"Rise and shine, Steffy!" Damon's voice was loud and obnoxious. "It's been a few days since you decided to drop back on earth, and you're going to school today."

The younger Salvatore rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling, trying to analyze the lucid dream he had just experienced. His heart was _still _racing! He was filled with this strange sense of euphoria that shook him to the bone in the best of ways. The girl… In that dream, she had been the core of his existence, the purpose to his every breath, and for those first moments as he woke, every movement he made seemed to have meaning. He tried to remember _her_ face and voice, but when he did, he came up blank. All he knew was that her voice sounded something like a symphony and her eyes contained a world of their own. But he could not visualize her.

"Hello? Please don't be one of those pain-in-the-ass teenage brothers who needs to be dragged out of bed. Because I will do it," Damon teased, that ever present smirk glued to his face.

Stefan blinked. "Damon," he muttered dazedly, having completely forgotten that his brother was there. "School?"

Damon rolled his eyes. "Did you forget what that was too? Well, it's this _really fun _place that you seem to _really like _where you have to write papers and—"

"I know what school is," Stefan huffed, sitting up slowly. For a brief moment, when he thought about getting out of bed, he could have sworn that his heart leaped in excitement; maybe it was a phantom action he'd experienced before.

_I will see her again, _a distant part in his mind whispered, and he shivered.

That dream, there was no way it'd been just that. It was a _memory. _He knew it. _She _was real. Their plans for forever had been real.

Then, with a loud exhale, Stefan turned to Damon. "How old am I?" he questioned. Damon, who was fixing shades –trying to dramatically show that he felt like he was Stefan's mother—suddenly turned.

"You're seventeen," he answered simply, arching a brow. "I thought you knew that much."

Stefan nodded, pensive. "Oh. I'm not… I don't know… older?" In that dream, the possibility of forever had been so real to him. Like he actually planned to love _her _and be with _her _for the rest of eternity.

Damon smirked once again. "Sorry, Brother, but you're not twenty-one yet. So if you want to go partying with a bunch of sorority girls…" When Damon's comment did not get a chuckle out of Stefan, who was now a little annoyed by his usage of the word _brother, _Damon dropped the act. "You want the real answer?"

Stefan nodded.

"Promise not to freak out?"

Stefan nodded.

"Do you want an explanation first or…"

Crossing his arms over his chest, he shook his head. "Tell me, Damon."

Damon held his breath. "A century and a half, give or take thirteen years." When Stefan did nothing but nod, the older Salvatore wondered if his brother had heard him right. "Okay, well, I meant give. One hundred and sixty three. You're one hundred and sixty three, Stefan."

"Okay."

"Okay?"

Stefan looked up at his brother, shrugging. "I guess that feels right."

Damon looked at his brother like he had two heads. "That feels right? You do realize that being more than a century old kind of exceeds the lifespan of a person, right? It's not normal."

Stefan stretched and moved over to his drawer of clothes before turning to his brother, a somewhat aggravated expression on his tired face. "How am I supposed to know what normal is?" Somewhat forcefully, he opened a drawer and looked through shirts.

Damon frowned. "Look, you wanted an answer, and I gave it to you."

Stefan sighed, trying to look more concentrated on shirts than the conversation at hand. "How old are you?"

Uncomfortably, Damon replied, "Older than you."

Stefan dropped the shirt, turning to face Damon. "If we're not normal, then what are we?"

Damon wanted to be anywhere but in this room. "Vampires, Stefan. We're vampires. Caroline is, too." As soon as he said the words, he wanted to take them back. He didn't want to drag his brother back into this world; ignorance would have been more than fine, for it wouldn't be long before Stefan –even without his memories—started to feel remorse. "Well, you're not a vampire anymore. You're normal now, like Elena. When you came back from… going missing… you were human. We don't know why, but call it a blessing. Trust me."

Stefan furrowed his brows. If he had been a vampire, then he _was _planning to live forever, right? And the girl from his dream was a vampire too and probably still was.

How was he going to live forever with her now?

* * *

The school bell rang loudly, signaling the start of lunch.

"That's a really bad noise," Stefan observed, wincing a bit. Caroline laughed and dragged him through the hallway, firmly holding his arm as they navigated through the sea of people. Occasionally, an unfamiliar person would look at him and give a very enthusiastic "hey, Stefan!" to which he did not know how to respond, so Caroline would say "sorry, amnesia," and continue to drag him along.

When they got outside, Stefan was itching to talk to his friend. Once they were far away from everyone, he asked, "How long have you been a vampire?"

Her blue eyes widened, and she stopped moving. "How do you know about that?" she whispered a little too loudly. "What are you talking about?"

"Damon told me everything. I was a vampire before I went missing," Stefan answered honestly, his mind spinning a mile a minute, his eyes alit with this strange enthusiasm and curiosity that Caroline couldn't quite place. "Vampires can't die, right? They live forever?"

"Why would Damon do that!" she exploded, her fists clenched. As they walked, and Caroline ranted about how irresponsible and terrible the older Salvatore was, they approached a tree, where Elena was sitting. They took a seat, as Caroline continued to mumble on and on about how she liked Stefan so much better. "He shouldn't have told you."

Elena slowly turned up. "Shouldn't have told who what?" she asked, her eyes quickly falling on Stefan. She turned away before he would notice, her heart aching a little more every time he absently glanced at her.

"Damon told Stefan all about vampires! He knows!" Caroline said furiously.

Elena frowned and glanced at Stefan, who was quietly and politely trying to interrupt her friend's rant. "I mean, you do have a right to know," she tried.

"Damon can't keep his mouth shut!" Caroline complained, quickly excusing herself to go make an angry phone call with Damon. She walked a few hundred feet away, and Stefan laughed to himself when he heard her screaming.

"Do you think I should tell her that I asked Damon about it first?" he smiled. Elena smiled back a little bit, despite the fact that every glance at him filled her with guilt.

She forced herself to laugh. "How did you know to ask about vampires?" she asked. "Did you find a blood bag in the trashcan?"

"Not exactly," Stefan said, before biting his lip and glancing down to hide a bashful smile. Elena couldn't help but think that he looked so _young_. For the first time in a long time, he looked seventeen, and Elena actually smiled with him. When Stefan turned his head up again, he was whispering. "If I tell you something, promise you won't tell Damon."

She cautiously agreed.

"You know how I said I wanted to start over?" he asked, and when Elena smiled and nodded, Stefan kept going, his whole face lighting up. "I think I figured out how to do that."

"How?"

"I had a dream last night," Stefan started; she'd never seen him so excited. "A memory. I was on the roof of the mansion, Elena, and I was with this girl, a vampire. And I don't really remember what love is, but I'm almost positive that that's what it was, because she… she was… everything. Anyway, we were talking about forever and I put this ring on her finger. I wanted to be with her for the rest of my life. Until the world ended, and even after. More than _anything _in the world Elena."

Elena's face dropped. She remembered that night perfectly, the night that _she _drank human blood and started off her life as a vampire. She'd promised Stefan forever. They were so in love, but everything fell through because of her. Because of her and Damon. But Stefan remembered her. It was his first real memory! Half of her wanted to hold him tight and tell him she was the vampire who _still_ wanted that, but the other half forced her to sit still. _Don't say anything, Elena, _her conscience whispered. _You'll just break him again. You break everything you touch.  
_

She swallowed thickly, trying to stay composed. "That's… that's great that you're remembering things. Do you… know what… who she was?" Her heart twisted. Was she hoping that he would look into _her_ eyes and recognize _her_ as the girl he so madly loved?

Stefan shook his head sadly, though the light in his eyes did not go out. "I can't remember her face, but she is beautiful. I know it." He leaned a little closer, his face full of wonder as he said, "This girl is a vampire, so she has to be alive somewhere, right? I don't know how long ago it was, and I don't know what happened between us, but I'm going to find her."

Elena's world froze over. "Stefan…"

"You don't understand, Elena. I know it sounds crazy, but there's nothing I want more than to be with this girl. And it would mean so much to me if you'd help me find her."

Her heart was going to beat out of her chest, her eyes about to burst with fresh tears. How was she supposed to _tell _Stefan that the girl he once loved was long gone? The girl he loved wanted to be with him more than words could explain… but she was far too broken because she had broken him…

But how could she crush the hope in his eyes? How could she tell him that the world he'd been thrown into was much worse than he initially anticipated, that love was more complicated and earth shattering than he thought?

"Yeah, I'll help you," Elena finally said.

After all, she needed to find that girl again, too.

* * *

_**A/N: A big plot twist! I was really nervous about updating this chapter because I don't think it's my best work. I hope you guys liked it anyway! Please let me know. Every review means so much, and I am not kidding when I say that it inspires me to get another update up. I read every comment and they mean so much to me. As long as you want me to update, I will.**_

_**So, Stefan wants to find love again with this "mystery girl" who is really looking him right in the eyes! Will Elena ever be able to tell Stefan that she in fact is the girl he thinks he's trying to find, or will he discover her all on his own? And will Stefan ever learn that he actually died? Please let me know what you're thinking of this plot. Tell me what you loved, what you hated, and what you want to see, etc! Thank you so much and I hope you all had/have a good holiday! :)**_

Xoxo,

_**Sara :)  
**_


	6. Chapter 6

Stefan sat back on his bed, tossing a football up and down as he watched the ceiling fan spin. "You know what bothers me?" he murmured, concentrating on his tosses. "The fact that everyone seems to be mourning me. I mean, I'm right here."

Elena, who had been looking through Stefan's journals for quite some time, stopped flipping through pages and glanced up sympathetically. "No one is _mourning _you, Stefan. You're just a lot different now." When he frowned and said nothing, she sighed. "It's a good different. When you were a vampire, you carried around a lot of guilt. I think I've seen you smile more this week than I have in the past year. Your love for… _this girl… _maybe it was weighing you down."

"Whatever happened between us, there's no way it killed that feeling." He roughly grabbed the ball and rolled onto his stomach. There was no way Elena would understand the things he had felt with the girl from his dream. The chemistry in the air was something unforgettable, something priceless. It felt special, like their love had been one-in-a-million. It was undying. Invincible. And he knew that maybe he was hanging onto false hope, –it wasn't as if she were sitting beside him right now!– but he trusted his instincts, and every single one was telling him to _love. _

Elena let out a long breath and turned back to the journals. He smiled a bit to himself; there was something about his brother's girlfriend that intrigued Stefan. There was a sadness always present in her chocolate eyes, but elation as well. He wanted to know more about her, and he wasn't quite sure why. Maybe it had something to do with the cute way that her nose crinkled when she was trying to concentrate, or the way she seemed to visibly relax when she laughed. He didn't know why he noticed these things, but he kind of liked that he did. After a second of wondering, Stefan came to the conclusion that he simply appreciated Elena and the genuine interest she took in him.

When she noticed him staring, Elena glanced back up, her eyes lingering on his for a second too long before she glanced back down and covered her face with her hair. She opened her mouth to speak and quickly closed it again. Curious, Stefan simply watched and waited for her to speak. She looked up at him again briefly and stared at the floor. "Maybe you should just read your journals. Maybe you'll remember everything, including the girl from your dream."

Stefan's stomach lurched. "No," he said immediately. "I don't think I want to remember." It was strange, but he was unable to describe the dread that coursed through him at the thought of becoming the person he had been. He didn't want to be miserable, like Elena told him he had been. He wanted to remember who he was by _rediscovering _it, not by recollection.

Elena looked somewhat relieved and somewhat disappointed, but Stefan didn't ask. She began to silently close the books and put them back on the shelves, and he watched, desperately trying to come up with something to say to her.

_Say something witty, _he thought to himself. _Don't just sit here staring at her like an idiot._

"I… uh… I like your necklace."

He cringed. What kind of comment was that? She wasn't even facing him. She probably thought he'd been staring _there _for a greater portion of the afternoon, and he didn't want that, because he genuinely liked the way it looked on her, and he hoped that she got that, and… wait, why did he even care?

Instead of giving him a strange glance like he had expected, Elena turned to him slowly, a slow smile curving on her soft lips. Well, he didn't know if they were soft, but they looked soft.

"You like it?" she said softly, her eyes full of awe, and for a brief second, no pain. She fingered the old, silver pendant that rested over her chest and bit her lip. "It was a gift. I think I kind of wear it too much." She slowly made her way over to Stefan's bed and sat on the edge, so he pulled himself up and sat beside her.

"It's beautiful," he complimented.

"Yeah, it is." She gave a halfhearted smile. "No matter how hard I try, I can't seem to lose it."

Stefan gave her a look of confusion and asked her why she wanted to lose it. Elena gave a little chuckle and replied, "It was given to me by someone I love- loved very much."

He tilted his head to the side, never looking away from her face. "You've loved more than one person?" This concept was completely new to him. From the look in her eyes, it seemed like this person still had a tight grip on her heart, and yet she wasn't with him. He finally understood the constant pain in her eyes. Was Elena's lost love similar to his?

Her grievous look struck him to the soul. "Yes, I have," she answered honestly. "Love comes and goes, Stefan. It's more complicated than smiles and declarations of forever on a rooftop."

He felt the strange urge to brush a strand of hair from Elena's face, but suppressed it. "What does it feel like?" he wondered aloud, glancing down at the pendant on her neck once more.

Stefan wasn't really expecting an answer, but almost absently, Elena began to speak. "Love is… love is like being caught in a tornado. You see the storm coming every time, but you're never ready for the moment that the tornado picks you up off of your feet and carries you away. First, you're really scared. Terrified. You've never done this before. Then, for a while, it's incredible. You're flying. And you're blinded, but it's alright, because you're spiraling up and you have no control over your body. It's exhilarating. But you know that it's dangerous… that it kills and causes pain. And eventually, you spin right out or it fades to nothing. And you're left with nothing but damage."

Elena was looking at something only she could see now. Stefan was amazed by her words, the way her lips could form pictures in his mind and build pressure in his chest. He wanted to get tangled up and lost in her words. "But it's all worth it," she said after a long pause. "Because you'll never forget what it was like to fly."

Stefan just looked at her for a long moment. "Why can't you keep flying?"

"To feel something." Finally, she snapped back into reality. "Wait a minute… _feeling _something. That's the key!" She quickly spun to face Stefan, her eyes wide with wonder; he could practically see her heart through her eyes. "I know how to help you realize who you're supposed to be!" she finally said, her eyes shining. Before Stefan could even speak, she explained, "When you learn to love, how to _really love, _Stefan, you learn how to _live._"

He was not following her. "…And?"

"I'm going to take you through the steps. I'm going to show you what it's like to love."

He was now the one to give her a strange look. "That's going to be a problem, considering I have no one to love right now. And it's not like I can pick someone."

"No, it doesn't actually require falling in love." Elena shook her head, and he was having difficulty understanding what she was trying to accomplish here. If he wasn't supposed to fall in love, how was he going _to_ love? "When you're in love, you experience every emotion known to man, right?"

He shrugged. "I suppose…"

She smiled wider than she had all week, and Stefan couldn't help but smile back. She stood up and extended her hand. "Follow me. I have an idea."

He was beginning to wonder if Elena was completely sane, muttering on and on about falling in love without loving. But nonetheless, he placed his trembling hand in her own.

With a pleasant shock, Stefan realized that he would probably follow this sad, crazy, wondrous girl to the end of the earth if she kept smiling at him like that.

* * *

_**AN: Okay, I know it's a short update, but I hope you all liked it nonetheless! What on earth is Elena talking about? I promise, it'll all be explained next chapter! What are your thoughts? Please leave a review telling me what you think. Let me know what you loved, what you hated, what you want to see. By now, you all know just how much your reviews mean to me. They inspire me so much, so please let me know if you'd like more.**_

_**So, we finally got a glimpse into Stefan's head this chapter. He feels something for Elena, but does he really know what it is? He seems to be nervous to feel anything towards her, so will he live in denial or realize that she's special? Do you think he will really learn how to live from her? Is this Elena's chance at redemption?**_

_**Please comment! Thank you!**_

_**Xoxo**_


	7. Chapter 7

_I've got an itch,_  
_ You've got an emptiness,_  
_ I couldn't fill,_  
_ False gods and tenderness_  
_ Into your will,_  
_ Pray on the falling,_  
_ Straps from your shoulders,_  
_ How do I hold you?_

* * *

Elena concentrated on the road as she drove, gripping the steering wheel so tightly that her knuckles were practically white. The last time she was in a car with Stefan Salvatore, his loving eyes had not left her face once, and she absolutely adored it. Now, many things had changed while others had not. Stefan was looking at her; she could feel her body tremble a little bit more every time his eyes fell on her, but the semi-pleasant chills went away almost immediately, for he would look down at something random in the car and pretend that it was interesting. Elena wondered if her face was giving her away, for she had not once dared to lock eyes with him. Now that they were both human, she couldn't risk getting distracted and accidentally driving off of Wickery Bridge.

She winced at the thought. Too soon.

Despite the shaky rush that flooded through her every time Stefan glanced over, Elena _hated _that he kept looking at her. What was so interesting about her face, anyways? Shouldn't there have been some phantom instinct remaining in Stefan's cluttered mind that was telling him to stay away from her? She, after all, had been the reason for his demise. If Stefan had remembered her when he returned, Elena knew that he probably would have been halfway to Australia by now. Who on earth would want to be involved with her after all of the things she had done? Being sired was not an excuse; she was sick of excuses.

So this is what she was going to do: she was going to teach Stefan how to live without love and convince Damon to leave Mystic Falls with his brother in tow and never look back. Or maybe she would leave. It wasn't too late to apply to college.

The minor details did not matter now. All that mattered was the fact that Elena was going to teach Stefan how to live without her and let him move on. He would do it, too. He would find another girl who deserved him, and he would love her to the ends of the earth. She'd make him happy, and eventually, he'd settle down and marry her and have beautiful children and…

With a painful tug at her chest, Elena thought about what a great father Stefan was someday going to be.

She hated the fact that she was already jealous of this anonymous woman, the anonymous woman _she_ had mentally created for him.

"You know," Stefan said after a long silence. For a brief second, Elena's heart stopped beating when he looked at her, but her breath returned when his eyes fell on the road. She hated the effect he still had on her. "I was thinking about your whole 'love is like being in a tornado' simile."

Elena concentrated on the road. "And?"

Chuckling to himself, Stefan observed, "I'm pretty sure that if someone was in a tornado, they would _not _want to be caught in another one."

Unable to keep the grin from curling onto her lips, she took a risk and briefly glanced at him. "Touché."

He rested his head back in the seat, now concentrated on the road. From the tone in his voice, Elena knew he was smiling. "That is, if they made it out alive."

She simply shook her head. Even when he pretty much knew nothing_, _Stefan still made a point to prove his intelligence. "Know-it-all," she teased, immediately regretting it. Every time she opened herself up to this pleasant feeling that surrounded Stefan -every time she let _him _in- Elena knew she was playing with fire. She couldn't explain it. He wasn't even a vampire, but there was something so compelling about him, about the atmosphere around him. It was so damn _hard _to keep him at arms' reach when her body visibly shook and her lips curled up whenever he did something as simple as look at her.

"I mean," he continued after noticing her frown, "I've never been in a tornado before, so maybe it is this life-altering, sensual experience. Or maybe I have. I can't remember. Maybe that's how I became a vampire."

Elena knew what he was doing, and her heart collided with her conscience. _He's trying to make you smile. _And, damn it, it was working. _Why _was it working? Couldn't he just let her be sad? Against her better judgment, she poured gasoline into the fire. "You think you died while being caught in a tornado?" she chuckled.

"If anyone asks, that's what I'm going to say." Mission accomplished. A proud smile overtook his face, lighting up his eyes and crinkling his forehead in all the right ways. That look on him was quite refreshing. Usually, Stefan's forehead crinkled and formed those lines when he was pensive and guilty.

Giddy warmth spread through Elena's stomach like wildfire. She wondered if Stefan had felt it too, for he instantly took his eyes off of her and looked down bashfully. The atmosphere surrounding them was almost too much to handle. The sane part of her wanted to burst out into tears, while the nervous-schoolgirl part was making her laugh and reddening her cheeks under his previous stare.

She needed to get out of this car and fast.

Fortunately, she could now spot their destination. Quickly, Elena pulled off on the road and practically jumped out of the car, sucking in all of the fresh-but-not-as-sweet, Stefan-less air her lungs could hold.

_Get a grip, Elena. _She closed her eyes. _Don't even consider this again. You'll ruin him._

She composed herself and turned to face Stefan. "Welcome…," she began, "to the swimming hole. A perfect place to party… and panic."

He eyed her curiously. "Panic?"

Elena walked ahead of him and did not look back; she knew he'd be following. "When you fall in love, there's this really weird feeling you get right before, like 'am I really going to do this?' 'This is insane' But, ninety-nine percent of the time, you do it anyways. Even though you're really scared. It's a lot like…" She ran forward a little bit, and when Stefan caught up to her, she dramatically extended her arms to expose the scene before them.

It was nothing special, but it was spectacular. The small clearing was beginning to bloom with flowers and dandelions, the grass the brightest shade of green he had seen in Mystic Falls. About twenty feet away from them was a cliff. There was no gradual slope. It just… stopped. Amazed by the scene, Stefan approached the edge. Thirty feet below, there was a shimmering lake, teeming with what seemed to be fish and wildlife. Amused and baffled, he turned back to Elena, his eyes almost glimmering. "It's a lot like jumping off a cliff?" he questioned.

She nodded.

Stefan shook his head and laughed to himself. "Everything is a metaphor with you, isn't it?"

Elena smiled and averted her gaze. Stefan could hardly remember where he lived, and yet he was speaking about similes and metaphors like he'd learned them yesterday? She had to admit, she was impressed. But she _needed _to stop smiling. So, she quickly pursed her lips and started to explain. "Now, I'm not saying you're going to get the whole loving experience here, but a big part of loving is living. You don't need love to enjoy life. They say you fall in love? Why not just _fall?" _she gestured to the edge of the cliff. "Just let yourself go. Fly."

"You're a writer, aren't you?" He raised an expressive eyebrow. "Is that the real lesson of the day? Jump off of a cliff that symbolizes falling in love while also learning that living trumps love?" He stopped for a second to make sure what he had just said made sense. "Yes, that's what I meant… I think."

_Don't smile, Elena. Don't smile. Do. Not. Smile. _She smiled. For the hundredth time. And she hated herself a little more. "Pretty much. Look, doing this gives you a similar experience. There's the nerves, the letting go, the falling, the flying…"

"The inevitable crashing," he finished for her. Elena sighed and nodded. Stefan bit his bottom lip, tilting his head slightly. "You think all love ends like that? With a crash?"

She hated the way the hope deflated from his eyes. "It's rare," she finally replied, not knowing exactly how to respond to that. In her case… yes, she had crashed and burned many times. Matt. Damon. Stefan. _Especially _Stefan, who she should have been flying with forever. "Maybe someday, you won't." But not with her. She would make sure of that.

Stefan nodded and turned his attention back to the cliff, and Elena put herself back on track. "Okay, Stefan," she said, trying to lighten the mood. "You ready to do this?"

He shrugged.

Her heart sank a little bit; she could sense Stefan's disappointment. The previously pleasant air spinning between them had grown stale. "Alright," she interjected. "This is a really bad metaphor. A terrible one. And I don't even understand the point of this anymore, but we're here, and you're going to jump… not because it symbolizes love, but because you're going to have fun."

He sighed and shrugged once more, putting on a smile. "Fine," he agreed. But before he took another step closer to the edge, he faced Elena. "Only if you jump with me."

She held her breath. How could she reject him when he looked so _sad, _so confused, and so momentarily lost? "Yeah," she breathed. "Yeah, I'll jump with you."

And so, she watched as Stefan kicked off his shoes, and she did the same. He fingered the bottom of his gray t-shirt for a long moment before deciding to keep it on, and for that, Elena was very thankful. When he gallantly offered his hand, she accepted.

They stood at the very edge of the cliff, staring down at the shimmering water beneath them. Stefan swallowed. "How deep is that?"

She chuckled. "Deep enough. Now jump." He continued to stare down, frozen in place. Elena gave him a small nudge. "You know, I'm waiting for you to jump."

He smiled. "I was waiting for _you _to jump!"

They both looked at each other and laughed for a second too long. After a long second of pleasantly cool silence, Stefan looked back down. "We'll go together. One, two..."

"Three!" Elena shouted gleefully, lost in the moment, in the feel of his hand in hers.

Then, they fell.

Stefan closed his eyes, letting a small shout escape his lips as they descended towards the water. It was true; in the week he had spent in Mystic falls, he had never felt more alive. When they hit the surface of the water, he still held onto her hand as tightly as he could, and, much to his surprise, was able to hold on. The water was cold when it came in contact with his body, but he didn't really mind. They were at least ten feet under the surface before they started swimming again. His lungs began to burn as they rushed to the top. Once he came in contact with sweet, sweet oxygen, he let go of Elena's hand. He let his head fall back and he laughed.

She stared at him in awe, wanting to remember this forever.

"That was… incredible!" he declared. His eyes fell on hers, and her heart felt as if it were going to pound out of her chest. Stefan's green eyes were _glowing_, and his hair was sticking to his forehead in a disorganized mess and… he was beautiful. Human and beautiful.

She grinned brightly, moving to the shallower part of the lake. "Was it everything you expected?"

"More!" Stefan laughed again and let himself stare at Elena and all of her natural beauty. He'd never felt more thankful for another. His pulse rushed as he continued simply to look at her. The longer he did this, the stronger his heartbeat grew, the pressure building in his chest, spreading to the tips of his fingers and even to the ends of his hair. He didn't even _know _that was possible, but it was! As he gazed at this girl, this creative, wonderful -did he mention _beautiful_—girl, the strangest sensation rushed through him, one he had never, ever experienced or expected to experience. And without even thinking, fueled by this wacky adrenaline rush and Elena's wonderful… everything… Stefan leaned forward and kissed her smiling lips, as if he'd done it a thousand times.

He closed his eyes and could have sworn she had just started to kiss back… when they both almost immediately came to their senses and backed away. Stefan, heart still pounding, brought a finger to his lips and stepped further away, shocked by his action. Elena, on the other hand, was staring at something only she could see, a blank look in her eyes.

"I'm so sorry," he muttered, instantly disgusted with himself. "I have no idea what just came over me."

Elena swallowed thickly, speaking absently. "No, no… it's fine." Her voice was flat as she exited the lake, almost mechanically.

"No," Stefan snarled a bit, internally cursing himself. "That was not fine. That was… that was… there are no excuses. That's terrible. You're with Damon! How could I-" He shook his head once again, confused and angry and… _less lost_? He shook the thought off. Less lost? That would be ridiculous!

The drive back to the boarding house was awkward. Elena did not take her eyes off of the road and neither did Stefan. Only few words were spoken, and when they were, it was either an apology or a terrible attempt at small talk that did not get very far. After what seemed like hours, Elena pulled up at the Salvatore boarding house.

Stefan avoided her eyes, she so desperately wanted to reach out and hold his hand, tell him that it was perfectly fine, that she understood, that he hadn't done anything wrong. But she wouldn't bring herself to do it.

"Thank you for today," he finally said.

Elena meekly nodded.

He didn't know whether or not to apologize again, but decided against it, for he knew she probably wouldn't hear him. Furious at himself and strangely enough, feeling somewhat hurt –he didn't quite know why-, Stefan opened the car door and walked into his house.

Elena quickly drove away, holding the steering wheel tighter than she ever had before while she drove. She did not make it too far though, her pounding, confused, unclear thoughts surrounding her and suffocating her. Once she got a good mile away from Stefan's house, Elena pulled over onto the side of the road and rested her head against the steering wheel.

Then, she cried.

* * *

_Make me a monster,_  
_ Make me a beast,_  
_ Prey on my weakness,_  
_ Become my disease_  
_ I've been lovesick and empty,_  
_ Cold and I'm trembling_  
_ Still holding out_  
_ For my fairytale ending_

* * *

_**AN: Hey everyone! Sorry for the slow update! School is back. *sigh* I hope you liked the chapter! A lot happened. Things just got very complicated between Elena and Stefan. Please leave a review letting me know what you thought about the chapter. Every comment means the world to me, and you all know that they keep me writing this story. So, please, tell me what you loved, what you hated, what you want to see/what you want to happen. **  
_

_**What will Elena do now? What will Stefan do now? Now that they kissed, will things get more or less complicated? How is Stefan going to sort out all of these confused feelings, and how will Elena deal with her guilt?  
**_

_**The song credit (the song at the beginning and end of this chapter) is "Monster" by Ron Pope. It's a really beautiful song, and I wanted to share it with you guys. I thought it really expressed Stefan and Elena's feelings in this story at the moment.  
**_

_**Please leave a review!  
**_

_**Thanks!  
**_

_**Xoxo  
**_

_**Sara :)  
**_


	8. Chapter 8

"Knock knock," Damon said jokingly as he entered Stefan's bedroom. Stefan, who had been vigorously writing in his journal for the past hour, hardly even acknowledged his brother's presence. The older Salvatore dramatically rolled his eyes upon noticing what Stefan had been up to all night. "You're starting _that _up again? Come on, Stef, you haven't left your room since you got home."

"Do not call me 'Stef,' please." Stefan still did not look up, his pen rapidly moving to form every sharp word on the paper. "I need to get my thoughts out somehow," he said, disinterested in the conversation.

Smirking, Damon replied, "Now _that's _the broody Stefan I've been missing." He chuckled to himself, but deflated a bit when he realized his brother was not paying much attention to him. "What put you in a mood this time? Did the fridge run out of peanut butter? No more hair gel? You forgot how to do your hair? Nah, you'd never forget how to do your hair. That's basic instinct by now, right little bro?"

"Mmmmhmm."

"Did you even hear a word I just said?"

Stefan rolled his eyes and finally set the book down, glaring at his brother. "How are _you _the older sibling?"

Damon grinned. "Stop being an inverted teenager." Stefan scoffed, turning back to the journal. "I'm heading over to Elena's. Do you need anything? Hair gel?"

Stefan froze at the mention of Elena's name, but quickly brushed it off. "No, I'm fine. Have fun with her," he replied nonchalantly. Damon shrugged and quickly exited. After waiting for a few minutes, when Stefan saw his brother's car pull away from the window, he threw the journal in his hands to the floor and ran over to the bookshelf in his room.

Before grabbing one of his older journals, Stefan reached into his back pocket and pulled out his phone. He scrolled through numerous confusing things called "apps" and "contacts" until he finally got to music. Curious as to what Stefan Salvatore 1.0 had been listening to before his brain had been completely wiped, Stefan 2.0 invaded his personal space and started to play the song on high volume. It was titled "Mr. Brightside" by The Killers. What a stupid song name, and an even stupider band name. He rolled his eyes for what felt like the thousandth time that night and set the phone down as the lead singer of The Killers screamed words about falling asleep and having a smoke and being sick? He wasn't paying much attention.

Tuning everything else out, Stefan began to look at the dates on his hundreds of journals. 2010? Too early. 2002? Still too early.

As he did this, his mind began to wander to Elena and everything that had happened between them at the swimming hole. Why had he kissed her like that? It wasn't like he was planning to kiss her. It just happened! And afterwards, she had completely shut down. He'd scared the living _hell _out of here surely, and now, much to his luck, she would probably want nothing to do with him. He considered calling Caroline and asking her for advice, but decided he would tell her at school. He wanted to be alone tonight. He was on a mission right now.

But he could not concentrate! He couldn't even help it when he started to think about what Elena was up to at the moment. She was probably at home, spending time with Damon –his _brother —_and loving him.

_Like she should be loving me, _a distant part in his mind whispered, but he did not regard it. He was too busy gritting his teeth at the image of the two of them together. She was probably kissing him and making him feel like the only man in the world.

"_She's touching his chest now_

_ He takes off her dress now_

_ Let me go."_

The music was fueling Stefan's temper. He _hated _this song. Loathed it… Almost as much as he loathed himself at the moment. Why did he care so much about what his brother was doing with Elena? She didn't belong to _Stefan. _She never had! So why was his chest feeling so tight and his face so hot?

Always a masochist, Stefan replayed the song a few more times, his frustration growing stronger and stronger every minute. He hated that he cared. He didn't _want _to care. If only he couldn't. And finally, when the lyric that bothered him the most came along, Stefan shouted along with the music.

"It was only a kiss!"

He threw a book to the other end of the room. Followed by another. He didn't care about the song anymore; it kept moving past those five stupid words. He wanted to shut it off now. It was terrible, and he was tired of it.

"IT WAS ONLY A KISS!"

Without even thinking, he shouted again, sending another object flying across the room.

A few seconds later, his phone was silent and he was lying on the floor beside a pile of discarded, damaged journals, his heart pounding.

Breathing heavily, Stefan stared at the ceiling for a long moment. Trying to calm himself, he reached out for a journal that was in reach. He was done with Elena; he had to be. So, he had decided earlier that night, that he was going to find the vampire girl from his dream and start over with her_. _It did not matter how many loves he had had over his long life –he assumed there were only a few after _her-_… he was going to find her, despite how long and painful the search would be. He ached and despaired for her completion.

The journal that Stefan grabbed was from 1864, one of the first of his many diaries. Curiously, he began to flip through the pages and stopped abruptly at a long entry.

_She is cosmic. Seductive. Compelling. An angel and a demon. _

_ The sensual experience of her is one I will never be able to erase from my memory. She has opened my eyes like no other. Loving her is like sinning in heaven. I had not lived until I laid eyes on her._

_ Katherine. Her name rolls off of my tongue and onto the paper like molten silk. _

_ I am in love. There is no doubt in my mind. _

_ I am in love and I am not afraid of anything._

_ -S.S._

Stefan let out a long exhale after reading the passage he had written, not even realizing that he'd been holding his breath.

This was the girl. It had to be.

He needed to find her. Katherine. Maybe, just maybe, if he found her, Elena would never enter his mind, never tempt him. Maybe. He could hope.

Eager, he reached for his phone and searched through names, hoping to find hers. His heart raced when he found it. Was it the same Katherine? He wasn't going to wait around to find out.

Shaking and full of high expectations, Stefan called her.

It was time to forget about Elena Gilbert, once and for all.

* * *

Elena stared up at her ceiling, eyes wide open. There was no way she was getting any sleep tonight. She couldn't stop replaying the moment with Stefan in her mind: the way he laughed, the way _she _had caused that laughter, the way he kissed her.

For that brief second, Stefan –the old Stefan—had been beside her. Maybe it'd been a reflex of his to kiss her whenever he was happy due to all of the years of casual displays of affection they had once shared with each other. Nonetheless, her lips trembled and her body shook with conflicting emotions. She wanted to love him more than _anything. _But where would she even begin?

She sighed and turned to her side, jumping when her eyes met Damon's sky blue ones. He gave her his trademark smirk. "Hello there," he smiled.

Elena exhaled deeply. "Hey. You startled me."

Damon dramatically pouted, looking somewhat like a puppy. "Sorry."

She forced out a laugh. "Sorry about the way that I left things the other day. I haven't really talked to you since." She frowned at him, her expression displaying her true sincerity.

Damon smiled at her a little, a genuine smile that made her feel guilty. It was _that _smile and nights spent lying on her bed like this that made her open up her heart to Damon Salvatore in the first place. She never should have let him in. "It's all good, Elena," he replied softly with a shrug. "You'd been grieving. It's understandable."

She nodded, hugging her pillow closer to herself. "It's just… how did you do it? Bring him back?"

Damon sighed, but she knew he wasn't going to lie to her. Not in this mood. He almost seemed too tired to put up his normally cold and arrogant demeanor. "Bonnie helped. Some of the dead witches too. I didn't know he was going to be human." Now _he _was the one to look at the ceiling. "Stefan's life was hell when he died. I mean, it was always hell, but you know, it got worse. He wanted to die; you could tell." Elena nodded solemnly and waited for him to continue. "Maybe it was selfish to bring him back. But I don't really care."

Elena wanted to be angry at Damon for what he had done, but truly, she was not. She'd missed Stefan so much too. They were both selfish. "He's your brother," she added. "You care about him. You can pretend to hate him all you want, but it's obvious that you two depend on… I don't know… each others' _existence._" She gave him a halfhearted smile. "You two were all you had. And when he was gone..," Elena trailed off, and Damon did not respond, not agreeing, but not disagreeing either. He swallowed, trying not to show any sign of emotion.

She twiddled her thumbs. "I get why you didn't tell me." With those words, Damon turned to her. "It's true. You are selfish." Although her words were harsh, her voice was not. "You didn't want to lose me either. I was all you had left."

No response.

"And I forgive you for that, Damon, I do. But we can't keep looking at each other and pretending nothing has changed. The sire bond is broken, Stefan is alive, and, well… I missed him. I still do miss him. It would be a lie to say I haven't thought about changing the past one thousand times so that I never even let the _thought _in of even caring about you." She winced at the words. "But I do, and I can't change that. I do care about you. But…"

Damon closed his eyes. "But…" He opened them once again, his eyes burning into hers, willing her to say the words that were on the tip of her tongue.

She gave him a pleading look. "Damon, you know."

His eyes were fiercer now, more forceful. "Say it, Elena." His lips were in a straight line. "But…"

She bit her lip, her chest aching for the pain in Damon's stony-but-failing face. "It's always going to be Stefan."

Damon took in a big breath and looked at something only he could see, and after a long pause, nodded. "Of course," he said to himself. There was a bit of anger in his eyes, but she could feel this strange sense of closure between them. After all, unlike the time when he had kissed her and snapped Jeremy's neck, they had tried. At the end of the day, Damon and Elena _had tried _to make it work. But it hadn't; it never would.

Damon's eyes met hers for one final time when he said, "Good luck." It was an attempt to be sincere, though it clearly was not. But he'd given it a try, and for that she was thankful. And when she blinked, he was gone.

But there was no emptiness in Elena's heart when he vanished.

She nodded and smiled a bit to herself, feeling pride creep into her expression. She was done with stringing both brothers along; she'd made her choice.

And now, it was time to come clean to Stefan. She was going to tell him everything. She was going to explain his dream, the Vervain necklace, and even, how he'd died. If he didn't forgive her, she would understand, but at least there would be no more lies between them.

With her new plan thought out and a new sense of self-worth, Elena grinned to herself and easily fell asleep.

It was time to get her Stefan back and never let him go, once and for all.

* * *

_**A/N: And the drama unfolds! I hope you all enjoyed the update! Please let me know what you thought of it! Every review means the world to me, and you all know that the comments really are what keep me writing. So, please, take a moment to let me know what you loved, what you hated, or what you want to see. It really makes my day! :)**_

_**So, Stefan is hoping to reconnect with Katherine, thinking she is his "mystery girl" while Elena is ready to reconnect with Stefan! How on earth will this play out? Who will get to him first, and what will he do? How will Damon react to his breakup with Elena? What did you think of the conversation between Damon and Elena? The way both Stefan and Elena are reacting to the kiss?  
**_

_**Thank you so much! Please review!  
**_

_**Xoxo  
**_

_**Sara :D  
**_


	9. Chapter 9

The doorbell rang.

Instantly, Stefan sat straight up and shuffled to his feet, a bright, hopeful smile curling on his dry lips. He glanced over at the clock: 7 am. The sun was just beginning to peek over the horizon, and he hadn't slept at all. How could he? He'd spent the past hours listening to whatever music he could find–it turned out that he was a fan of Bon Jovi—and envisioning exactly what Katherine would look like. When he had called and explained his situation to Katherine, he distinctly remembered the sound of her voice; it had been dark, sultry, inviting… and oddly familiar. He imagined a slender face and wide lips, big, blue eyes and maybe auburn hair that landed at her hips, flaring out at the bottoms like individual flames. Whoever Katherine was, he was well aware of one thing from his journal entries; this girl was beautiful and cosmic and powerful enough to shake the earth.

The polar opposite of Elena Gilbert.

And he was ready.

Stefan quickly ran his hands along his shirt, smoothing it out. As he ran down the stairs, he pushed his fingers through his hair to give it enough volume. Apparently, girls liked volume. Or, at least, Elena liked volume.

He caught himself and tried to stop thinking about her_. _

Stefan stopped fixing his hair.

Nervously, Stefan placed his hand on the doorknob, preparing himself for whatever was on the other side. As Elena had told him earlier that day, he was about to jump off of the figurative cliff.

And so, before he could change his mind, Stefan opened the door and…

Elena was standing there?

His jaw nearly hit the floor as he looked her over. She was flat out _sexy, _leaning against the doorway like she owned the place, like she owned _him. _Dressed in a tight, black top and even tighter jeans, she was… breathtaking. Her eyes were burning into his –she was completely eye-level now, thanks to the stiletto heels she was wearing—and Stefan had to remind himself to breathe. He had to suppress a smirk of his own as he looked her over once more. She had changed her mind. She'd gotten dressed up _at seven in the morning _and there was no doubt in his mind that it was for him.

Stefan stuttered a few times before he could get a single word out, and when he did, all that he managed to say was, "Wow. Elena. You look…"

She smirked, and he had to restrain himself from staring at her lips. "Can I come in, Stefan?"

Practically drooling, he nodded, stepping aside for her to enter. He heard her heels click across the threshold and watched her enter, completely enthralled by her poise. "Hey," he finally said. "About what happened today—"

She cut him off by placing a finger to his lips. "Shhh." He complied, and she started leaning closer, and his temperature rose about tenfold. His mind was foggy; she'd never had this kind of effect on him before. He was almost taken off guard. The air in the room with Elena was usually less thick… it wasn't worse or better than what was happening right now… just different. He then remembered who he'd been waiting for moments ago, and the realization crashed over him in a moment of clarity.

Right before her sultry lips met his, Stefan whispered, unsure but defiant, "You're not Elena."

Surprised but never one to lose her smooth composure, Katherine took a step back and laughed, her eyes still glued to his. "Even when you can't remember anything, you can still recognize me, Stefan." She smirked, running her long, slender fingers through her luscious, curly hair. A surge of disappointment rushed through Stefan at her confirmation. Was he really expecting Elena to show up and choose him over his brother? He should have been angry at Katherine for her deception, but for some odd reason, he was too spellbound by her appearance to care. Her brown eyes shone with faux innocence, giving him a strange rush. "I'm Katherine." Even the way she said her name made his body quake with want.

Overwhelmed by her, Stefan swallowed. "I'm… uh… Stefan."

She laughed again, making her way _even closer _to him with a confident sway in her hips, a sway that Elena hadn't quite mastered. "I know." She grinned, a smile that was all red lips and white teeth. Katherine slowly placed her palm over Stefan's beating heart, her eyelids heavy as she concentrated on her movement. "We've met."

He swallowed nervously, looking down at Katherine's hand. "I know. I'm—"

"You're human?"

Stefan nodded quickly. "I am."

She finally raised her gaze to meet his again, and a sense of intimidation flooded through Stefan's body. It finally dawned on him just how powerful this woman before him was, how experienced… "It's like 1864 all over again," she observed with a smirk. "We're going to have so much fun together."

* * *

"Slow down! Wait, let me get this straight." Caroline was sitting at a picnic table, waving her hands back and forth like a lunatic. Her blue eyes were glimmering from the sunlight and also from the exciting information her best friend had just given her. "He kissed you, you freaked out and broke up with Damon and…"

Elena sighed and clasped her fingers together, staring down at them. "I'm going to tell him everything. I want to make things right. I love him, Caroline." Elena smiled to herself at the thought of reuniting with Stefan after their mini-eternity apart.

Caroline let out a squeal that hardly sounded human, jumping up and down a little bit to exemplify her joy. "It's about time you got your head straight! But I mean he just kissed you? Like it was nothing?"

Elena smiled modestly and nodded.

"That is the sweetest thing ever!" Then, the blond grew serious. "When you tell him about everything that happened though, he might need some time."

Sighing, Elena looked down. "I know. I just have to hope that eventually we'll find our way back to each other. And if we don't, we don't, I guess."

Caroline rolled her eyes, dramatically hitting the table. "That will not happen. He loves you more than anything! He's your epic love."

"Loved. He _loved _me more than anything." Elena bit her lip, her chest suddenly feeling heavier. "I don't know if he'll ever love me the way he used to." And, damn_, _did the truth in those words hurt. Because she knew, just like she knew that the sky was blue, that the "epic love" that was once Stefan and Elena would never be the same.

But none of that mattered now. Even if he couldn't love her, she would love him. She'd love him enough for the both of them.

"Speaking of Stefan," Elena said, looking behind her at the parking lot, hoping to spot his red Porsche, "Have you seen him today? I was hoping I'd talk to him."

Caroline sighed. "Nope. I don't think he showed up."

The strangest sense of apprehension and dread filled Elena's entire body.

* * *

Katherine stretched out on the leather couch that rested in the middle of the Salvatore mansion's parlor. Had it always been this comfy? She grinned to herself contently and watched as Stefan poured her a glass of bourbon. Poor thing, his hands were shaking like crazy. He nearly missed the glass!

When he approached her and handed her the glass, Katherine brushed her fingers against his for a moment too long. She took note of the way his lips quickly parted so he could let out the breath he'd been holding. She smirked to herself, loving the effect she had on him. It had been a long time since Stefan had looked at her like that, and by _a long time, _she meant over a century. And she was enjoying every minute of it. "So," she said casually. "Now you know why I look like Elena. I've answered your questions. Time for me to do the asking. Why did you call me?"

Stefan took a seat in the chair farthest away from her, averting his gaze. "I read about you in one of my journals. And I had this dr—I've been feeling like something, maybe someone, was missing." He bit his lip. "It's hopeless, I know, but, um, I was kind of hoping that it was you."

Katherine raised her eyebrows. This day had just gotten much more interesting. Not only was Stefan vulnerable and lacking memories, but he also wanted to rekindle his old flame with her? Now that was definitely something she was capable of doing. Sitting up, she eyed him, her gaze intense. "You were acting awfully intimate when you thought I was Elena."

Stefan shook his head, forcing a sad smile. "Something happened with her, but whatever it was, it's over. She's a friend. I think maybe whatever I felt for her was…"

He trailed off when Katherine began to saunter over to him. She gently placed her hands on his shoulders and licked her lips slowly, in that enticing way where he had no other choice but to watch. "Because of me? Whatever you felt for her was because she looks like me."

Katherine noticed the way Stefan's chest expanded, the way his eyes got a little wider. "Yeah, maybe…" As he spoke, she pulled herself onto his lap, her thighs on both sides of his hips. He gasped, and she simply smiled, caressing his timid and unsure face.

"Well, Stefan," Katherine began, trailing her nails against the inside of his forearm with just enough pressure to make his eyelids a bit heavier in relaxation. "I have to say, you and I have not been getting along recently. In fact, when we last left off, you said you hated me."

Craving Katherine's fiery contact and aching to feel something other than whatever it was he felt for Elena, Stefan breathed out, "Maybe I lied."

She leaned closer, and he knew that she was teasing now. "Maybe you didn't."

Stefan clenched his jaw; this woman's body was a weapon and she knew it. Katherine was alluring and consuming and the most irrational part of him wanted to lose himself in all of it. If Katherine Pierce's body was fire, then maybe he'd endure the burns. He wanted to feel the burn of her kiss, feel it just like he'd felt in his dream.

"I don't feel hate towards you now," he responded steadily.

Katherine leaned so close that he could feel her tempting, hot breath tickling his lips. "What do you feel, Stefan?" She was playing with him, seeing just how far he would go, and he hated how much control she had over him. And when she closed her eyes, Stefan closed his and waited for the wildfire to erupt.

She kissed him, and it was definitely not lacking in passion and lust. Stefan reached up and gripped her face roughly, trying to pull her closer. In this moment, he was a drowning man, so close to reaching the surface of the water. And although he was well aware of the immense heat radiating through every nerve, Stefan's mind and heart were elsewhere. No matter how roughly his lips collided with Katherine's, how close he held her or how heated the moment got, the sense of love from his dream… it was not there. In his dream, the girl had given him a quick rush replete with passion, love, lust, accomplishment, pride, and acceptance. Kissing Katherine felt like a cheap cop-out.

_Stop thinking, _he thought to himself, and he pulled Katherine a little closer, briefly distracted by the heat of her body against his. Desire surged between them. Maybe if he kissed her hard enough, held her close enough, the intensity of their moment would distract him. Maybe, just maybe, the love he so desperately craved would eventually surface. Although giving into the heat was easy, he couldn't shake the emptiness inside of his chest. Stefan finally realized that he was digging for a treasure that was nowhere to be found.

When Katherine had first walked into his life again, Stefan was not experiencing _love. _He had been experiencing delusional teenage _lust. _So, finally, he pulled away, breathless and dissatisfied.

The chiming of the doorbell echoed through the house, snapping them both out of the panting haze they were both in. Stefan turned his head to the door.

"Let them ring," Katherine turned his head back around and went in for another steamy kiss. Suddenly feeling tired and dirty, Stefan gently pushed her away and made his way to the door.

With a small sigh, Stefan opened the main doors and was met with Elena's soft brown eyes. A sense of happiness rushed through his veins at the sight of her, and his heart started to beat again.

_This _was what Elena was supposed to look like. She was dressed in flaring blue jeans and converse and a long-sleeve t-shirt… and she was beautiful. She didn't need stilettos or heavy makeup; she just needed to be _Elena. _And suddenly, for the first time all day, he felt _good, _all because Elena Gilbert, the real Elena Gilbert, was standing on his doorstep. They exchanged gentle smiles, but Stefan was puzzled when her gentle demeanor soon changed. Her expression transformed into something much more tense when she stared at his chest, so Stefan looked down too. Dear _god_, Katherine had ripped the top of his shirt open. His hair was a mess too…

"Elena," he pleaded, not quite sure exactly how to tell her about what he'd been up to all day.

She looked at him, waiting for an explanation. Just as Stefan opened his mouth to speak, someone else interrupted him.

"Hello, Elena." Behind him, Katherine stood smugly with cat-like poise, looking just as messy as him. She smirked proudly, placing a possessive hand on Stefan's shoulder.

Elena looked between the two of them, anger and jealousy bubbling deep in the pit of her stomach. Stefan wanted to step out to her and say something comforting, but Katherine's strong hold was keeping him in place. He was sick with guilt. He said Elena's name again, but she was not looking at him. Her seething eyes were set on her doppelganger.

"Katherine," she hissed out.

Elena was _not _going to let Katherine storm into town and ruin everything again.

* * *

_**AN: Let the cat fight begin! What on earth will happen now? I hope you all enjoyed the chapter. I don't think it's my best update, but nonetheless I hope you all liked it and will continue reading. I can promise next chapter there will be lots of Stelena. So please review letting me know what you thought and if you want me to update again. Every review means so much to me and inspires me more than you can imagine. Let me know what you loved/what you hated/what you want to see.**_

_**How will Katherine being in Mystic Falls affect Elena? How will it affect Stefan? Will Elena still tell Stefan about their past, or will she keep it hidden for a little while longer? Will Stefan EVER find out that Elena is the girl he's looking for... or does he already know? Review and stay tuned for more!**_

_**Thank you all! Please review! Xoxo  
**_

_**Sara :)  
**_


	10. Chapter 10

Elena stood rigid in the doorway, eyes firmly set on Katherine's, unblinking. An unspoken sense of rage, resentment, and possessiveness swelled between them. Their posture was stiff, their feet firmly set on the ground, brown eyes burning into brown eyes. Pink lips in straight lines. Eyebrows furrowed in jealousy. If Stefan hadn't known better, he would have thought that there was a fun-house mirror in his doorway… or maybe an entrance to a different dimension. On one side, there was Elena: plain, beautiful Elena, with her converse and long-sleeve shirt and torn up jeans. And on the other side –his side—Katherine stood, the anti-Elena: sexy, bewitching Katherine, with her stilettos and skin tight clothing.

An angel was looking at a demon.

Stefan had no idea what to say. The tension was so thick that he could hardly move. Just then, his phone rang, making him jump, but the girls did not turn their heads.

"You should get that, Stefan," Elena said monotonously, gritting her teeth. Concentrated on Katherine.

He stuttered, "N-no, it's fine. It's just Caroline."

Katherine did not turn her head when she spoke, "By all means, Stefan, go ahead."

He bit his lip and turned the phone off. "No, really. It doesn't matter. I'll call her back. I don't want to-" He stopped talking when Katherine finally turned to look at him, a look of annoyance coming over her previously rigid features. With a sigh, she ran her tongue along her smooth lips. Then, her eyes fell on Stefan's. Her pupils dilated.

Elena watched, completely enveloped by white-hot rage as Katherine's eyes captured Stefan's. When her doppelganger began to speak in that familiar, flat tone of hers, Elena almost snapped. "Go upstairs and call Caroline back. I'd like to have a moment alone with sweet _E-le-na _over here." Elena clenched her fists when Stefan absently nodded. "If you don't mind."

"I think I'll call Caroline now."

"Good." She smirked, sending a shrug to Elena, who was now fuming. "Oh, but first… Stefan…" Grinning, she grabbed him by the collar of his shirt and left a slow, steamy kiss on his slow-moving lips. "I hope to continue what you and I started later…" He dazedly nodded and hurriedly walked up the stairs, pulling out his phone and dialing Caroline's number.

"You just compelled him," Elena stated, sounding a little too calm. Internally, she was _seething. _

"So?" Katherine's cat-like grin only infuriated Elena more, and when she began to giggle, Elena was so tempted to knock the voice right out of her throat. "I like human Stefan, don't you? He's… cute."

"Cute? Are you kidding me?" Elena stepped over the threshold, running her hands through her hair. It was the only thing she could do to keep herself from ripping out Katherine's heart. She had to continuously remind herself that she was human, Katherine was more powerful, and if she ended up getting into a fight over this, Stefan would be the one to have to clean up her blood. So, she decided it was best to avoid violence for now. "What is wrong with you? That's Stefan. He may not remember much, but he's still the same person. He's not a baby or a lost puppy; it's _him, _and he's vulnerable and lost, and you can't just come in here and take advantage of him!"

"Woah, there." Katherine held up her hands, chuckling to herself. "Did you miss the part where _he _called _me_?"

Elena paused. "He called you?"

She nodded.

"How did he even know to call you?" She hated the way that her voice betrayed the cold expression on her face; Elena was absolutely, without a doubt, jealous.

Suddenly bored, Katherine shrugged once again. "He said he read about me in a journal entry. And he was hoping I was the love of his life. I mean, it's about time he came to his senses. On the phone, he even offered to run away from Mystic Falls and meet me."

"Oh my god. The dream." Elena closed her eyes, pinching the bridge of her nose. Stefan had actually _tried _to find the girl from his dream, had actually tried to find _her. _Suddenly, she began to piece together the story in her mind. Stefan had been so confused about their kiss that he had decided to find the dream girl once and for all… "That stupid dream is going to be the death of both of us."

Katherine furrowed her brows. "Dream?"

"He didn't tell you about the dream?" Elena asked, surprised. "Never mind. Look, that's beyond the point right now. You need to leave Stefan alone or we're going to have a serious problem, and you're going to end up with a stake through your back. Are we clear?" The human girl stood a little taller, suddenly feeling stronger.

Katherine only snickered and tilted her head slightly to the side. She took a fierce step closer, making Elena tremble a bit. "Are you threatening me, Elena? I sure hope not, because let's get one thing straight: you have _no _control over Stefan. I know it's hard to hear, _honey, _but he doesn't love you anymore. He doesn't belong to you. And if I want to see Stefan, if I want to kiss Stefan, If I want to do _whatever I please _with Stefan, I will." She placed a gentle but forceful hand on Elena's shoulder. "Because it's not your call. You know what? Maybe I'll even share blood with him." Katherine leaned closer; she was whispering now. "And I'll let you watch as I _drain the life from his body. _If you're lucky, I'll let you see his face when he wakes up and realizes he's got an eternity to spend with me."

Elena was shaking with rage now. "You wouldn't dare take his humanity away from him again."

"Please," Katherine practically sang, her voice quiet, threatening. "When I'm done with him, he'll be begging for it."

Elena wanted to reply, but she kept her jaw shut. And just as Katherine stepped away and Elena thought she was going to be able to let out the breath she'd been holding, her terrifying doppelganger leaned in once more, malice and amusement thick in her voice. "I wonder what it'd be like for you if Stefan ended up sired to _me._"

Now Elena really was going to hit her. She could feel the anger, the _insanity_ rushing through her veins and fueling every muscle, fueling her pulse. But as she swung, Katherine disappeared, leaving nothing behind but a terrible foreboding in Elena's chest and the scent of designer perfume.

* * *

"Stefan, you're an _idiot_! Have I ever told you that? Well, you are. You're a raging idiot. What the hell is wrong with you?" Caroline was ranting so loudly that Stefan had to move the phone away from his ear. "I mean, _Katherine? _Even Rebekah would have been better, and that's saying a lot!"

Puzzlement spread across his face. "Rebekah?"

"Not important. What on earth possessed you to call _Katherine?_ Do you want me to go on and on and name every single bad thing she's done to the people in this town?"

Stefan sighed, falling back on his bed. "Look, I read my journal from 1860 and I loved her." He watched for a few seconds as his ceiling fan spun around. "I don't know if I still do. I think I could if I had to."

"No. Do _not _do that, Stefan Salvatore. Do not settle for less than you want."

Closing his eyes, Stefan suddenly realized he really did not want to be on the phone, getting lectured by his overly-excited best friend. "Well when you find out what I want, let me know."

"Ugh! Like I said, you're an idiot." Caroline's voice was so high that he winced a bit. Nonetheless, he couldn't help but crack a little smile from the passion in her voice at a topic that did not affect her own life at all.

"Why am I an idiot exactly?"

"Do you know why Elena was even coming over to your house in the first place?"

There was a long pause.

"No," Stefan replied honestly.

Caroline huffed on the other end. "She broke up with Damon! She was going to come over and talk things out with you, Stefan. She wanted to make things work because she's clearly _crazy about you, _and even if you won't admit it, you're crazy about her."

Stefan opened his eyes. What? Had he just heard that right? Elena had broken up with Damon to be with him. Elena wanted to try things out between the two of them. "Elena _Gilbert_?" Something inside of his chest leaped, and his hand flew over the location; his heart was pounding erratically.

"Yes, dummy! Elena Gilbert!"

He couldn't stop the smile from curling onto his lips. So what he was feeling for Elena wasn't just gratitude. She felt their chemistry too. She felt for him what he felt for her, and maybe, just maybe, she was just as confused as he was about it. They could figure it out though. They could figure it _all out._ She wanted to figure it out.

And just then, he heard footsteps coming up the stairs, and once again, that flying feeling returned to his chest. "Yeah, Caroline, I'm going to have to call you back."

He quickly hung up and watched the door as the sound of Elena's sneakers against the hardwood floor came closer and closer. Suddenly feeling nervous, Stefan brushed his sweaty palms against his jeans, looking down. _Damn it! _He still had the torn shirt on. As the Elena's steps came even closer, he quickly rushed to his drawer, threw the shirt off, and fumbled to put a sweatshirt on. When she arrived in the doorway, Stefan was putting his final arm into the final sleeve, and he let out a sigh of relief… until she saw her face. For a moment, she looked annoyed and distraught and angry, but when she caught a glimpse of him, Elena brought her hand to her mouth and began to laugh.

"What?" he questioned, confused. She had to bite her lip. Unable to contain her laughter, she gestured to his sweatshirt, so he looked down. Dear god. He had the sweatshirt on backwards. _Of course _he had the sweatshirt on backwards! Bashfully, Stefan averted his gaze and pulled his arms back in, swinging it around.

"Do you need a reminder on how to put on clothes?" she chuckled, taking a step closer to help him spin it around. Stefan swallowed, standing a little straighter in an attempt to look strong and independent for her. "Do you even have anything on underneath this?"

"Um… no," he admitted, looking at the floor.

Elena snickered, shaking her head a bit. "Maybe you do need a lesson. Here…" She stepped past him to the second drawer on the right –she knew _exactly _where Stefan kept his comfy shirts—and tossed him one of his white tank tops. Stefan laughed to himself and turned around, pulling the heavy sweatshirt over his head.

Elena was about to ask him about his day with Katherine, but was momentarily distracted by the smooth curves of his back. It was stupid, she knew, but she missed simple moments like these, when he'd change into something more comfortable and she would just be able to watch him and stare all she wanted. She missed Stefan; she missed the memories they had made. Now that he knew nothing about them, they almost seemed like a dream. "Stefan, why did you call Katherine?" She finally got out the words that had been nagging at her all night, although she knew the answer.

"I thought she was the girl from my dream," he replied curtly, not turning in her direction. He began to fiddle with drawers and fold clothes that were already folded. Elena waited for him to elaborate. "Maybe she was, I don't know. I guess it was all just kind of…"

"Overwhelming?" she offered.

"No." He turned to look at her. "Underwhelming. It was underwhelming." Letting out a long breath, Stefan took a seat beside Elena, staring straight ahead. "Was I stupid to think that all of the feelings would come rushing back? I mean, maybe they're there and we just have to uncover them. I don't know; I mean, I could _try _and make things work with Katherine, but suddenly I just feel so tired I didn't think that you…" He cut himself off, not quite ready to mention his knowledge of Elena's feelings for him, not after what he had done with Katherine today. So, instead, he buried his face in his hands. "God, I'm just so tired of feeling like this."

Elena looked at him sadly, her eyes welling with tears. She wanted so badly to help him, but she didn't even know where to begin anymore. She was tired, too. "Feeling like what, Stefan?"

"Like something's missing!" he snapped, throwing his hands in the air. "Like I'm empty. Honestly, Elena, I feel _hollow _inside, and it's been there ever since I woke up. And no matter how hard I try, no matter how often I dream of this girl and hope to find her, it's still there, and it keeps getting worse and worse and I feel like I'm just caving in more and more every day. And I'm starting to think that maybe love isn't… that love isn't this panaceathat I've been looking for. Who am I kidding?" He laughed humorlessly. Shaking his head, lips trembling and eyelashes wet with tears, Stefan stood up and began to pace. "She left, Elena. Whoever the girl was, she didn't love me enough to stay. She _left_ and because of that, I'm empty_. _I can hold onto the things I felt in that dream all I want and hope to find her, but let's look around: she's not here. And I've been lying to myself for so long, but you know what? I think that I'm starting to get it. I'm starting to understand the world we live in. It's not a fairy tale. You're right. True love is complicated, and it's messy, and it's incredible but it _doesn't exist_."

His back was away from her now, his shoulders shaking as his body wracked with uncontrollable sobs. Elena closed her own eyes, trying desperately to hide the fact that tears were streaming down her own face. Once again, Stefan was broken and it was _her fault_. All she was doing was hurting him. Stefan was right; true love was messy and complicated, but it _did _exist. Her aching chest was proof of that. His miserable demeanor was proof as well. "Stefan," she breathed.

He hit the top of his drawer roughly, and something fell and shattered. Elena jumped. She half expected him to break something else, but he slowly pressed his head against the wood of the dresser, breathing in and out heavily. "How do you do it?"

Elena swallowed. "Do what?"

"Everything." He gave that halfhearted chuckle again, and it broke Elena's heart. Stefan turned around and looked at her, as vulnerable as she'd ever seen him. "You're empty too. I see it in your eyes." He stepped closer and slowly approached her, placing the Vervain pendant that rested over her chest in his palm. Elena held her breath. "How do you find a reason to wake up every day knowing that he's gone?"

She was breaking. This was all too much and not enough. Elena wanted to tell him everything right then and there, but she restrained herself. She would tell him that he'd died later, that they were once in love until cruel fate tore them apart. He didn't deserve to hear that tonight. She wanted a fresh start just as he did. Stefan did not wish to remember his past; he wanted a new one. "I guess," She trembled. "I'm just hoping that someone will come around and make me feel a little less empty."

He continued to trace his thumb along the intricate design of the pendant. "Do you think it'll happen?" His green eyes flicked up to meet hers.

"Yeah," Elena answered honestly. Hesitantly, she once again threw gasoline into the fire and brought her hand up to the side of his face. She was done fighting this blazing chemistry that they shared; it was causing more harm than good. And so, just tonight, for just a moment, she needed to give in, for Stefan's sanity, for her own sanity. So, she took a leap of faith, closed her eyes, and gently tilted his head down until his lips met hers.

* * *

_**AN: Ahhh! Sorry for the long time it took me to update! I was sick last week, so I decided to take a break and write a good, thought out update this week, because trust me, if I had updated last week, it would have been disappointing and I want to write the best chapters I possibly can for you all! Nonetheless, I hope you enjoyed the chapter. A lot happened: Katherine has evil plans, and Elena has finally given in. Will it come back to bite her, or will this actually be good for Stefan and her? Please review letting me know what you thought! Every review inspires me to keep writing. Seriously, you have no idea. I read (and re-read!) every single one and take everything into great consideration. So, please let me know what you thought, what you loved, what you hated, and what you'd like to see!**_

_**What will happen with Stefan and Elena now? When will she come clean and tell him that she's the girl he's been looking for? Will Katherine come between them?  
**_

_**Thanks! Please review!  
**_

_**Xoxo  
**_

_**Sara :)  
**_


	11. Chapter 11

Mystic Grill's refurbished bar was quickly becoming Damon's new best friend. He chuckled to himself, shrugging as he downed his bourbon and ran his fingers across the smooth maple counter. Hey, he'd much preferred the white oak one, but for some odd reason, before the original family busted out of town, that section of Mystic Grill had "accidentally" caught fire.

Amused, Damon ordered another drink and placed it neatly on the spot to his left. "There you go, Rick," he muttered to no one. Just then, a quick, slender hand reached over and snatched the amber drink, taking his empty friend's place.

"How thoughtful. You got me a drink and everything… It's like you've been waiting for the last 145 years." She giggled, a smooth, sardonic sound that made Damon's jaw clench with anger. He didn't even need to look over in order to know what he'd end up seeing: long, curly hair, tight clothes, manicured nails and a bitchy attitude.

"Katherine," he hissed out. "What a… _pleasant _surprise." His smile was so big and so forced that his eyes hurt.

She rested her elbow on the table, taking a long sip of his –_Alaric's-_ whiskey. "Don't squint. It's not a very becoming look on you, Damon." He dramatically laughed in response, finally meeting her fierce gaze with a glare—Well, he did that _after _doing a quick once over of her; no, Katherine hadn't changed at all.

"Why did you decide to drop by?" he asked bitterly. "Last I checked, you didn't want to be Klaus bait."

Katherine shrugged, as poised as ever. "He's gone for now. I was a little hesitant at first, but when Stefan called, I just knew that I couldn't resist any longer." Now that Damon's interest had been peaked, she seemed to be more interested in her nails than the conversation.

"He called you?"

"Yup," she replied curtly.

Trying to hide his frustration, Damon continued to question her. "Why?"

She quickly and hurriedly began to explain his journal entry, glazed over their heated reunion, and then began to get off topic to complaining about how much of a buzz kill Elena was and…

Damon was baffled. "So you just showed up because he _called_? That sounds a little out of character, hmm? Considering we both spent over a century waiting for you." She simply rolled her eyes, and he kept going. "There has to be another motive."

She sighed, avoiding his blue eyes. "My curiosity got the best of me. I mean, I'd heard the rumors about him, but when he called I really just wanted to see for myse—"

"What rumors?" he cut her off sharply.

After letting out an amused laugh, she downed her drink and began to stand up. "It's not a secret, Damon. A lot of vampires know about Stefan and how he turned Elena human. A lot of them are looking for him actually… Some are angry that they both got to be human, and some just want to know how he did it. But, hey, Stefan seems like an easy target with his memories and all so…"

Damon tensed. "Target? How do you know they're targeting him?"

Katherine let out a giggle, shrugging once again. "I guess you might want to keep me around then." She placed a slow hand on his shoulder as she leaned in close, sending hot shivers down his spine. "Remember, Damon, I'm on _your _side."

* * *

Stefan was so shocked by Elena's lips against his that he didn't even have enough mentality to kiss back. It was short, chaste, and only lasted about a second… but his mind and his body were racing.

He was frozen. Stunned.

And when she pulled away and he saw the rejected look on her face, he tried to snap himself out of it, tried to make his lips move, but he was regretfully numb. Elena's eyes searched his own for any response, and when she got none, she took a step away, tucking her hair behind her ears and quickly looking around the room. There she had been, baring her soul, finally willing herself to get caught up in Stefan for just_ a moment, _and now she felt like a complete fool. "I'm sorry," she muttered, keeping her eyes on the floor, trying to keep her thoughts clear. "I don't know why I did that. I guess I just thought that you—"

He silenced her by raising a hand. Immediately, Elena hushed, eyeing him curiously. Stefan closed his eyes for a long moment, bringing his hands to his face. She thought he was going to rub them along his face –he sometimes did that when he was thinking—but instead, he merely brought a finger to his lips, awestruck.

Elena's heart inflated.

He looked at her, green eyes on chocolate brown, completely taken by surprise, completely taken by _her. _He blinked slowly a few times and willed himself to speak despite the sudden rush that went through his entire body. He whispered her name, and it vaguely sounded human, so that was a good start. "Were you planning that?"

A bright blush crept upon her cheeks when she replied, "No. Are you alright?"

"Yeah." He ran his teeth across his bottom lip and laughed, a vibrant, deep sound that reverberated through the walls and made her tremble in the best ways. "I just…" He furrowed his brows. "I think I've been waiting for that to happen ever since I woke up."

Elena's body shook; it seemed to be something that only Stefan could do to her. The way he made her knees shake, the way he made her stomach drop, the way she loved him… it scared her sometimes. It hurt so badly to love him, to tremble with fear and desperation whenever this mutual feeling of passion enveloped the both of them. It hurt because she'd hurt him, but god, did it feel incredible to look at him and know that there was a shred of hope left for them. No matter how dead the Elena Gilbert who had died on Wickery Bridge was, no matter how dead the Stefan Salvatore who had saved her was, no matter how _broken and dead _they both were… their love was there. It was there and it was thriving and it was blossoming again and…

"Hey," his voice was soft when he cupped her face. "Why are you crying?"

She laughed through her tears, not even knowing that they'd been streaming down her face. "I'm overwhelmed," she replied truthfully. "I'm happy."

With a few smooth flicks of his thumb, he wiped the tears off of her warm cheeks, his gaze burning into her own. A gentle grin made its way onto his lips when he said, "I'm glad. I was getting kind of worried that I'd ruined the moment and accidentally stepped on your foot or something…"

She laughed again, although it came out as a sob. She loved him. She loved him more than she ever had. She loved him more than she did when they first kissed, she loved him more than she did when they first made love, she loved him more than she did when he died for her. She loved him to the ends of the earth, from the tips of her fingers to the tips of her hair. Even when he _didn't know her, _his heart and his body did. Stefan was clueless, but there was something inside of him, something deep within his chest that wasn't willing to let her go. And for tonight at least, it was alright if he didn't love her yet. They were getting there. He was getting there.

"Please just kiss me," she managed to get out, craving his touch more than ever. "I mean, if you want t—"

Without even needing to hesitate, Stefan cut her off by placing a long kiss to her lips, silencing her words and her train of thought. Practically by instinct, she swung her arms around and wrapped them around his neck, pulling herself a little closer. Though he was a little unsure at first, Stefan wrapped his arms around her waist, and even through her shirt, her skin burned with the sweetest fire. He didn't know her or remember her, but his body sure did. He'd held her _exactly _like this so many times that she was surprised the imprint of his arms hadn't been permanently indented onto her skin. God, when was the last time she'd been kissed like this? She missed it _so much. _He was finally so close, and a sense of belonging surrounded them both. For the first time in a long time, her guilt melted away, only replaced by the sweet, slow burn of Stefan's kiss. He was healing her, and he didn't even know it. In his arms, wrapped up in his scent and the chemistry of his skin against hers, she was confident that nothing would keep them apart again.

Stefan was the one to pull away, gasping for breath as he rested his forehead against Elena's. Her breath was heavy and sweet against his lips, and he quickly decided that this moment, breathing the same air as her, inhaling her every exhale, was almost as good as the kiss itself. In this moment, he truly felt as if he could be the air she breathed, the oxygen that coursed through her veins, and it scared him. This sense of completion and intimacy had not only startled him, but also terrified him. "Elena Gilbert," he whispered, holding her face between his two hands, searching her fathomless eyes for all of the answers he'd been looking for. "Who are you?"

She smiled a bit, placing her tiny hands over his. _I love you. I'll love you, Stefan Salvatore, until the world stops spinning. And I just hope you can forgive me for the things I've done, the pain I've caused you. _The words were on the tip of her tongue, and she was about to say them too. She was tired of secrets. She was going to tell him everything; he deserved to know. But just as she opened her mouth, prepared to piece everything together for him, from his dream to the way he kissed her at the swimming hole…

"Knock knock!" Damon rushed inside, popping one of Stefan's drawers open and throwing articles of clothing across the floor. Elena's hands dropped to her side, and Stefan's did the same. She let out the breath she didn't realize she'd been holding; their moment was shattered.

"Damon, what are you doing?" Stefan asked after taking a long moment to put his head back together.

"Vervain, Vervain…" He ripped a drawer right out, causing Stefan and Elena to jump. Damon roughly turned to Elena, his eyes full of anger and determination. "Where does he keep the Vervain?"

"Damon!" Elena demanded, her voice loud. "What the hell is going on?"

"They're coming for him," he answered venomously, going back to his search.

Stefan was the one to interject now. "Who is coming for who?"

"You, Stefan!" he exploded. "There are vampires coming for _you_. And they're not going to stop until we figure out how to cure them, or until they have your head detached from your body."

Elena gasped. "Why would they want to kill him?"

He rolled his eyes. That was beyond the point! "Have you ever _met _a vampire, Elena? We're angry and we're vengeful." He disregarded her. "Anyway, until we can think of a game plan, Stefan, we need to load you up with Vervain and keep you inside the house at all times."

Damon's rant was followed by a long, tense pause. Elena was too startled to come up with a reply, and Damon was breathing heavily from talking too fast. They all stared between each other for a long moment, until Stefan turned to his older brother and broke the silence.

"Turn me."

* * *

_**AN: Oh no! Why on earth did Stefan say that? Why does he want Damon to turn him? Will Damon do it? Stay tuned to find out! I hope you all liked the chapter… Sorry for the two week update again. School is crazy, but I'm doing the best that I can to update whenever I can for you all. Please leave a review letting me know what you thought: what you loved, hated, etc. By now, you guys all know that you truly are what keeps me writing fanfic :)**_

_**How will Katherine come into play now? Does she have any ulterior motives? And what does this mean for Stefan and Elena? She was SO CLOSE to telling him the truth! Will they ever be able to overcome this, and will he ever remember? Please let me know what you thought! Every comment means the world to me. Thank you!**_

_**Xoxo**_

_**Sara :) **_


	12. Chapter 12

"He can't be serious." Elena paced back and forth in the Salvatore's parlor, running her fingers through her hair anxiously.

"Shhh." Damon furiously put a finger to his lips, followed by a quick point upstairs. They'd kept Stefan up there on a mission to search for Vervain, though truly, it was nothing but a distraction at this point. Upon hearing his demand to be turned, both Damon and Elena circumvented the request and made halfhearted excuses to go downstairs. Now, Damon was shrugging his shoulders. "It was just an idea. I'm sure he'll forget about it within an hour."

Elena sent him a fierce glare. "It's Stefan. He doesn't _forget _anything. He wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it."

"Well, if he wants to be turned—"

Whipping around quickly, Elena gave him a deadly look, making Damon freeze immediately. "You are not turning him. Stefan is not going to learn to hate himself again." After erratically moving from location to location, she sat herself down on the couch, her face buried in her hands. "It's been so amazing to see him like this. The guilt… it's gone."

Damon eyed her hesitantly for a long moment before taking a seat beside her. "We both know that the kid upstairs isn't Stefan. He's confused and he's—"

"He _is _Stefan," she snapped, her anger beginning to make her blood boil. How could Damon say something so foolish? "You know him better than anyone! He may not be _our _Stefan, but that's who he's supposed to be! That's who he was supposed to be before Katherine came along… he wasn't supposed to hate himself, and he sure as hell wasn't supposed to live forever. This is who he is."

Letting out a deep sigh, Damon gazed into the empty furnace. "All I'm saying is, he's different. Maybe if he turned now, it'd be good for him. That's who he's been most of his life. Whether you want to admit it or not, being a vampire is part of Stefan now; it's practically tapestry. Maybe he'd get a better idea of who he is."

"That's not true!" Elena tried to keep her voice low, but it was getting increasingly difficult. "He's wanted this for the past century, and I'm not going to let his _blissful ignorance _ruin that. Stefan told me… before everything… when we first learned about the cure, that he'd dreamt about being human for so long," she started, staring at the ceiling. She collected her thoughts for a long second, and Damon waited patiently. When she spoke again, her eyes were wet. "You know, sometimes I think about that day when he sacrificed himself. He didn't seem scared; if anything, he was _ready. _And the more I think about it, the more I realize that maybe he didn't die for me."

Damon interrupted, "But he did—"

She waved him off. "No, I know he died_ for_ me. But a part of me wonders if it wasn't all about that." Trying to keep her voice from shaking, Elena finally looked Damon in the eyes. "I think he wanted to die… because it's the most human thing that a vampire can experience. I think he kind of wanted to experience the dependence that you have on someone before your life is ripped away. It's the opposite of vampirism, I guess." She watched as Damon opened his mouth to say something, but she cut in before he could speak again.

Damon exhaled deeply. "We can't rip this away from him," he concluded.

"Yes," she agreed. "It's not every day that someone dies and turns human. So I guess we'll just have to fight to keep it that way, right?"

After a long moment, Damon grinned, and for the first time in a long while, it felt genuine.

"What are you guys talking about?"

Stefan turned the corner into the parlor, causing both Elena and Damon to jump in response. They exchanged worried glances before Damon smoothly took over. "Actually, we were talking about you. How's that memory treating you, brother?"

"Great," the younger Salvatore replied with a smile so wide that his forehead crinkled. Elena, assuming that he had not overheard them, released the breath she'd been holding. Stefan continued, "Hey, guys, um, I think I found a vial of Vervain extract or something… I don't remember what it looks like though. It's up on my bed."

Damon grinned proudly. "That's my baby bro!" he dramatically complimented, standing up to pat Stefan on the shoulder before running to the stairs. He then glanced back at Elena. "Well, let's go check it out."

Stefan nodded. "Hey, I'll be right behind you." Elena, confused, sent him a baffled look, so he quickly replied, "I'm thirsty."

"Me too. I'll go with you." After giving him an affectionate look, she placed a slow, gentle hand on Stefan's arm. His gaze instantly landed on the location of her touch, his muscles going rigid.

When he spoke, though, his voice was soft. "No, it's okay. I'll get a drink for you." And before Elena could protest, he rushed into the kitchen and turned on the faucet. He listened very closely until he heard her converse clicking up the staircase. As soon as she was out of earshot, he turned the sink off, glanced around, and walked into the parlor. Hurriedly, Stefan grabbed Damon's leather jacket from the coat hanger and put it on, reaching into the pocket to find his brother's car keys. When he found them, Stefan exited the mansion and took one last look around the house before stealthily closing the door behind him.

He'd heard it all.

* * *

There were dark, black rings under Katherine's eyes as she exited the bathroom, a cloud of steam following her. As soon as she saw her reflection, she rolled her eyes and tried to wipe the makeup off as best as she could. She always hated staring at herself like this; she looked so… normal. Plain. Her hair was even beginning to dry in lazy waves around her face. Sighing, she opened a drawer to pull out an outfit to sleep in. If she was too lazy to do her hair tonight, she was going to wear something comfortable as well.

Just as she was going through her drawers for one comfortable thing that she owned, Katherine was startled by a knock at the door. "Just a second, Mrs. Flowers!" She yelled, rolling her eyes at the woman's relentless pounding. Still, the woman did not stop. Katherine huffed, pulling her towel around her tightly. Annoyed, she opened the door, only to be met with a face she had not expected to see. "Stefan?"

Without even looking at her, he walked inside, pacing back and forth. "It's a lie," he said quickly, running his hands through his hair. Katherine scoffed a bit at _that _action; Stefan messing up his hair was just about as rare as seeing a polar bear in the desert. "I didn't go missing. They lied to me. They've been lying to me this whole time. They played me for a fool."

_Now, _he had Katherine's attention. She raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

Stefan shook his head, still rapidly pacing, eyes on the floor. "It all makes sense. I'm such an idiot. Waking up in a coffin and still assuming that—"

"What is going on?" Her voice was rough, harsh, enough to make Stefan stop and look up at her. She bit her lip when she saw the tears in his eyes, quickly reminding herself that now was not the time to care. His gaze was clear but unfocused, the gears in his head surely spinning behind his glistening eyes.

"I died," he answered flatly. "I died, and Damon and Elena…" He trailed off. Instead of finishing his sentence, Stefan looked at Katherine, as if he were expecting her to finish for him. His chest was moving with every great inhale and exhale, and without even thinking, Katherine approached him.

While keeping one hand on her towel, she raised the other one to his face. "Damon and Elena have been keeping everything from you," she finally finished.

Stefan nodded, his teeth digging into his bottom lip. He closed his eyes, his voice trembling. "And, Elena, she…"

Katherine nodded along with him. Slowly, sensually, she ran her slender fingers along his shaking lips. "Elena killed you, Stefan." He opened his eyes at her words, and Katherine tried to contain the way her body seemed to rush with adrenaline. She kind of liked this… she liked the fact that Stefan was running to _her _and not Elena. She was very good at keeping her grin at bay, though. In fact, she gave him the most empathetic look she'd ever been able to pull off. "Not directly… but Elena broke you. She had you in her palm and she _squeezed _and squeezed until you were dust. Stefan, you died for her, and she let you do it. She didn't blink."

Now he began to shake his head, his chest wracking with sobs as this sense of confusion flooded through his head. "She wouldn't…"

Katherine kept going, taking advantage of his vulnerability at the moment. "You made her _human _just to please her. And I don't think she even thanked you once. I doubt she even missed you."

Stefan paused, the entire world beginning to freeze over. Did Katherine mean those words. Did she even understand what she had just said? He blinked a few times over and over, trying to comprehend those words.

_You made her human._

_Made her human._

_Elena. Made human._

Elena had been a vampire.

And then suddenly –he didn't even know why—but it made sense. Elena was the girl on the roof. Elena was the girl on the roof who he loved to the ends of the earth. _He died to make her human. _It all clicked together: her talks of how love never lasted, the way she said there was no such thing as happy ever after. She didn't love him. Not really. Maybe she never did. Not like he loved her, and he died for her… he'd died for nothing. And here she had been, listening to him trying to find someone who was literally _right in front of him. _He was suffering, breaking down, and Elena hadn't said a single word. His heart twisted.

Maybe he should have just stayed dead. It sure would have hurt a lot less.

"It hurts, I know." Not even fully comprehending the extent of his current thoughts, Katherine now placed her hand over his heart, feeling it pound. "But you need to know that I would never do that to you. I wouldn't lie to you or betray you."

He tried to contain himself. He was not going to keep crying. Not in front of Katherine, not right now. He wasn't going to let himself cry over Elena. He wasn't going to let himself cry over someone who didn't deserve it. "What's it like to be a vampire, Katherine?"

Taken aback by his question, Katherine eyed him curiously and stepped away, but not before slowly wiping the tears from his cheeks before he could. "You don't have to care if you don't want to. It's like a switch." This caught his attention, and so she kept going. "You don't have to care about _anything._"

He clenched his jaw, thoughts going right back to Elena. "It's that easy?"

Katherine grinned. "It's that easy." She then strolled back to the vintage drawer, pulling out a tight t-shirt and boyshorts. Without giving any notice, she turned away from Stefan and dropped the towel. He was momentarily distracted by the magnificent curves of her back, but, amazingly enough, forced himself to glance away. How incredible it would be to get lost in Katherine, to forget about Elena, to stop caring… As she dressed herself, Katherine kept speaking, her voice soft and low. When she began, he naturally turned his head. The blood rushed to his face when he met her eyes. "Elena, the way she's betrayed you… It can all go away. I mean, it has to bother you, Stefan." Now fully clothed, Katherine approached him again. "What else is she keeping from you?"

Throat tightening, Stefan kept his eyes locked on hers. There was a long silence in the room, filled with nothing but unblinking looks and hot, suffocating tension. Finally, he spoke. "Damon won't do it."

She smirked. "Do what?"

"Turn me," Stefan replied instantly. "He won't turn me."

Looking amused, Katherine sauntered past Stefan and made her way into the mini kitchen, where she reached for a knife. She ran her finger along the dull end of the blade before lifting her sultry eyes to meet his. "Do you know how you become a vampire, Stefan?"

He shook his head.

Knife in hand, Katherine came a little closer, still treating it like a prized possession. It was almost threatening, but Stefan didn't mind; maybe it was adrenaline. She spoke again, her concentration still on the blade. "You have to drink vampire blood." She paused, before her eyes met his. "And then you have to die." Still, slowly, Katherine was getting closer and closer to Stefan, waiting for his reply. He did not respond. "Do you want to be a vampire, Stefan?"

"I don't want to care," he answered surely. Now, Katherine was inches away, her hands on his chest. She pushed with slight pressure, and he followed her until his back came in contact with a wall. His heart rate spiked.

"Well…" She outstretched her wrist. "I'll let you make that decision. Until then, there's no harm in getting halfway there, right?" She raised an eyebrow, grinning at Stefan, who was currently frozen.

Leisurely, Katherine raised the knife and drew the blade over her wrist until the deep red liquid began to well. She offered it. Stunned but suddenly fearless, Stefan held her arm with both hands and clasped his lips around the wound. Then, hesitantly at first, he began to drink. Katherine gasped at the action, pulling herself a little closer to tell him it was alright. She exhaled, running her free hand through his messy hair. She was immensely enjoying the sensation of having her blood drawn out by him; she wanted him to continue until she was bled dry. She hadn't felt this closeness with _anyone _since 1864. But suddenly, an idea came to her, and without Stefan even noticing, she wrenched one of his hands off of her arm, extended her fangs, and bit into his wrist deeply. Then, he let go of her arm completely to wrap it around her waist. When Stefan groaned in response, Katherine closed her eyes. _Mission accomplished._

He was not prepared for the sensation that was flowing through his veins. Something about the fact that her blood was flowing through him, and _his blood _was flowing through _her _was enough to make his heart nearly jump out of his chest. He didn't know if what he was feeling was real, –he hardly even remembered who he was sharing blood with, and quite frankly, he didn't _care_—all that mattered was that this incredible, sensual experience was completely overtaking his mind and body, and he didn't want it to end. When she yanked her wrist away from his lips, he did the same with her and placed his head against the wall, remembering that he did in fact need to breathe. He closed his eyes for a long moment, and when he opened them, he was gazing deeply into Katherine's brown eyes.

_Right, Katherine_, he remembered, a twinge of disappointment tugging at his chest. Had he imagined that it was someone else? That would be absurd!

The feeling quickly faded when Katherine pressed her lips against his own, and he was once again overwhelmed by that incredible rush when he tasted his blood on her lips. How strange, he briefly thought… but he didn't really care. She pushed Damon's leather jacket off of his shoulders, and he let her. This felt wrong, -he knew it was wrong- but right now, his body was acting over his heart and mind. Stefan wrapped his arms around Katherine and pulled her closer than ever, getting lost in the feeling of unity she had falsely imprinted within him.

He didn't even hear the rapid knock on the door, and only pulled away from Katherine when she huffed in annoyance after about thirty seconds of endless pounding. As soon as she did so, he furrowed his brows, surprised by his actions. When she opened the door, he wiped the blood from his lips, and jumped when he heard a familiar voice.

"Where is he?"

Almost by instinct, Stefan said her name. "Elena." It was then that he realized what exactly he'd experienced with Katherine, and his face crinkled in disgust. Had he actually forgotten about Elena in those two seconds? He felt dirty suddenly and wanted to wash her handprints off of his skin, wash her blood out of his veins. But then he remembered Elena, and what exactly she'd put him through, and his face went stone cold again.

Upon hearing his voice, Elena pushed past Katherine, rushing to Stefan. "Oh my god, Stefan!" She placed her hands on his chest and looked intently into his dilated eyes. "You weren't downstairs and Damon and I called Caroline and when you weren't there we- What are you doing here? Why is there blood on your shirt?"

Katherine, now leaning against the farthest wall, crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't worry. It's probably just my blood. No wait, it could be his." Bored by Elena's presence, she checked her nails.

Swiftly, Elena turned to Katherine with a fierce, burning glare. "You shared blood with him?" Her voice was replete with fury, and almost immediately she turned back to Stefan, checking his pulse and vitals frantically. "Please don't tell me she turned you." He didn't reply. "God damn it, Stefan! Answer me!" Acting out of irrational fear and jealously, she slapped him hard across the face. He fell back a bit, bringing his palm up to his jaw. Whipping around, she was shaking when she directed her words back at Katherine. "Did you kill him?"

"Geez, calm down," she answered nonchalantly. "I wouldn't kill him. Now that he _can _turn, it's his choice. He knows what to do."

Elena wanted to explode with profanities and violence, but she was unable to do either. There was a long pause before Stefan finally interjected, "Thank you, Katherine." With that, he reached onto the floor for Damon's jacket and quickly strode out of the room. Elena wanted to have the last word with Katherine, but after a few moments, she followed Stefan out, not even looking back at her heartless doppelganger.

Elena ran out of the bed and breakfast doors, nearly missing Stefan. He was furiously reaching into his pockets for keys when she yelled, "What is wrong with you?" Instead of replying, Stefan turned, his eyes cold. "You went to _Katherine_! You shared blood with her! Do you even know how much that can mess with your head? How could you do that?"

Jaw set, he glared at her. "You mean how could I do that to _you_."

Elena crossed her arms over her chest, before changing her mind and throwing them into the air. "Yes, Stefan. How _could _you do that? We were finally in a good place! Why would you just want to throw that away?"

He was now beginning to lose his calm. "Are you kidding me?"

"What? So there's logic behind it? Please _do _explain!"

Stefan gave Elena the coldest look she'd ever seen, and it frightened her. It wasn't an expression that made her feel threatened, but the lack of _love _in his eyes was enough to give her pause. "These last few weeks," he began, his breath visible in the cold night air. "How much of it has been a lie?"

Her face twisted in puzzlement. "What are you talking about?"

"When were you going to tell me that I died?" he questioned flatly, and Elena's heart twisted.

"Damon and I wanted to protect you," she offered, her voice suddenly a lot quieter than it had been a moment ago.

Stefan didn't even acknowledge her words, instead twisting the car key in his hand and slamming it into the keyhole of Damon's mustang. After missing a few times, he threw the key on the ground and breathed heavily for a few moments. "When were you going to tell me that you were the girl from my dream?"

Elena froze. "Stefan…"

He lifted his hand to stop her. "When were you going to tell me that I _died _just to please you? Huh, Elena? Care to tell me about how you broke my heart and stomped on it? Would you mind telling me again about how you've been _looking me in the eye _and lying to me for all of this time? You saw me breaking over this 'mystery girl.' I was falling apart over it, and you just watched. I thought what we were going through these past few weeks... I thought it was real."

"It was- it is!" She could feel cold tears beginning to pour down her face. "Stefan, please."

He shook his head. "Did I get anything wrong? I mean, it was pretty easy to figure out as soon as Katherine said you were a _vampire._" In an instant, his face got a little softer, filling with desperation. "Please tell me it's not true. That all of this is just a misunderstanding and you haven't been lying to me this whole time."

Elena swallowed thickly and looked at the pavement. "Please," she begged, confirming his worries and failing to hide the fact that she was crying. "I just… I didn't want to hurt you again."

Stefan shook his head. "Well, Elena, you did." He finally got the key into the whole, biting his lip. "And I know I didn't want to know everything about my past, but…" He didn't even know where he was going with this. His sobs were wracking his entire body and he couldn't think anymore. "You killed me twice."

Elena watched as he slammed the car door shut and drove away. Suddenly feeling numb, she slowly made her way into her dark car, gripped the steering wheel, and just stared.

For the first time, she realized that she had actually lost Stefan Salvatore.

And she had no one to blame but herself.

_**AN: AAAH! What an intense chapter! So much was revealed here. Stefan's got vampire blood in his system, and he knows about Elena. How on earth will they get over this one? Once again, I apologize for the two-week interim between updates (I promise I'm trying not to make a habit out of it). To make it up to you all, I hope you enjoyed this long update! Please leave a review with your feedback. You all know how much every comment means the world to me. Really, without them I would not be writing fanfiction, so thank you so much for every single comment. Let me know what you loved, what you hated, and what you want to see!**_

_**What will happen between Stefan and Elena? And what will Stefan do now that he has the choice to turn or not? Will he do it? This love triangle between Stefan, Elena, and Katherine is really beginning to heat up, and it's clear that Stefan and Elena are meant to be, but has Katherine finally completely gotten between them this time? Please comment with your thoughts!**_

_**Thanks! Xoxo :)**_

_**Sara**_


	13. Chapter 13

***Paul Wesley's voice* Previously on Barely a Memory…**

_"What's it like to be a vampire, Katherine?"_

_"You don't have to care if you don't want to. It's like a switch." This caught Stefan's attention, and so she kept going. "You don't have to care about __anything.__"_

…

_Leisurely, Katherine raised the knife and drew the blade over her wrist until the deep red liquid began to well. She offered it. Stunned but suddenly fearless, Stefan held her arm with both hands and clasped his lips around the wound. Then, hesitantly at first, he began to drink._

…

_"When were you going to tell me that I died?" Stefan questioned flatly, and Elena's heart twisted._

_"Damon and I wanted to protect you," she offered, her voice suddenly a lot quieter than it had been a moment ago._

_"When were you going to tell me that you were the girl from my dream?"_

_Elena froze. "Stefan…"_

…

_Elena watched as he slammed the car door shut and drove away. _

_For the first time, she realized that she had actually lost Stefan Salvatore._

* * *

Stefan was biting his lip so hard that he was half expecting it to start bleeding any second. If he held the ancient steering wheel any harder, it would surely break. The blood was boiling in his veins, his face hot with fury and betrayal.

He had pulled over in Caroline's driveway moments ago; there was no way he was heading to the boardinghouse. It had been a miracle he hadn't killed himself while driving, for he had been unable to concentrate on anything but his newfound headache and Katherine's lingering words.

_You don't have to care about anything._

And, god, did he want that more than anything. He didn't want to care about his past, he didn't want to care about Elena and Damon. He simply wanted all of his pain, all of his fury and agony to vanish. And then he'd leave town. He'd leave Mystic Falls and never look back. Surely Elena wouldn't care.

He shook his head hopelessly and practically kicked the car door open. The air was thankfully cool, a drastic contrast against his heated face. He spun around for a long moment, his hands going to the back of his neck as he tried to collect himself. Is this what Elena was talking about? Is this what the crash after the fall felt like?

_No, _he stopped himself. This was _her _fault. He shouldn't have fallen; if he hadn't, he never would have hit the bottom in the first place. _It's all Elena's fault, _he tried to tell himself. _It's her beautiful face, and her smile, and the way the room heats up when she walks in. _He punched the side of the car before going around to the back of the trunk, pulling out a stolen bottle of Damon's bourbon. He took a long swig, and then one more, followed by another. When it was half empty, he threw the bottle and watched it shatter into pieces. He stared down at the shards and for a long moment thought about how easy it was to shatter something, to shatter something so much that it was beyond repair, to shatter something so terribly that it leaves nothing behind but ugly, sharp ends.

"I love you," he whispered. "God, why do I love you?" The words _infuriated _him; they shook him to the core and rattled his bones and he wanted nothing more than to explode, to explode and collapse upon himself and burn up into nothingness. So, he tilted his head up at the sky and yelled until his throat was dry and he couldn't breathe and his eyes had no tears left. He breathed in and out, in and out, until he said brokenly, "Why did you let me fall in love with you?"

Just then, the side door opened and Caroline stepped out, barefoot. "Hello?" she asked hesitantly, quickly identifying the hunched silhouette. "Stefan?" He didn't move, didn't speak. "Stefan, are you okay?"

Slowly and hesitantly, she tied her robe a little tighter around herself and stepped out into the cool night, her face filled with concern. "Hello, earth to Salvatore." Her attempt at humor did not even get a halfhearted chuckle out of him, so she continued to step closer, until she felt a sharp jolt of pain at her foot. Confused, she looked down, discovering the shattered bottle. She winced when she pulled out the shard; it healed quickly.

"Sorry," he finally said, his voice hoarse and replete with exhaustion.

She knitted her lips together. "Are you drunk?" He shrugged. Puzzled, Caroline finally turned so that the garage lights were on his face. "Oh my god," she immediately gasped out, feeling her stomach twist. "Why are you crying?"

His face instantly hardened, and he hurriedly tried to wipe them away. "It's not like I'm sad…," he lied. "I'm just angry. I'm _so angry._"

"Why?"

"Maybe I should have stayed dead," he muttered, staring at something beyond Caroline that only he could see. She shook her head, opening her mouth to protest, but he kept going. "I think I love her. I don't think I ever stopped loving her." There was a long pause as Caroline realized what exactly he was talking about. Finally, he looked the vampire in the eyes, stricken with grief. "But… why did she stop loving me?" His breathing was beginning to get rapid. "Why did she do this to—_When _did she stop—" He couldn't breathe anymore. He was confused, and furious, and hurt… And _damn it, _he was going to start crying again. _Do not cry, Stefan, _he told himself. _You're better than that._

"Hey, hey," she whispered, quickly pulling a very human –and very vulnerable—Stefan into her arms. This was a side of him she'd never seen before; as a vampire, Stefan had always been so guarded, so stoical, and until now, Caroline had realized that this was a side of Stefan she never wanted to see. He was so lost and broken. Who wouldn't be? To be honest, she was amazed he'd gone this long without falling apart. "It's okay," she promised, her hand resting on his back as he shook. "She does love you, Stefan. Elena loves you enough to—"

"Enough to what?" He stepped out of her embrace, his eyes growing harder, full of a bit less agony and more fury. "You're right, you're right. Enough to let me die, right? Enough to lie to me this whole time. Enough to move on and _date my brother. _My own_ brother._"

Caroline nodded. "Stefan, she wasn't herself when she let you die. You have to understand that. Her relationship with Damon, it wasn't real." She paused for a moment, her expression twisting with disgust. "And don't ask me why she stayed with him. I still don't get that."

He sighed, shaking his head. "It's just—she's been lying to me this whole time. I started to remember her—us. I didn't know it was _her _though, and I've been looking for the girl from the memory. Elena never told me it was actually her. She just went on, watching me wait and suffer."

"I think you need to talk to Elena, Stefan."

He bit his lip, quickly changing the subject. There was one more thing on his mind. "I have vampire blood in my system," he said bluntly.

Her blue eyes became unnaturally wide. "What?!"

Stefan nodded. "I think I want to turn." He intently watched Caroline's face, though it was not showing much, and he knew her well enough to know that it was not a good sign. "It will make me strong enough to stand up against whatever's coming." _To protect Elena, _he'd almost said, but he caught himself, shaking his head.

Caroline was able to see right through him, and she shook her head. "You know about the switch, don't you?"

When he did not reply, she closed her eyes, letting out a long exhale.

"Look. Life sucks, okay? Life sucks for _all of us. _Not everyone can just turn off everything they care about. Life sucks for me ninety-nine percent of the time, Stefan, and I still haven't even gotten close to flipping that switch. Yes, it's tempting, but it has consequences. Why on earth would you even want to do that to yourself? It changes who you are!" she chided.

"I don't know who I am!" Stefan argued. "And I'm tired of trying to figure it out."

Caroline looked at him roughly, eyes harsh and jaw set. "That's not a good excuse."

"There's nothing worth caring about anymore," he reasoned, feeling the urge to get into his car for the second time today and drive without a destination.

She shook her head. "Elena," she began, trying to keep calm, "is worth caring about. You wouldn't rush over to my house crying if you didn't care enough to make things right." Once again, he had nothing to say. There was a long, awkward pause, where they just stared at each other, Caroline fuming. "The Stefan that I knew would have never walked away from her. He didn't solve his problems by shutting off everything he feels. He was a _fighter._"

Stefan sighed, staring at the ground. "I guess he's long gone," he concluded sadly.

Caroline's gaze visibly softened. "No," she said. "He's just lost." This got his attention, and his gaze filled with confusion. Caroline smiled softly. "He needs to remember that some things are worth fighting for."

With an aching and tired heart, Stefan slowly agreed. "Let's fight for him."

She smiled softly and pulled him into another hug. "Tomorrow," she promised. "Let's get you home safely so you can sleep off the blood. And no, there's no way you're driving. You smell like a liquor store."

He laughed and thanked her.

* * *

Elena anxiously chewed her fingernails, staring at the door, unblinking. "Where is he?" she said to herself.

Damon shrugged and strode over to his liquor table. "I'm sure he's fine. I know my brother. He's many things, but impulsive is not one of them. He likes to brood and think things through… Where is my bourbon?" Elena rolled her eyes and shrugged. "Anyways, I'm just saying. New and improved Stefan or not, he's not going to kill himself."

She hoped he was right. "I don't think I'd be able to forgive myself if he turned again…"

"And he won't!" Damon let out an exasperated sigh. "_I know Stefan_."

Elena buried her face in her hands. "That's the problem. He doesn't know _himself. _He went to Katherine so she would turn him. It's a miracle that she didn't snap his neck right then and there."

He poured himself a glass of scotch and sat beside her, so close that she could feel his breath on the side of her cheek. She hated the way that it still made her chill. "He's fine. Trust me, Elena."

She scooted away, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I'm trusting you on this one. Don't let me down." She sent him a half-smile, and he smirked in return. Elena let her smile linger a bit longer as she looked at the fireplace. Gentle, friendly, tension-less conversation with Damon. This was nice. She had missed this.

As much as she enjoyed this possible, new friendship with Damon, it did not hold her concentration. She wanted to see Stefan. She _needed _to see Stefan. If he would just let her explain…

Her heart was breaking because he had _no idea _it was breaking. He needed to know that she loved him. She needed him to know before he killed himself, before he turned everything off… Although it would not change anything, although their relationship was beyond repair, Stefan needed to know. And then he could make his choice, whatever it would be.

The simple thought brought tears to her eyes, but she quickly hid them. When she looked back at Damon, he was tense and frozen. "What?" she asked urgently.

"Do you hear that?"

...

"Here we are," Caroline smiled, bringing her old car to a stop. "The Salvatore estate."

"Thanks, Care," he mumbled, already half asleep. She turned her head to look over at him, chuckling a bit. "You're… a… g'd friend."

She laughed and dramatically pushed her hair behind her. "I know!" she teased. "Now let's get you inside. Can you walk?" He nodded and pushed the door open, stumbling a bit on his first steps. Within a half second, Caroline was by his side, holding him up. "C'mon," she laughed.

He steadied himself when they got closer to the door. When they were about one hundred feet from the door, a strange noise startled Caroline, and she instantly tensed. "Stefan?"

"Hmmm?"

She urgently looked around. "Do you hear… footsteps?"

He seemed to sober up a bit in a few seconds, looking around. She could hear his heart rate spike a bit. He definitely felt it too; they were being watched. "I hear someone… humming?" he murmured, turning his head to look around.

"What the hell?" Caroline, now on alert, grabbed Stefan's arm a little too tightly, not that he minded. "Let's just get inside." Slowly, cautiously as to not make a sound, they made their way a little closer to the door when a strong force pushed both of them off of their feet.

Right away, she was on high alert. Caroline fought the hands that were clutching her neck, flipping her attacker around. She tried to see his face, but in the intensity of the moment, all she could make out were fangs and bloody, bloody hands. She clawed at his eyes, but he was faster, digging his sharp teeth into her neck. She screamed and kicked him off with supernatural speed, but he was back on her in a second, trying to throw punches.

Stefan, on the other hand, was still trying to get on his feet. When he made sense of what was happening and witnessed the fight happening in front of him, he panicked. "Caroline!" he shouted, looking around for anything, a stick, a branch, to attack the vampire with. Halfway across the front yard, his gaze fell on a willowing oak tree, with branches low enough for his reach. Now acting on pure adrenaline, despite his clumsy limbs, he ran, analyzing what to grab and how to use it. He made it to the tree quickly and snapped a long, pointy branch from the bottom and ran towards Caroline's attacker at full force.

But just as he was getting to the final stretch of his run, he was right back where he started. The bloody vampire, who had previously been on Caroline, slammed him against the tree, hard. Stefan had to blink a few times to get the spots out of his vision. "It's you," the vampire smirked, eyeing Stefan with pride. Confused, Stefan got a good look at the attacker and, in an act of pure instinct, managed to jab the branch into his stomach. For an instant, the vampire released him and stepped back to pull it out. Stefan tried to run again, but the vampire was too fast, and this time, he was angry.

When Stefan was slammed against the tree now, head first, the action was so fast and forceful that he didn't even see it coming. And for that split second, when Stefan heard the loud crack and felt the sharp pain, he distantly imagined what his skull would look like if it was shattering into millions of little pieces. Kind of like the bottle. If he had more time, he probably would have laughed.

That was the moment Damon opened the door. Within half a second, he had analyzed the scene -Caroline on the right, Stefan and the threat on the left- and was already rushing over to the vampire. Before Elena could even start screaming, he had staked the monster.

And just on cue, Elena screamed.

It was a blood curdling noise that shook Damon to his bones. When he turned to look back, she was running towards Stefan, faster than any human he'd ever seen. There were tears in her eyes, her face twisting in agony when she fell beside his limp form on the ground. "No, no, no, no!" She started screaming over and over again, pulling Stefan into her lap. Damon couldn't make sense of the sight in front of him. There was blood. And Stefan. Or a big, broken doll that kind of looked like Stefan, but not really. And there was Elena. Crying, screaming, hysterical Elena. "No, you're okay. Wake up, Stefan. Wake up, please wake up."

She ran her fingers gently across his forehead, wiping a stray line of blood away. The sound of her cries would haunt Damon forever.

Broken dolls didn't bleed.

Shocked and suddenly taken by fear, he slowly kneeled down beside Elena and grabbed his brother's wrist, praying that he could find a pulse.

And Damon Salvatore was _not _one for praying.

* * *

_**A/N: OH MY GOSH. I AM A TERRIBLE PERSON. That update took way too long. I'm so sorry, you guys. That is not excusable. It's been a month. I was on vacation and got completely off track, but I promise, as long as y'all are still out there and reading, I will be back to my normal weekly schedule. **_

_**Anyways, what did you think of the chapter? What on earth will happen with Stefan? Is he dead or alive? And is Caroline okay? I know there was a lack of Stelena this chapter, but I promise that the next one will have lots of SE in it. Those two really need to figure things out. Will Stefan forgive her? Will they be able to move past this right away? And what will everyone do about the vampires? Review to let me know what you think!  
**_

_**Please leave a comment, no matter what it is, letting me know if you want to see more. Tell me what you loved, what you hated, what you want to see. Everything inspires me so much and I love reading every single one. They really do brighten my day so much, and every single opinion helps me write a better story for all of you. Without your thougts/opinions, it definitely wouldn't be what it is right now, so thank you so much!**_

_**Thanks! Xoxo**_

_**Sara**_


	14. Chapter 14

Stefan's eyes popped open, and he gasped out loudly. Why was he standing up? Baffled, he looked around, quickly identifying the location as his room. When had he gotten here? Who brought him here? Had he walked here himself?

Quickly, he reached for the back of his head, feeling a gentle throb. When had _that _happened? Nothing was making sense. Every thought seemed so heavy, so separated, so—

"Hello, Stefan." He jumped, and quickly turned around, searching for the source of the voice. When he did, his eyes came in swift contact with Elena's, and he sighed in relief, instinctually stepping a little closer.

"Elena," he sighed out, swallowing thickly. Now, his heart felt heavy. Wasn't he supposed to be mad at her? He couldn't remember. "What happened to me?"

She smiled brightly at him, and his eyebrows knitted together. "You're dead, Stefan," she said simply, matter-of-factly. "You're dead. Just like you wanted." Gently, with a look that almost resembled pride, she placed a soft hand on his shoulder. "Congratulations," she smiled.

He froze. "Dead? What do you mean?" He didn't understand. He felt alive enough. "What are you talking—"

"It's okay, Stefan," she said. "You just have to drink human blood, and you'll live forever. You can turn it off. That's what you wanted, right? You don't have to care about me." Once again, she grinned.

Nothing was making sense, and he could hardly think, but what she was saying _felt _kind of right, because it was Elena and he loved her and she was always kind of right… and she was human, so he slowly reached for her wrist. "How do I… get to it? The blood?" he asked nervously, hesitantly staring into her shimmering brown eyes.

"Oh!" She started laughing then, as if she had just remembered a joke that he was not in on. "It's not _my _blood you're supposed to drink." Then where was he going to get human blood from? Eyes full of puzzlement, he shrugged at her, and Elena, still laughing, pulled him closer and kissed his lips. Hers were cold and sort of sweet, and when he pulled away and opened his eyes, they were in an office, lit by candles and gasoline lamps. "It's _his._" Face blank, he looked to the ground, his gaze immediately falling on the man who was struggling on the ground. There was a piece of wood coming out of his stomach. Instantly, Stefan's entire body filled with remorse, regret, _guilt. _

_So much guilt._

But then, he was too distracted by the scent that seemed to emanate from this man's wound, and his eyes were unable to leave the red, potent liquid that was beginning to pool on the floor. He needed it; this incredible potion was oxygen, and he'd been holding his breath his entire life. It held a power over him, a deep, dark lure that he did not want to fight. He should have wanted to fight this desire; he knew that… but he didn't. He didn't want to fight it at all. He just wanted _it. _

So, entranced, Stefan grabbed the piece of wood, running his fingers along it, admiring the way the blood seemed to stain his fingers and shine _just like that _when the light hit it a certain way. It was art. Morbid art. Not morbid to him. Maybe it should have been. It wasn't at all.

So, he closed his eyes and brought it to his lips, immediately feeling his senses explode. It was… _ambrosia._

And so, he went back for more, despite the man's disgusted groans. Stefan cried out when he felt a sharp pain at his gums, but it did not stop him for more than a moment, and before he could even comprehend what was going on, he dug his fangs into the man's neck. Soon, he was dead, and with a content sigh, Stefan looked down and analyzed his victim.

He knew that man. That man, the man he'd brutally killed… was his father.

And just like that, the dried blood on the floor and the walls was no longer so beautiful. Stefan's stomach twisted as he released an agonized cry, pushing himself away. He hit the door, pulling his knees to his chest.

His father. He'd murdered his father.

Quickly, disgusted, he ran his hand along his mouth and cried. He began to rock back and forth, his eyes flooding with tears. He'd never felt this terrible in his _life; _the guilt and grief wracked through his entire body, making him physically feel heavier and darker. He hated it. He hated himself. He wanted to die.

And then, he heard a noise and looked up. Elena stood at his feet, still smiling. "This is the part where you turn it off," she explained.

And so he did.

And in a brief moment, he was somewhere else; he was everywhere, witnessing _everything_. There was a dead girl at his feet. Then, he was somewhere else, killing another victim. There was blood on his face, and he didn't care; he kind of liked it. Then, he was writing a name on a wall, then, a second, and a third… and a hundredth. The kills kept piling up. He'd black out some nights and wake up in a pile of blood… and he didn't care. He didn't care one bit. Nothing could stop him.

The killings, the victims… they began to blur together. Girl after girl after girl after girl… the memories were flooding into his mind, until time seemed to suddenly come to a stop as he pulled his fangs away from another girl, his most previous victim.

She fell to the floor of the school gym with a loud _thud _and with a smirk, he looked down.

Elena Gilbert.

He'd bitten Elena Gilbert. There was a man there, too –_Klaus-_, but he didn't really acknowledge him. Because he'd just attacked _her… _and then he started to laugh.

Stefan was _laughing_. Because he just didn't care.

He liked not caring about her.

* * *

Emitting a loud gasp, Stefan sat up in his bed, his eyes opening wide, his mind reeling from the dream –no, the _memories-_, the ruthless kills and- Oh, god… he was going to be sick. Quickly, he rushed out of the bed, immediately feeling his head spin. He felt like he was going to pass out before he even got two feet. As soon as he felt the tiles of his bathroom floor at his feet, he fell and began to cough into the shower.

When he looked down, he saw red, and instantly panicked. Blood. He was coughing up blood, and he had the dreaded feeling that it was not his.

What had he done now? Panicking and unable to pick himself up, Stefan weakly scooted away from the shower and rested against the floor. The tiles were cool against his hot cheek, and he instantly began to weep.

He'd been so caught up in his own thoughts and sickness that he had not even realized that someone else had been in his room and was now kneeling beside him in the bathroom. "Damon! Caroline!" she practically shrieked, and he winced. Then, he felt gentle fingers running through the hair above his forehead, and the voice became gentler. "Stefan, shhhh," she tried, and he instantly recognized Elena's voice. He was too tired to turn around and look at her, but he wanted to calm himself down for her. He couldn't though. His heart wrenched with guilt and his head was throbbing, and he never wanted to get up again. He _couldn't _look at Elena right now.

But within a second, there were strong hands forcing him up so he was sitting against the wall. A sharp jolt of pain hit him in the back of his head again, and he brought his hand up to see what was wrong, but the same hands that pushed him up grabbed them and threw them at his sides. "Do not touch it!" the man hissed, and Stefan's vision cleared. Damon, of course.

"How are you feeling?" A third voice asked hesitantly, and Stefan looked over to see Caroline, worried and pensive.

How was he supposed to answer that?

_Terrible, _he almost said. _I feel terrible, and I want to die. Please just let me die._

Instead, he said nothing.

Now, Elena was the one to speak, although it came out as a whisper directed to Damon. "Why is he crying?" Her voice was laced with concern, and she was crying too, and he couldn't help but wonder why she cared about him. He'd bitten her, he'd hurt her…

Damon shrugged, and everyone seemed to be staring at Stefan like he was a science experiment. "I don't know," he answered honestly. "He's in transition… It's understandable."

_Transition?_

Stefan's stomach fell again. Transition… into what? That _monster _from his memories, the monster he'd been before he had woken up in his own tomb? He hated that man, feared him; _that_ Stefan was a demon, a creature that should have been destroyed before it was created. He never wanted to become that again, and the mere possibility was enough to— he was going to be sick again.

He shook his head and pushed past the three of them, crawling to the shower again where he heaved up even more blood. It was so _red… _had he already killed someone? The sight only made him feel sicker, and he coughed and coughed until there was nothing left.

"I told you giving him the extra blood was going to do nothing," Caroline said simply, quietly.

Rushed, Elena reached for a towel and pulled Stefan back, running the cloth along his chin, wiping the blood off of his mouth. He cringed once again. Why was she _helping him? _This would have been so much easier if she hated him; it would have been easier to hate himself. "Why isn't he talking?" she asked.

Stefan shook his head and pushed himself away from her embrace, scrambling to his feet. Instantly, the room began to spin, and he reached for the wall. Damn, his head was killing him! "I'm fine," he finally said, needing to escape the room, needing to escape Elena's suffocating air.

He sat on the bed, his hands covering his face. Couldn't they just _leave_? He needed to process all of this, to process the fact that he –the _real _Stefan Salvatore—was nothing but a heartless creature that needed to be wiped off of the planet. Damon was the one to follow him out though, and when Stefan felt his brother's hands pushing his own away from his face, he weakly obliged. "Stefan," Damon said simply, as if speaking to a child. "How do you feel?"

He swallowed, hoping that the sooner he explained the pain, the sooner everyone would leave. "My head hurts," he answered simply, flatly. "My head hurts and I can hardly think. What happened?"

Damon furrowed his brows, but said nothing. "What about the hunger? Are you hungry, Stef?"

Stefan shrugged. "No more than usual."

Damon, clearly confused, turned his head to the bathroom, where Elena and Caroline were eagerly lingering. "Give me the blood bag that you brought up for him," he demanded.

Elena and Caroline exchanged worried glances, and Elena was the one to speak. "But he hasn't chosen to—"

Damon sent her a deadly glare. "Give me the blood bag," he said again, rougher, his patience wearing thin.

Caroline, who had been silent for a few minutes, looked at Damon, more confused than ever. "Guys," she started, trying to puzzle everything together, "If Stefan was in transition, wouldn't his head be completely healed?"

Elena paused, afraid to get her hopes up. "Maybe it's because—"

"Give. Me. The. Blood. Bag."

Nodding, Caroline reached down on the floor and tossed it to him. Concentrated, Damon waved the bag in front of Stefan as if he were a dog and it were a bone. "Does this look good at all?"

Stefan shook his head, and Damon glanced back at the girls with a shrug of his shoulders. "Alright, Stefan, we're going to try something." Biting his lip, Damon ripped the sealing off of the bag, his eyes never leaving his brother's. Stefan quickly looked down at a rogue drop that began to fall from the side, and he quickly remembered the way it had made him feel in the memory, the way it made him drunk on power. Now, the mere thought was enough to make the back of his eyes sting. But he knew what Damon was asking of him, so, despite the hollow, deep feeling in his stomach, Stefan aimed to ease both his curiosity and his brother's. With a shaking hand, he ran the tip of his finger along the drop that had fallen from the bag. Closing his eyes, Stefan brought it to his lips, preparing to feel possessed once again by that addictive, terrifying rush.

But nothing happened.

It tasted _terrible, _a salty, vile syrup that made him tremble in disgust.

Everyone in the room released the breath they had been holding. But Caroline, always one to solve mysteries, acknowledged the elephant in the room. "But he was dead_._ No pulse, cold body, _dead. _He wasn't just _sleeping_!"

Elena was now chewing on her fingernails. "Katherine's blood must have cured him."

"Really?" Damon replied sarcastically, rolling his eyes. "It just doesn't make sense…"

Stefan gritted his teeth. He was beginning to get annoyed with the way that no one was acknowledging his existence. "I'm alive. I'm not becoming a vampire. Let's just be thankful."

Everyone turned to face him, and he sighed. He just wished that everyone would leave him be.

Damon continued to think, finally coming to a conclusion. "We have to leave town. We have to leave town before the other vampires get to him. If they hear about _this…_"

Caroline seemed to be the only one who was catching on to Stefan's aggravation, so she slowly approached Damon and said, "Okay, we can think this through downstairs. Let's give Stefan some rest, okay?"

Damon was a little reluctant, but Caroline practically yanked him away, smiling and mouthing a subtle "You're welcome" to Stefan. He forced himself to smile in return although his entire body felt heavy with pain—not physically.

Elena lingered behind.

He suddenly found it a little harder to breathe.

"Hey," she said after a long silence, wiping the lingering tears off of her cheeks. He closed his eyes and looked at the ground. Great. Just great. He'd hurt her again. He seemed to be very good at that.

"Hi," he said back flatly.

Elena took a tiny step closer, twiddling her thumbs. "I was so worried about you," she tried, her eyes filled with love and _hope_, some sort of hope that they could patch things up, and it made him hate himself all the more. How could she even look at him after all of the cruel things he had once done to her?

"Well," he breathed out, tired. "I'm okay. You shouldn't have worried."

She tilted her head to the side, rolling her top lip against her bottom for a quick moment. "You couldn't have expected me not to." She looked at the floor for a second, trying to gain her courage. "Look, Stefan, I know that I should have told you that you died for me… and I should have told you that I was the girl from—"

"It's fine," he interrupted. "I understand." Damn it, he was a terrible person for even making her feel bad about that! Who could blame her for not telling him that they were once together when he'd… abused her in such a horrific way. It made sense to him. He didn't need for her to explain it. Whether he'd once loved her or not, he had hurt her, and he had _laughed at it. _Laughed at her pain. He felt dirty, lower than any criminal he could ever come across in his pointless existence. There was no way they could ever get past something like this. Of course they had been on bad terms when he died! He had been absolutely horrible to her. Hell, he had been absolutely horrible to so many people that he lost count.

Maybe he died for her as an act of redemption. Maybe she had forgiven him because of that.

He didn't know, but he sure didn't forgive himself.

It made no sense to him, why Caroline and everyone had told him to find "the old Stefan" again, for he never wanted to be further away from the heartless person he used to be.

Elena stopped. "You… understand?"

He just nodded. She came so close to him, a smile playing on her lips. She sat beside him and faced him. "I know this is all so crazy," She reached for his hand, and Stefan wanted to curl up and die, "but you just have to know, Stefan, please. That I love—"

"Elena," he said quickly, closing his eyes and removing his hand from her hold. He couldn't do this right now. He wouldn't let himself enjoy the privilege of hearing her say three words he did not deserve. "Don't. Please."

And, just like that, the mood in the room completely changed. A look of rejection spread across Elena's face, and she nodded, as if she understood why he was doing this. "Okay," she said under her breath as she got up. He hated the way he knew he was hurting her once again. All he seemed to do was hurt her. He kept his gaze on the window as she walked out and waited for the door to slam.

Elena felt numb. Why had she hoped so badly that all would be forgotten? Of course he couldn't just forgive her so easily! She'd lied to him this whole time, she had only confused him more. She should have been honest from the start, and now he hated her. They could never go back. She tried to keep herself from crying as she walked down the hallway. "I love you," she said, wishing he would have let her finish anyways.

* * *

_**AN: Yay, I actually updated within a week, haha. I made sure that I would have something up this week to make up for that month-long hiatus. So, Stefan is still human luckily, but why? He died with vampire blood in his system. Hmmm. And now Stefan and Elena are on completely different pages. Will he ever be able to get over this new guilt, and how will they be able to overcome this as a couple? We all know how Stefan is when he lets guilt get the best of him... will he ever be able to open up to Elena again?  
**_

_**Please leave a review letting me know what you thought of the chapter. You all know by now how much they make my day and inspire me to keep going. As long as you want to keep reading, I will right. Please let me know what you loved, what you hated, and what you want to see so I can make the best updates possible! Thank you so much!**_

_**Xoxo**_

_**Sara**_


	15. Chapter 15

"Don't pack much. We can get whatever we need on the road. If anyone manages to get in, we want to make sure that there's no sign we left." For the first time, Elena had seen Damon Salvatore completely frazzled, a side of him she never even knew that he possessed—and it was not very becoming. It looked as if he hadn't washed his hair in days; maybe he hadn't. He sure hadn't taken the time to style it at least. Damon looked oddly human as he struggled with dusty duffel bags and ancient pairs of pants that had clearly gone out of style.

"Then don't pack those shorts." Caroline scrunched her nose in disgust. "It looks like you're going to play tennis in the senior's club."

Elena chuckled a bit at her friend's comment and nodded in agreement. "I wish you were going with us, Care."

Caroline shrugged. "Someone needs to stay here for Matt, and Bonnie is coming back soon."

"How long do you think it'll be until we get back?" she asked, serious.

Damon shrugged his shoulders, throwing the hideous, white tennis shorts behind him. "As long as it takes, Elena," he replied in an exasperated tone. He rolled his eyes. "Maybe never." With that, he strode out of the room to start some other mission.

She sighed, tired of Damon's attitude, and went back to folding. The sun was just beginning to rise above the horizon, and she could tell by the heavy burn in her eyes that she needed to sleep. Or maybe she had cried a little too much that night. Both were very probable.

They all sorted through drawers for a long time until Caroline tilted her head up. "It's quiet up there," she said simply, like a parent watching over a child. "Sounds like Stefan finally fell asleep. I could hear him turning for the past hour. I wonder what kept him up." Elena's heart dropped at the memory of last night. She felt… stupid, foolish… _so foolish _for trying to make an advance on him after such a terrible fight. Of course she couldn't cure everything with the three words that used to settle everything between them. When they were together, when everything was perfect, when Damon was not in the picture, she would whisper "I love _you_" and he would know—his faith in her was pure magic. He would smile and believe her; he would fall victim to her promises of always and forever. But maybe now, even without his memories, Stefan had come to learn that that was all they were and would ever be from her: _words, _a meaningless jumble of letters that she had never been able to hold onto. She'd abused the dreaded, "I love you" so much that even Stefan, without a single memory of her, knew not to trust them. And she hated herself for that.

"Hey," Caroline interrupted her thoughts sympathetically, as if she'd just read them. " When he wakes up, why don't you go see him?"

Elena shook her head quickly, pushing her hair out of her face as a way to distract herself. "I can't," she said sharply, forcefully throwing a shirt into a bag. "He hates me now."

Caroline raised an eyebrow. "I highly doubt that," she chuckled. "Last I checked, he thought that _you _hated _him. _I think it's a problem in communication."

Elena bit her lip, taking a seat on the edge of Damon's bed for a split second before remembering that _it all started here. _She lost Stefan in the first place because of her presence on _this bed… _she'd moved from the right side of Stefan's bed to the left side of Damon's. She shuddered and quickly stood up. "I don't get it," she huffed. "I started to apologize for lying, and he said he understood." Caroline smiled at that, but Elena kept going. "I wanted to apologize anyways though, and so I started to tell him that I do love him, but he stopped me."

Caroline furrowed her brows. "Huh."

"I just don't know what to do." Elena exhaustedly ran her hands along her face. "I know I don't deserve it, but I can't imagine myself with anyone else."

"I think you guys need to talk."

She agreed slowly, closing her eyes for a long minute. "I just… if he wanted me to… If it was what he really wanted, I'd do it. I'd leave him alone and never look back."

Caroline tilted her head. "But…?"

"But losing him scares me more than anything."

* * *

Stefan shook his head and said nothing as he ran his fingertips along the dusty desk in his room, spending hardly any time on objects that once had meaning. He brushed past the letter that, based on the worn and frayed ends, seemed to have always been there. It was from a girl named Lexi. He was going to read it, but as he grabbed it, his heart fell and his throat clenched, so he set it back down, right where it had been. He didn't even care about the pen –his journaling pen, he presumed—and instead ended up staring at a little empty, leather box. Tilting his head to the side, he picked up the tiny box and effortlessly opened it. For a moment, he could have sworn that he'd done it before, but he shrugged once again and set the pretty, little box down.

His attention lingered on a newer picture. The frame had been flipped over so that it was face-down, and puzzled, Stefan flipped it over. He could instantly feel the smile curling onto his lips. There he stood, in a jersey, smiling up at the camera as he held a blushing Elena tightly against him. The look in his own eyes startled Stefan a bit when he realized he really did not recognize this man; he was _happy. _He'd almost forgotten what that felt like.

He ran his teeth along his bottom lip and quickly stuffed the photograph into the bottom of his duffel bag.

_Don't bring much, _Damon had told him a few minutes ago. _Only bring what you need._

Of course he didn't _need _a picture—he wasn't foolish, but Stefan decided that this could be the one exception.

* * *

The sun was shining bright over the little town of Mystic Falls, and Damon was in a rush to leave. Elena was, too, if it meant that they could all be a little safer. Stefan, on the other hand, was a little more hesitant.

Elena watched from a safe distance while he talked with Caroline about calling and texting and whatnot, and she couldn't help but feel a little jealous. Why didn't Stefan try so hard like that with _her_? She pushed the thought away, forced a smile, and waited for her turn to say goodbye to her best friend.

Elena grinned at Caroline and pulled her into her arms, giving her a squeeze that was a little too tight. "Take care, Caroline. Call if you need anything."

"Aww." She chuckled and gave Elena a light squeeze. "Will do. I'm sure Matt will want to hear all about your 'leaving Mystic Falls' adventure when you get back. Who would have ever thought that any of us would actually escape this little town?"

Smiling fondly, Elena stepped away and nodded, beginning to open the door of Damon's mustang. Stefan, strangely quiet, opened his door as well. He was just about to get in, too, but he swiftly turned around and pulled Caroline in for a hug, burying his face in her shoulder. Elena gritted her teeth, but once again, made herself smile. How sweeeeeet.

"The old Stefan was never such a hugger!" Caroline observed, pleasantly surprised. She gently rubbed his back for a long moment when he did not bring his head up. Eyebrows furrowed, Elena watched as her friend whispered to him, "Hey, this will be good. You're going _somewhere. _ No one knows you there, no one expects anything of you. Where you're going, you're not Stefan 2.0, okay? You're just… Stefan." He finally lifted his head and stepped away, holding onto her every word. "Just be who you want to be. I'll be here when you get back."

Elena had never seen him look more like a child than he did in this moment. "Promise?" he swallowed.

Caroline grinned. "Promise. Now get in that car. The sooner you leave, the sooner you can come back, you knucklehead."

Stefan laughed and gave a playful wave before retiring to the backseat of the car. Trying to keep a straight face, Elena waved as well.

As soon as she closed the door, Damon sped off.

They drove for hours until they were a good four hundred miles outside of Mystic Falls. Elena glanced out the window and did not see much of anything: fields, an occasional McDonalds.

The entire drive had been tiring. When she wasn't arguing with Damon, she was worrying about Stefan, who hadn't said two words the entire trip. Whenever she glanced back, he was staring out the window, lost in a world that she couldn't even begin to fathom. The things she would do just to be able to step into that world, just for a moment...

"I'm tired," she finally blurted out.

"Tough," Damon muttered under his breath. Elena sent him a glare.

"Damon, we need to stop and get something to eat. I need to sleep. We can't drive to an unknown destination and never get out."

"We'll go to a drive-through. Sleep in the car."

Elena huffed, annoyed and furious. She did _not _feel like dealing with Damon for the rest of this trip. She was hungry, exhausted, and already miserable.

Suddenly, a voice that Elena hadn't heard all day finally spoke up. "Let's go there." Surprised, she turned and looked back at Stefan, who was pointing at a Motel 8 coming up on the corner of the road. "I'm tired, too."

She cracked the slightest smile. She knew he wasn't that tired.

* * *

It definitely was not the Four Seasons, but it was good enough. Two beds and a couch –which Damon had already claimed—seemed to be the only furniture in the dingy place, but Elena didn't really mind. She just couldn't wait to finally close her eyes!

But for some odd reason, as she heard the water of Damon's shower go on, she was anything but tired. The bathroom door was closed, and for the first time since last night, she was alone with Stefan. She sat on the edge of her bed and silently watched for a long moment as he flicked the lamp on and tried to examine his head wound in the tiny mirror. He twisted his neck at uncomfortable angles and winced at some, so, with a sigh, Elena moved to her feet and strode over to him.

"Let me," she said softly, moving his hands away from his head. Placing one hand on his shoulder, she used the other to add slight pressure to the spot where he had hit the tree. When Stefan gasped out, she knew that she had found it. "It looks a lot better," she promised, wishing he would just say something. "It's healing already. Maybe if Damon gave you a little bit of his blood—"

"No!" he sharply cut her off, and Elena stopped talking. Leaning her head over to the side to get a good view of his face in the mirror, she placed the hand that had previously been in his hair on his other shoulder, caressing his exposed skin along the way. He chilled.

When her fingertips brushed against his neck, Stefan closed his eyes for the briefest of seconds. The air between them was electric, magnetic, and he wished to god that she would just stop touching him. He wished to god that he could gain the power to _tell _her to stop touching him. She wasn't even doing anything at this point, but the simple energy of her hands against his, the contact… it was like a live circuit. He opened his mouth to try and speak a few times, but every time he did, he met her hopeful and afraid eyes in the mirror, and he lost the ability to speak. "You really… shouldn't," he managed to spit out.

Elena moved away, causing Stefan to breathe out slowly. _Touch me again_, he wanted to tell her. _Just one more time. Make me feel something other than pain again. _He could still see her face in the mirror, and he wanted nothing more than to wipe the hurt off of it. "Shouldn't what?" she asked.

Stefan closed his eyes. "Shouldn't love me," he said after a pause. "You shouldn't love me." _I don't deserve it_.

Elena simply nodded. "I know."

A slow breath exited his lips as he turned around to gaze into her eyes, deep, chocolaty eyes that he had nearly taken the life out of. The thought made him want to die all over again. "And I shouldn't love you." _You deserve more._

Where was he even going with this? Was his goal to hurt her even more? He internally cursed himself the moment the next words escaped Elena's lips.

"Well, do you?"

He didn't want to answer her. Couldn't answer her. Elena closed her eyes and quickly wiped the back of her eyes before the tears could fall. He wanted to ask her what was wrong –his mind and heart were _screaming _at him to ask her—but he forced himself to turn around. _Make her hate you, _he told himself. _Make her hate you. It's easier._

"You can't shut me out," she finally said, rougher than usual. Stefan froze, but did not face her. "You've done this before, you know? I know that you can't remember, but you do this when you're afraid to get close and I _hate _it when you shut me out."

Stefan did not speak, and Elena felt her eyes beginning to fill with fresh, burning tears. "I know I made a mistake, Stefan. I made a huge mistake and I'll never forgive myself for the things I said to you. Yes, I lied all this time, and yes, I stayed with Damon after you died. I was alone, and I was confused, but—"

He abruptly spun around. "Why do you even care about me?"

Elena froze, unsure of how this even related to what she was telling him. "What?"

"You were so nice to me. When I came back, you hugged me. And here you are, taking care of me, and I just can't figure it out. Why?"

She swallowed nervously, her posture stiffening. "I… I'm sorry, Stefan, but I'm not following."

He quickly approached her, now inches away. His green eyes searched hers for answers, though she was nothing but baffled by his sudden question. Now, though, when he spoke, her stomach fell to the floor and the earth beneath her feet began to quake. "How can you love a monster, Elena?"

And then she finally recognized the expression in his cold, green eyes. Stefan was not angry, not tonight. The consuming emotion that had been present on his face all day had been _guilt. _

She was just about to bring her hand to the side of his face and tell him that he was far from a monster, but she did not get the chance, for a knock on the door snapped them out of their moment.

They exchanged confused glances. Who on earth would come to their room at this hour?

* * *

_**AN: Hello! Sorry for the update. Not much happened, but I promise that the next chapter will be a little better. I had some major writer's block for this chapter, but I wanted to have something, so this is what I came up with. I think it is best if Elena is aware of Stefan's guilt now, because it gives them a lot to work on. It's going to be an uphill battle to get past all of their problems, but will they be able to do it?  
**_

_**Please leave a review letting me know what you thought, what you loved, what you hated, and what you want to see. You all know by now just how much every comment makes my day and makes me want to keep going. As long as you want me to, I will continue to write.**_

_**Who is at the door? Where on earth are Damon, Elena, and Stefan going to end up, and will Stefan and Elena be able to overcome this obstacle?**_

_**Thanks! Xoxo**_

_**Sara**_


	16. Chapter 16

The air in the room went solid when the rapping on the door reached Stefan and Elena's ears. She held her breath, closed her eyes, and prayed for it to stop. _He _bit his lip and began to approach the door.

"Don't!" she whispered harshly. "Who knows what is on the other side?"

Stefan shrugged his shoulders and turned to her. When he spoke, his voice was neither low nor quiet. "I'm not going to live in fear, Elena."

Funny. She could imagine, only about a year ago, having the same conversation with him. Only, Stefan would have been the one watching after _her._

And so, bravely, Stefan approached the door and placed his forehead against the cold wood. He winced and got a good glimpse through the peep hole. When his shoulders fell in relief, Elena let out the breath she'd been holding and smiled. "Coast is clear?"

"Kind of." Straight faced, Stefan reached for the door knob and opened it with a quick, effortless pull. When Elena saw the person on the other end of the threshold, her insides melted into a deep pool of rage.

The coast was _not _clear!

"Katherine," Elena hissed, the word feeling like broken glass as it tore up her insides on its way out.

* * *

"No," Elena spat. "No, no, no. She is _not _coming with us. No. Just no. How many times can I say _no_?"

"Not enough, clearly." Like a cat, Katherine stretched out contently on the room's sofa, easily getting herself comfortable. She laid sideways, with one elbow on the armrest while the other arm was resting against the side of her thigh. "_Au contraire_, miss _E-le-na_. I am coming with you. It's not your decision to make, last I checked," she advised carelessly, letting out a bored sigh. Elena wanted to rip her made-up little face off. "Also, you don't need to talk about me like I'm not here."

Blue eyes flaring, Damon crossed his arms over his chest. "You know, I think I'm going to have to agree with Elena here." He narrowed his eyes in the older doppelganger's direction. "There's no way you are coming with us."

Katherine rolled her eyes, shaking her head. Her aggravatingly perfect curls bobbed perfectly with every little perfect, graceful movement. Elena was fuming. "Let's take a moment and step back, shall we?" Sitting up a little straighter, Katherine crossed her legs and pointed over to the bed, where Stefan was already out like a light, snoring softly. Arms and legs extended, he took up the entire bed, his hair a floppy mess. "Well isn't that adorable?" she chuckled. "Teenage boys, I'm telling you… they might as well be puppies. You feed them –and I mean, they'll eat _anything_," she sent a smirk in Elena's direction, casually running the tip of her finger along a vein in the side of her own neck, "and then they just sleep. But when they're awake, boy, are they fun to play with."

Damon shifted uncomfortably. "Your examples are great and all –I'd give you a B on a good day-, but you seem to be lacking a thesis statement." Katherine rolled her eyes, making him smirk.

"The problem with puppies is that they're fragile." She twirled her hair between her fingers, her fond gaze glued on Stefan's sleeping form. Finally, she turned her attention back to Elena and Damon. "I'm not here for road trip bonding, okay?"

Elena's mind was made up. "Stefan isn't just another teenager. He's… so much more than that. That's beside the point. The point is that we don't need you. Damon's strong enough. I practiced hunting with Alaric. I'm sure Stefan would be able to defend himself."

Katherine huffed. "Yeah, because that worked so well last time, right?"

"Hey, in my baby bro's defense," Damon started, "He did get a stake in the guy's stomach."

Once again, Katherine rolled her eyes, and after a long moment of silence, uncrossed her legs. Elena furrowed her brows, puzzled by the unreadable expression on her doppelganger's face. But when she blinked, Katherine was gone out of the couch. Panicked, Elena scanned the room until she located the older Petrova beside the bed, gently running her slender fingers along the strip of exposed skin on Stefan's lower back, where his t-shirt had risen up. Confidently, Katherine gave Elena a challenging glare before speaking. "Boom. He's dead. And neither of you would have even had time to react. It'd be _that _easy to snap his neck."

Elena gritted her teeth.

* * *

_I hate her, _Elena thought over and over again. _I absolutely hate her._

Twelve hours later, and guess who was now in the car with the three of them? Yes. _Katherine. _And what was even worse? The fact that it was _Katherine _in the backseat with Stefan, with her hands all over him… and he was letting her do it. Why wasn't he stopping her?

Gosh, the way they were acting… it was plainly uncomfortable. Lewd, almost.

"Damn it, Katherine," he muttered, fishing through his half-empty bag of M & M's. "Why did you take all of the red ones?"

She giggled like a schoolgirl, and Elena was pretty sure that, at this point, it was only to make her so furious. "Because clearly, the red ones are the best," Katherine flirted, watching as he poured a huge handful into his palm, searching for one final red chocolate. When he found one, she quickly snatched it and held it up in front of him.

She didn't even _like _M & M's. She was a vampire!

Not to mention the fact that they all tasted exactly the same…

Nevertheless, Stefan's eyes went wide. "I will do anything to get that from you."

An amused smirk curled on Katherine's plump lips. "Anything, huh?"

Elena was about ten seconds away from telling Damon to pull over. She was going to be sick.

* * *

They finally ended up in a small town on the coast of New Jersey. It didn't exactly look like the ideal place for a vacation, but it was close enough. Katherine had claimed that this was a great place to settle in: small enough to go undetected, but big enough to easily get lost. Katherine knew _everything _about _everything. _

They wound up in an old, creaky bed and breakfast at around three in the morning. It was a miracle that _anything _was open at this hour in such a town. The woman at the counter was old, but friendly enough. Stefan pitied her; did she stay up all night, every night, hoping someone would visit?

"We have two rooms available now," the lady explained warmly. "We should have more tomorrow if you need them. My cleaning ladies come in every other day to brush up the rooms, you see, and we can't exactly get anything at this kind of hou—"

Damon was far from patient. "Yes," he groaned. "Two is fine. It's late, and we'd like to get into our rooms if you don't mind."

The woman went silent and quickly started typing on her ancient computer. Stefan bit his lip. "Excuse my brother," he said after an awkward pause. "He's been driving all night. He gets a little… testy when he gets tired."

The lady chuckled, and just like that, her welcoming demeanor was back. Elena couldn't help herself from smiling just a little bit; he was just so charming. "So, where are you folks from?" the woman asked.

Stefan opened his mouth, but Katherine interrupted before he could get a word out. "California. We're trying to do a road trip all across the country for our college spring break," she lied smoothly.

Stefan was impressed.

After they got their room keys, they spent a good twenty minutes arguing over who would get to room with who.

Katherine wanted to room with Stefan. Much to Elena's chagrin, Stefan liked that idea.

There was no way Damon and Elena were going to room together though.

Damon and Stefan offered sharing if they needed to.

Katherine and Elena would have ended up killing each other.

And so, Damon was forced to share with Katherine, leaving Elena and Stefan together.

The two of them silently entered their room. Stefan –always the gentleman- held the door for her, but said nothing. For the first hour, the room was replete with awkward chit-chat and attempts at small talk. They had to have discussed how great the room was about five times, when in truth, it was extremely run-down and outdated.

When they were both showered and dressed to go to sleep, they looked at the shared bed, unsure of how to handle this. "You can, um… I'll have no problem sleeping in that chair," he offered.

"No, that's ridiculous. It's got to be a hundred years old, Stefan. You'll wake up covered in dust. We can share."

Based off of the look on his face, he didn't seem to like that idea very much, which made Elena's heart clench a little bit. She tried not to show it, though. She simply bit her lip and looked straight ahead when he reluctantly complied. He pulled the sheets down and slowly crawled into the left side.

Her breath caught.

He _still _took the left side.

After yet another pause, Elena crawled in beside him and sat against the headboard. The light was still on, but he was already curled up with his pillow, trying to make himself fall asleep. She watched him for a few moments. God, did she miss sleeping beside him.

But, now… the bed felt so hollow, so cold.

She knew that he was maybe already asleep, but she spoke anyways. "Stefan?"

"Yeah?" he said, still fully aware. Good.

"I miss Mystic Falls," she said after a short while. Stefan sighed, still not facing her.

"Me too."

"How long do you think we'll be here?"

"I don't know," he breathed out. "Katherine said it could be anywhere from a few weeks to a few months." Ugh, _Katherine. _Why did he have to mention Katherine? What was so great about Katherine? Nothing! Nothing at all!

And so, after inhaling and exhaling for a while, Elena clenched her fists and asked, "What is your deal with Katherine?"

Now, Stefan turned so that he, too, was sitting against the headboard. Eyebrows knitted, he shot her a baffled look. "What do you mean?" He crossed his arms against his chest.

Elena looked down at her fingers, entwining and re-entwining them over and over again. "Come on, Stefan," she reasoned. "Ever since she arrived here, on this trip, she's been all over you."

"Yes…?"

"And you've let her do it!" Elena explained, exasperated. "I just don't get it. You wanted to _room _with her. I just can't fathom it. Why Katherine? Of all people?"

Stefan refused to look her in the eye. "I like Katherine," was all that he said in response. His answer did not seem very convincing.

Elena shook her head. "Stefan, you have to realize that she's a terrible person. If you knew about some of the things that she's done…"

He said nothing. When she glanced over at him, there was an overwhelming expression of sadness across his face. At first, Elena thought _she _had upset him by displaying Katherine in a new light, but then, she recognized another expression. He _knew. _He knew very well just what Katherine was capable of.

"What's that look for?" she asked, her voice much, much softer now. She almost wanted to reach out and touch him, caress his arm or even the back of his hand, but she thought that maybe he would break if she did. Or maybe she would. They had both been worn so thin at this point, that it was just a matter of time before they both shattered.

Stefan kept his mouth shut, but his expression remained.

"You know that Katherine is a bad person," Elena observed. "That's why you're paying all of this attention to her, isn't it?"

Nothing.

"You're trying to make yourself feel something for her."

Stefan's fingers twitched and he clenched his jaw, a sign that she had struck a chord with him. When Stefan was overwhelmed, he always clenched his jaw. "But why?"

He looked down at his lap, and Elena patiently waited for a response. She knew she'd get one eventually. "Katherine is…," he started slowly, unsure as he tried to put his thoughts into words. "You're right. She's not _good_. But I'm not good, either."

Elena's heart fell as she recalled his words from last night. "You're not a monster, Stefan…"

He didn't hear her, not really. "You're good, Elena. You deserve someone good."

She both wanted to both hug him and slap him at the same time. How could he think that he didn't deserve her? "I'm _far _from good, Stefan. You don't even know half of it. I don't know what you remember, Stefan, but the person you were, the things you once did… you've redeemed yourse—"

He finally turned and met her gaze with intense, piercing eye-contact. "I bit you, Elena. _You. _Of all people. And I _loved _you. I killed a lot of people, too –I remember every kill-, but I didn't have any emotional attachment to _them. _I bit you and I laughed. Laughed."

Elena closed her eyes tightly, feeling hot tears beginning to pool. _Every _kill? How was he even coherent right now? She didn't know if she would have been able to even stand with _that _sudden rush of memories. Every time he closed his eyes, he must have recalled yet another lost life, recalled the way she screamed when he attacked. And this just wasn't fair. It wasn't fair that he had to suffer again; he didn't deserve it. Stefan didn't get to hate himself again; he didn't get to loathe his existence again. This wasn't supposed to happen.

He took her silence as evidence to his argument. "You're too good for me, Elena."

Now, she opened her spilling, watery eyes and glared at him harshly. "I'm too good for _you_? Are you kidding me right now?" She ran her hands along her face. "I slept with your brother the day after I broke up with you. The goddamn next day."

Stefan turned to face her, his eyes filling with confusion. "What did I do to you?" That sounded… so unlike her. "Did I hurt you?"

"No!" she shouted, shaking her head violently. "You didn't do a damn thing except love me, and what did I do in return? I threw it away. I didn't even care, too. Not really." The tears were streaming down her face now. There were far too many things rushing through Stefan's mind at this moment. Of course Elena did this to him; after all, he never really had deserved her. Then, he felt sad because she was sad; she didn't need to be sad. Then, the worst of all, he felt… betrayed, angry. Deep in his chest, his heart felt heavy. _He _felt heavy with the sense that he hadn't been good enough for her, never would be. But all along, he knew that, didn't he?

Elena wasn't done speaking. "I was sired to him. But that's not even an excuse, not really. Because I promised you forever. I told you on that roof that we would have eternity together once I turned… and I didn't follow through. You told me almost every day, that after everything you'd done, all the people you'd killed, you finally found something worth living for. And I took that away from you."

Stefan shook his head, a little numb but feeling everything nevertheless. "It's not your fault that the things you wanted changed."

Elena shook her head. "Katherine was right, you know?" She tried to wipe her tears away with her hand, but it was no use; they just kept streaming. "I let you die. You did it to make me human again, because I hated it, being a vampire. I hated it _so much. _I'd done nothing but hurt you, but you still saved me.

"And then, I was human, but you were dead, and I wanted you all over again."

She pulled her knees up to her chest. "It's all my fault, Stefan. It's all my fault. You're suffering now because of the things I put you through. Now you have to re-live all of it, and here I am, talking to you, sleeping beside you, when you should already be hundreds of miles away from me. I should have—I should have just—I should have left town when you came back. You don't deserve this again. You wanted out, you did. Damon said you did. And I've dragged you back in and I've ruined everything and I just miss you so much and I know that I shouldn't. I wish I could just let go, and I'm just too weak…" She couldn't even finish. She was now in hysterics as she poured out her heart to the man who had been the source of her guilt for what felt like its own eternity. Her shoulders were shaking and her body was convulsing, and she expected him to get up and leave right then, but he didn't. As she shook and trembled, Stefan wrapped his arms around her shoulders and pulled her head against his chest, where she cried and cried, soaking the cotton fabric of his shirt.

She felt him gently kiss the top of her head, and it made her cry even more. "I stayed with him, Stefan," she barely got out. He said nothing and just held her a little closer, running his fingers through her hair, soothing her with gentle caresses. Elena could have sworn that she felt him crying too, but he did not let it show.

She clutched his shirt for a while longer until she had no more tears to cry. Honestly, she had no idea what time it was anymore. Gradually, the sound of her sobs had faded into complete and total silence. Unlike earlier in the night, this was not at all awkward. She just rested against Stefan's chest with her eyes wide open as he drew lazy circles on her back. Maybe he thought that she was asleep.

"Stefan?" she said, relieved that her voice no longer sounded so awful.

"Yeah?"

"What are you thinking about?"

"You."

She swallowed thickly and continued to stare out. "What about me?"

He let out a long sigh, stopped tracing circles on her back as he thought, and then quickly resumed. "I think," he breathed out, tiredly resting his chin on the top of her head, "that you're flawed."

Elena frowned and nodded. She was well aware of that.

Stefan continued, "I think that I'm flawed."

He was. He _really _was. But those flaws made him beautiful.

"I think that you made mistakes when you weren't in your right mind. I think I made mistakes when I wasn't in my right mind," he began, his hands never once breaking the contact with her skin. "But we have to accept the fact that that's a terrible excuse. _We _made those mistakes, whatever they were."

She nodded against his chest, feeling his steady heartbeat beneath his t-shirt. "We're not going to make mistakes again," she said aloud, although it was meant only to be a thought.

"Yes, we will," Stefan said calmly. "We're going to make lots of mistakes."

Elena smiled softly in agreement.

"And maybe I'm making one right now," he said, his caress on her back coming to an abrupt stop. For the hundredth time that night, Elena's heart fell. She didn't know if she could handle losing him again, knowing it was because of her… "Elena," he exhaled.

"Yes, Stefan?"

"This past month, since I woke up, you have lied to me, driven me crazy, confused me, and upset me."

Her mouth formed a straight line. She knew what was coming. The inevitable rejection. Her body was tense. "I know, and I'm sorr—"

He cut her off. "It makes no sense, but for some damned reason, I think that I'm in love with you."

And there it was. The words seemed to flow so easily off of his tongue, so candid and honest. And she wanted to cry out and hold him against her and never let him go, but she didn't want to move. She was too relaxed, and once again, he was tracing circles on her back. "I'm sorry that I made you fall in love with me," she chuckled halfheartedly.

She felt him shrug his shoulders. "Don't be," he whispered. "I don't think you had anything to do with it."

Because, truly, he would have fallen for her even if he'd never met her.

* * *

_**AN: Yay! Progress! Lot's of progress, haha. I know some of you might be upset that Stefan wasn't more upset with Elena, but really, who can blame him? They've both done unforgivable things, but nonetheless have been able to forgive each other. Yes, him loving her shouldn't make sense, but it does, because love never really does make sense, does it? Anyways, I hope you all liked the chapter.**_

_**Please leave a review letting me know what you thought! Every comment means the world to me. Y'all know that, haha, I say this at the end of every update, but please just take a few seconds to let me know what you loved, what you hated, and what you want to see, because it really inspires me and helps me write better updates for you all! As long as you want me to keep writing, I will!**_

_**What does this mean for Stefan and Elena? And what is going on in Damon and Katherine's room? :P**_

_**Stay tuned!**_

_**Thanks! Xoxo  
**_

_**Sara :)**_


	17. Chapter 17

What was the point in sleeping now? It wasn't as if either of them would have been able to get any rest if they tried. There were some rare moments -moments like these—where, sure, finally closing your eyes sounded _great_, but falling asleep wasn't even an option. The seconds that ticked by felt like their own eternity, but passed all too quickly. They stretched and twisted around each other until a second seemed like an hour and an hour seemed like a second. Maybe it had something to do with the fact that they were so exhausted, but that was half of the magic. In this sated, ethereal state of being and not being, nothing really mattered all too much, nothing except for the feel of his arms around her waist and her head on his chest. Yes, in times like these, the hours passed too quickly and the seconds were a second too long.

After what felt like a pleasant forever, Elena shifted a bit in Stefan's embrace, emitting a small, quiet sigh. "Stefan," she said contently.

He let out a quiet groan that made her wonder if he actually _had _been sleeping, but when his fingers travelled through her hair and he placed a slow, tender kiss on her shoulder, her fear of waking him up was put at ease. "Were you sleeping?"

"Nah," he chuckled. "You weren't, were you?" She could feel the smile on his lips against the exposed skin of her shoulder, which made her grin as well. Stefan really did not smile enough, and when he did, it was contagious. Surely, if Stefan Salvatore was happy about _something_, the rest of America should have been happy too.

"No," she promised, blindly reaching around in the darkness for his hand. When she found it, she entwined her fingers between his and swore to herself that she'd never let go. "Hey, Stefan?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think you'll ever get your memories back? The ones you want, I mean. The ones of us. When we met, our first kiss..."

He exhaled heavily and gave her hand a gentle squeeze. "Who said I wanted _those_?"

She chuckled and nuzzled more deeply into his chest. "I'm being serious."

"I know you are," he breathed out, his eyes falling on the ceiling. "I don't know, Elena," he replied truthfully. "It scares me sometimes."

That confused her. Puzzled, Elena flipped over, one arm on his chest, the other resting on the mattress, so that she could look into his eyes as best she could despite the darkness; maybe he'd be able to _feel _her gaze on him. "It scares you?"

She could feel his head fall back onto the pillows. "I don't know," he huffed. "It's just so _unknown_. What if I meet the old Stefan and I don't like him very much?"

Elena laughed, shaking her head. "I think you two will get along just fine."

"Elena," he warned. "Now _I'm _the one being serious."

She laughed. "Look, I can promise you that the person you are now and the Stefan I know—knew… you're not that different."

"Do you miss him?"

"What?"

"The old Stefan. Do you miss him?" To anyone else, this would have seemed like a strange attempt to start a fight, but not to Stefan and Elena. While his hand was in her hair and the other was clasped between her fingertips, no question seemed to be too difficult to answer. Stefan's voice was so soft, and his breath was steady, and Elena knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Stefan," she sighed, "You are the same person, memories or not. I don't love _you _any less when I compare you to the person you were. We'll create new memories."

"I know that, I know," he swore. "But do you miss him-me?"

Elena closed her eyes. "Yes," she finally got out. "If there's one thing… I wish you had an idea of how much I love you because really, it's beyond words. God, it just kills me to think that you'll always remember falling in love with me again, but there's a chance that you'll never know what it felt like when I was falling with you."

He swallowed, his heart feeling heavy as she spoke, her pain apparent through every cracking word. "I know how much you love me," he assured her. "And I know what it feels like to have you falling beside me. Remember when we jumped off that cliff in Mystic Falls?"

God, how she loved him.

"And," Stefan started, a little more playful this time. "We can always re-create those memories."

"Starting…?" Elena grinned against his chest at the thought of that. Yes, that sounded wonderful. Wonderful. He made her feel giddy and childish, and she loved him for that. She loved the way he brought her to life.

Stefan brought her fingers to his lips. "Now."

Her eyes went wide. "Now?"

"Now."

* * *

"Being on this couch sucks."

"Just so you know, Katherine," Damon started, both amused and tense, "I do _not _support your attendance on this little field trip."

She chuckled. "I knew you were awake. It's five a.m. What are you doing awake?"

"Your complaining has kept me up." Damon rolled his eyes. "If you think for even a second that I'm going to share this bed with you, think again."

With a devilish smirk, Katherine rolled off of the couch and sauntered her way over to the edge of the bed, her hips swaying back and forth as she did so. Damon did not miss a moment of it.

_Thank you, vampire vision_, he thought to himself, though he hardly even took note of the passing thought. He was a guy, after all. It wasn't as if he actually cared about Katherine. Been there, done that.

"If I remember correctly," she teased slyly, gently tracing her fingertips against the edge of the comforter, well aware of his eyes on her, "We've _shared a bed _plenty of times. Or have you pulled a Stefan and completely forgotten?" With that, she innocently raised her eyes to meet his, a sure indication that she knew he'd been watching her. But she was far from innocent; they both knew that.

"And if _I _remember correctly, it wasn't anything too worth remembering." He smirked. Unlike his baby brother, he knew how to give it right back to Katherine. And he could tell by the amused glint in her eyes that she liked that about him.

"Liar."

He simply shrugged.

Although she lacked an invitation, Katherine crawled into bed until she was beside Damon. She was over the covers, he was beneath the covers. There were only about four layers between them, including clothing.

He counted.

* * *

The dark street was completely deserted, aside from Stefan and Elena, who were aimlessly meandering through the old New Jersey neighborhood. "What exactly are we looking for?"

"A place with a front porch." She ran ahead of him, standing in the middle of the street, her hand up as she gestured for him to halt. She reminded him of a director trying to find a set location, which made him smile. There Elena stood, in the same wrinkled shirt and sweatpants she'd worn on the road, her hair thoughtlessly pulled back into a messy ponytail, and she looked beautiful to him. Maybe he was a little crazy, but she'd never been so beautiful. After a long moment of pondering, Elena pointed to a house a little ways down the road. "There."

Stefan shook his head, smiled, and followed her as she ran down the road like a child looking for the ice cream truck. He almost lost her a few times, but soon, he found her on the front porch of a house, all the lights out. "We can't just stand on someone's front porch—"

"Shhh," she silenced him with a finger to his lips, giggling. Stefan couldn't help but laugh as well; he liked this side of Elena, he really did. "There's a comet outside," she told him matter-of-factly, pointing somewhere empty in the sky. There was no comet, of course, so he used his imagination.

After taking a few deep breaths, she looked down to the ground then back to his eyes. "The thing is, I got home tonight planning on doing what I always do: write in my diary." She went on like this for a few seconds, trying to say everything word-for-word. Stefan was a bit confused by whatever this memory was supposed to mean, but he didn't really care. He still smiled when she told him about the hideous ceramic mermaid. "And then I realized that I'd just be writing things that I should probably be telling you."

There was a long pause as Elena looked at him expectantly, and he froze, feeling his heart freeze over. Had she expected him to remember what he'd said here? Panicked, Stefan looked around, trying to think of the one thing Stefan 1.0 would have said. Would he have given her some witty, poetic response about how he journaled too? Did he hold her hand at this moment and tell her that she looked beautiful? Did he say nothing?

A little smile appearing on her face, Elena reached into her pocket and pulled out a little, crumpled up piece of paper and a pen. Hurriedly, she scribbled a few words onto the paper and handed it to him. Stefan read them over quickly, and the simplicity of them made him want to crawl into a hole. How on earth had he not thought of that. "Oh." She laughed at him when he stumbled over the words. "What would you write?"

Elena smiled and gave him a little wink to signal that he was doing fine. And then, she got extremely serious again, which in itself, Stefan found very adorable. But he took her seriously too. "I would write… Dear Diary, today I convinced myself it was okay to give up. Don't take risks. Stick with the status quo. No drama. Now is just not the time. But my reasons aren't reasons, they're excuses. All I'm doing is hiding from the truth, and the truth is, I'm scared, Stefan." And right there, that was when he fell in love with her even more. These words, these new, foreign words revealed a completely new, beautiful layer to his beautiful, layered Elena. She was flawed, she really was, and he loved the way these words portrayed that. She was a beautiful speaker, his Elena. "I'm scared that if I let myself be happy for even one moment that the world is just gonna come crashing down, and I don't know if I can survive that."

He had no idea how she had remembered every word; Elena never would tell him that those were words she'd never forget. Before she had gone to his house that night, she'd rehearsed them over and over again.

Then, Elena took the piece of paper from him and scribbled a new sentence on there. Stefan grabbed it and with trembling fingers, read it aloud, "Do you want to know… what I would write?"

Elena smiled again and took the paper to write the next part of his speech, but Stefan told her not to. The words were on the tip of his tongue. He _knew _those words, knew them like he knew the back of his hand, or even better, like he knew the back of _her _hand. He furrowed his brows and thought for a few seconds until the words escaped his lips, "I met a girl, we talked, it was epic. But then the sun came up and reality set in." He sounded unsure and positive at the same time, and he could tell by the elated look in Elena's eyes that he was right. Oh, how he wanted to preserve that look forever. It did wild things to him. "All this is reality. Right here."

With that elated look still present in her eyes, Elena pulled Stefan closer to her and rested her forehead against his. He could feel her breath against his lips as she released a shaky exhale; maybe she was crying, he couldn't quite tell. "God, I love you," she muttered. Maybe she didn't even say them, but he felt the words against his lips, somehow. Then, a little louder, she looked into his eyes and whispered, "Guess what comes next."

For the first time all night, he knew what to do, one hundred percent. With his lips parted and his eyes closed, he leaned his head in until their lips met. And when they did, it was _magic. _Electricity. A slow, sweet burn that was boiling in his veins. Somehow, it seemed even better than it did when they had kissed before everything nearly fell apart last week. It was just… better. He loved her even more than he had then, and she loved him even more too. Who knew _that _was possible? The passion was so strong, but they both tried so desperately not to deepen the kiss and preserve the sweetness of the moment, but as the moments swept by and his hands fell on her hips, the sensuality and desperation washed over both of them like a tidal wave, and before he knew what hit him, her body was pressed against his and his skin was flushing hot. She ran her tongue along his bottom lip and when he opened his mouth, he nearly blacked out right then. He didn't know that anything could feel this incredible. There was just something about Elena Gilbert's body… something he couldn't describe. It held a power over him greater than anything he could remember. Maybe it was the way it seemed to fit against his in all the right ways. The way his hands seemed to perfectly fit the curves of her waist. Or maybe it was her vanilla shampoo. It was everything and anything about her that made him both love her and want her all the more.

Suddenly, in the midst of their secret, stolen kisses, a light came on above their heads, snapping them both out of the moment. They both jumped immediately and looked at the door, noticing the way the knob was turning. Frantic and laughing like an idiot, Elena grabbed a dazed Stefan by the hand and pulled him across the lawn, running faster than she ever had in her life. The entire time, they couldn't stop laughing, and she wished to god this would be something neither of them would soon forget. They ran for what felt like miles until their legs were aching and their lungs could no longer hold enough air.

Panting, Elena laughed even louder and said, "That wasn't supposed to happen."

Laughing just as hard, looking so incredibly _human_ and in love, Stefan simply pulled her close and kissed her again, right in the middle of the empty street.

This girl, right here, was the exact reason why Stefan Salvatore had been brought back from the dead. That much he knew.

* * *

_**AN: Ah, two weeks later, and I update. Sorry! Ugh, life. haha**_

_**Okay, so that was a lot of fluff, but I think it was well deserved. Stefan and Elena needed a good moment of fluff. I hope I wrote it alright and did this incredible couple some justice. Do you think he'll be able to remember everything eventually? Please leave a review letting me know what you thought of the chapter and with your thoughts in general! Please let me know what you loved, what you hated, and what you want to see! Y'all know what your reviews do for both me and this story- without you, it would not be what it is, and as long as you want me to keep writing, I will keep writing.**_

_**What will happen now? How long can Stefan and Elena be happy? What's going on with Katherine and Damon?  
**_

_**Please review! Thanks!**_

_**Xoxo**_

_**Sara**_


	18. Chapter 18

**Previously in Barely a Memory…**

"But he was dead_._ No pulse, cold body, _dead. _He wasn't just _sleeping_!"

Stefan gritted his teeth. He was beginning to get annoyed. "I'm alive. I'm not becoming a vampire. Let's just be thankful."

…

Elena closed her eyes. " It just kills me to think that you'll always remember falling in love with me again, but there's a chance that you'll never know what it felt like when I was falling with you."

He swallowed, his heart feeling heavy as she spoke, her pain apparent through every cracking word. "I know how much you love me," he assured her. "And I know what it feels like to have you falling beside me. Remember when we jumped off that cliff in Mystic Falls?"

"And," Stefan started, a little more playful this time. "We can always re-create those memories."

…

Although she lacked an invitation, Katherine crawled into bed until she was beside Damon. She was over the covers, he was beneath the covers. There were only about four layers between them, including clothing.

He counted.

…

For the first time all night, with Elena, Stefan knew what to do, one hundred percent. With his lips parted and his eyes closed, he leaned his head in until their lips met. It was magic. Pure magic.

* * *

Stefan chuckled against Elena's lips when she tripped over the threshold. His strong arm against her waist prevented her from falling, and for that, he was grateful. Extremely grateful. Then again, if Elena fell, they'd probably both just end up on the floor and…

_Slam._ She shut the door behind them hurriedly with a fumbling hand, refusing to pull away from his lips even for a moment. At this point, breathing seemed optional, and Stefan was sure as hell ready to drown before he moved away. Elena's lips were paradise. He felt like a saint and a sinner. He hardly comprehended it all, couldn't make sense of the combination of chills and heat flooding through his body and making the blood in his veins rush. All that he knew, all that _mattered_, was that the gentle, dull ache in the back of his head as his lungs cried for oxygen, was just as magnificent as it was painful.

This was every dying man's last wish.

Elena's eagerness mirrored his, and Stefan was astonished by the way she would faintly giggle against his lips every few seconds. He wondered what she was laughing at, but didn't bother to ask. Finally, she pulled back for a split second to breathe, and his stomach dropped in disappointment. He quickly went in for another kiss –it was _his _oxygen right now—but she pulled back, staring deeply into his eyes.

By the curve in her beautifully swollen lips, he could tell that she was amused. He glanced down as Elena began to slowly and playfully unbutton the top of his shirt, never taking her eyes off of his.

He swallowed the lump in his throat. This girl.

"So you think you love me?" she whispered, her breath hitting his cheek like a cool breeze on a summer day.

Eyes wide, Stefan just nodded. Elena chuckled. Then went the next button.

"Well," she began, bringing her mouth dangerously close to his. He was hyper aware of her eyes on his lips and her hands on his chest, his body both frozen and on fire, "I know."

Now, a slow, gentle smile began to form on Stefan's face as he gazed down into Elena's hooded chocolate eyes. "What do you know?" he chuckled, his touch on her waist so light that she could hardly feel it. She stopped unbuttoning his shirt after about the first three, barely exposing his chest.

"I know," she started, gingerly running her fingertips down Stefan's arm until her hands were atop his own, pressing his palms a little tighter to her warm, tingling skin, "that I think I love you too."

He leaned down to press a quick, tender peck on the tip of her nose, causing Elena to crinkle it a bit, and just like that, like a gust of wind, the heavy, hot, desperate air between them cooled. It was so pleasant; Stefan wanted it to stay like this forever. "You _know_ you love me, Elena."

"Well so do you," she offered, trailing her right hand back up his arm.

"Do I?"

Elena grinned, her gaze falling on her hand. Stefan could not make out the expression in her eyes though the light curve of her lips was contagious. He followed her lead, glancing down at her slender fingertips as they danced up his arm to his chest, where the buttons had been opened. Achingly slow, Elena's hand made its way over his chest, right over his heart. Momentarily, she seemed to be awestruck by the discovery that she was making, her lips parted ever so slightly to let out a quick exhale.

"What?" he smiled.

Elena blinked, meeting his eyes once again. "Nothing," she laughed. "It's pounding. Your skin's warm. I'm not used to that."

Laughing, and suddenly bashful, Stefan tried to hide the warmth flooding into his cheeks by tightening his grip on Elena's waste and pressing his lips to hers. Instantly, she responded by pressing her body closer to his; she was so close now that he could feel the warmth radiating off of her. A wave of heat surged through his body, head to toe, as the moment's intensity increased again, and before he could even register what was happening, Elena was pushing the shirt off of his back. The second it landed on the floor, Stefan pulled her even tighter against him and began walking her to -what he assumed was—the bed. When her back came in contact with a wall instead, they both chuckled a bit. Elena smiled and wrapped her arms around his shoulders when he leaned down to kiss along her neck; vampire Stefan would have found the bed with ease, but she didn't mind that human Stefan had a less than perfect sense of direction. He had such a wonder about him now, such a vitality that definitely was becoming on him. Even now, as his lips moved from her neck down to her collarbone, she could sense the sheer wonder he was feeling by the slight trembling of his fingers and the pressure of his kisses. She had to admit, for not remembering where to even begin, Stefan had no trouble bringing Elena to a shaking mess within seconds. She missed him. She loved him. She wanted him.

Their lips collided once again and she swore that it was the best thing she'd ever felt in her life. Better than their last.

Quickly, Elena wrapped her arms around the back of his neck and wrapped her legs against his waist, happily willing to get lost in this euphoric sense of unity and _love _when…

Knock. Knock. Knock.

As if snapping out of a spell, Stefan turned his head to the door, his expression fading to a look of anger and frustration.

"Knock, knock. Steffy, Elena, time to hit the road! Open up!" Damon. Of course.

Stefan made a noise that oddly resembled a growl. "I'm going to kill him."

She couldn't help but giggle, although she probably shouldn't have. Frustrated, Stefan set her back to her feet and trudged to the door. Elena leaned against the wall for a long second, attempting to catch her breath, her body feeling like jell-o.

Stefan swung the door open, a glare present on his face. "I thought you said we were staying here for a while," he argued.

For a brief second, Damon took note of Stefan's disheveled appearance and then Elena's, though he chose not to acknowledge it. Elena couldn't help but feel the smallest twinge of guilt. "There's a witch about two hours away. We think she can tell us what's up with you. Y'know, not dying and turning and all."

Now Elena was the one to speak up. "It's 4 am."

"And if we leave now, we'll get there at 6. Chop chop!" And with that, Damon turned around and hurriedly made his way back down the hall.

* * *

"Well, aren't they adorable," Katherine observed monotonously, gesturing to the couple in the backseat of the car as they sped down the highway. Stefan was fast asleep, spread out all along the three seats, one leg outstretched hitting the opposite door while the other hung off of the first seat. His legs seemed to be at what looked like an uncomfortable ninety degree angle just so that Elena could sit between them, her back against his chest and head on his shoulder. She, too, was passed out. Katherine wanted to puke.

Damon took a quick glance back and rolled his eyes. "How unsafe. Not even wearing seat belts," he commented flatly, his grip tightening on the steering wheel.

She let out a dry chuckle and glanced at Damon from the side, eager to get a reaction out of him. "Something tells me they didn't do much sleeping last night."

The intensity of his grip increased tenfold. "They didn't."

"Shame," Katherine pouted. "I wanted him all to myself." When Damon did not respond, she turned to face him a little more. "How's getting over Elena treating you?"

He did not dare look at her. "Not discussing this with you."

"And why not?" she began, looking back out the window. "I could help you, you know."

Now she had his attention. "Help how?"

Katherine smirked to herself. "Help you get over her?" She sent him a sultry, smug look over her shoulder. Damon looked over at her before turning his attention back to his driving.

"Thanks but no thanks."

"We'll see about that."

* * *

Stefan was a little disappointed. The so called "witch" had a house that looked quite normal. Aside from the scent of strange herbs that wafted through the air, he could see himself living there. They knocked on the door a few times, and she opened it immediately, as if she'd been waiting.

The four of them were instantly greeted by a warm forty-something woman with an elderly face, the edges of her lips and forehead wrinkled from smiling too often. "Damon!" she said excitedly, stepping out of the threshold, wrapping her frail arms around the older Salvatore brother.

"Looking just as good as ever, Elysia."

"Such a charmer, you are," she laughed, slapping him across the shoulder. "Damon and I go way back."

Elena shook her head. "Damon, do you have a thing with every single witch you meet?"

"Almost."

She rolled her eyes.

"It's a pleasure to meet all of you!" Elysia said kindly, extending her hand first to Katherine, who hesitantly took it. Immediately, the ancient witch pulled her hand away, making Katherine glare. "Sorry, didn't expect a second vampire."

Elysia then turned her attention to Stefan, opening her arms wide. "This must be the special one," she welcomed, pulling him in for a hug. Elena could tell from the nervous expression on his face that Stefan clearly did not feel as close to this woman as she already did with him, but he hugged her back nevertheless. As soon as she pulled away, Elysia grinned, placing both hands on his face. "And what a special one you are. What a complex aura you have, Stefan."

Stefan glanced over at Elena in confusion, but she simply smiled back at him encouragingly. Lastly, the older witch turned to Elena with that welcoming look on her face, extending out her hand. "Nice to meet you, dear," she grinned.

"You too," Elena replied politely, placing her hand in Elysia's tight grip. Immediately, the witch closed her eyes and gasped, furrowing her brows before slowly pulling her hand back and glancing over at Stefan again. "Hmm. Ok, well, let's get started, shall we? Have a seat over here, Stefan."

She gestured to a wicker table resting on the porch, and Damon tensed.

"We can't do this inside?"

Elysia merely chuckled. "I'm not letting two vampires inside of my house, especially not _this_ one." She gestured to Katherine with a friendly grin on her face. "This girl is a force to be reckoned with."

She smirked in response.

"You got all of this from a handshake?" Stefan asked, amazed. Elysia nodded.

"Alright, boy. Have a seat. I want you to place your hand in mine so that I can channel your aura." Puzzled, Stefan followed her instructions. The silence was tense and strangely deafening as the witch did her work, mumbling to herself with every new bit of information she received. Stefan closed his eyes, tried to concentrate his thoughts on everything that had happened to him, the things he knew, the things he remembered. Elena watched this exchange anxiously, biting her fingernails.

After a long moment, Elysia extended her other hand. "You, too, baby," she said, eyes still closed. Confused, Elena looked around. "Yes, you." Nervously, she followed her orders and took a seat next to Stefan. She reached for his hand, and when she found it, she gave him a gentle squeeze, which he quickly returned. For some wonderful, unfathomable reason, it sent goose bumps rushing to her skin.

Within a second, Elysia released both of her hands. "I got it."

"What is it?" Elena asked.

"Well," the witch began, looking between the couple sitting beside her. "You both are aware why _you_," she pointed to Elena, "became human in the first place?"

"Yes," Elena responded, wary. "He sacrificed his life."

Elysia agreed. "The spell itself, to sacrifice your life for the sake of one's humanity, is quite simple. The spell, though, can only be completed when performed between two people, two halves of a whole, if you will. It's rare, of course, to even find this in the first place. True love. For lack of a better word, it's the secret ingredient that is usually missing in order to complete this spell. Stronger than any herb or potion."

Katherine rolled her eyes for the hundredth time that day. "How sweet."

Damon, on the other hand, was acting oddly stoic. It did not suit him well. "We knew that. It was in the mythology. How does this explain why Stefan didn't turn?"

Looking among the group, the witch continued, "When Stefan died, he ultimately gave his ability to live to Elena. The spell you used to bring him back managed to harness this in a way, although I'm sure your witch didn't know that."

Katherine crossed her arms over her chest. "I'm lost."

"As soon as Stefan returned, he became linked to Elena," she explained. "The only thing keeping him alive is this one." She pointed to Elena. "If she dies, he dies. Vice versa; if he dies, so does she. They're linked now. This should not have happened. He should have stayed dead in the first place. Now you two are stuck. Dying together."

Elena had an iron grip on Stefan's hand. Living with Stefan and dying with Stefan didn't sound like such a bad idea; she never had to worry about being without him again. "Wait, why didn't I die when he almost turned?"

"He was going to become a vampire. As long as one is human, so is the other. If you wanted to live forever, you'd have to turn together."

The information was foggy in Stefan's brain, but he understood most of it, or at least the idea of it. _If I die, she dies. _That was all he registered, all he needed to register. He pulled Elena against him and let out a deep breath. He was being hunted by other vampires now. How was he supposed to keep her safe? If he ever got captured, if they ever killed him, then Elena… his body nearly convulsed with the thought. "Is there a way to break the link?" he finally asked.

Elysia shrugged. "Possibly, honey, but it would really mess with nature." She sat back in the chair. "I can't promise that if you don't break the link, you won't shatter the love. Everything is so fragile now. If you kids mess with this, there's a chance it won't be worth it. True love is rare. Do you want to risk losing it?"

"No!" Stefan and Elena both said at the same time. A world without loving Elena felt pointless to him. If he didn't love… if he didn't love Elena, he'd rather be dead anyways. He could tell by the look in her eyes that she felt the same.

Living together and dying together. That was the only real option, after all.

* * *

_**AN: Wow. Ok. There is actually no excuse for this. I am so sorry, everyone. This update took so long and I cannot apologize enough. I really hope I did not lose all of you. I am back, and I promise that the next update will be coming soon so long as I still have readers. I really hope that you all understand that my life has been crazy this summer and I have not been able to do much writing, but I am really going to finish this story and get an update out again soon. You will NOT have to wait another 3 months. Please just let me know if you are still here and reading.  
**_

_**I tried to return with a big reveal in this chapter, and I hope it did not disappoint. Stefan and Elena are linked! How will this affect their relationship? Will it make them stronger or create conflict? And what is going on with Damon and Katherine? Let me know what you think!**_

_**Please, if you can, leave a review letting me know what you thought of the chapter. If you didn't understand anything I introduced (about the link/ stefan dying), feel free to PM me and ask me, and I will explain. Please give me your opinion on the chapter though, what you loved/hated, etc. It means the world to me.  
**_

_**Thank you all so much for understanding! See you again soon!  
**_

_**Xoxo,**_

_**Sara**_


	19. Chapter 19

He now knew what it felt like to love someone so wholly, so desperately and completely that his heart was no longer the thing pumping blood through his veins. It was _her _now: her every breath, her laughter, the scent of her shampoo. She became an embedded piece in his foundation, a single stone that when pulled out would bring the rest crumbling behind it. He'd jumped off of the cliff long ago for her; as soon as she looked up at him with those beautiful, brown doe eyes, he willingly jumped without even knowing he'd walked off the edge. He thought he would enjoy the ride. But now, loving her no longer simply felt like falling; he'd already fallen, and it was a known fact that he'd never hit the ground. No, her love was a hurricane, a winding, endless twister of raw emotion that chilled him to the bone. Loving her enthused him and terrified him at the same time. He didn't even know it was possible until she entered his universe and spun everything around until he was so dizzy that she was all he could see.

Stefan sighed and spread his legs across the concrete sidewalk, crossing them at the ankles. He turned his head to face their bed-and-breakfast's run-down pool. Despite the blinding darkness outside, he could tell by the moon's reflection on the surface of the water that it was green and murky. Letting out a deep breath, he reached beside him until he found a pebble and chucked it into the water. The moon's reflection rippled as he did so. Then, he looked up at the night sky and closed his eyes. "What would _you_ do?" he whispered.

_Linked. _That seemed to be the one word that kept returning to his mind. He was linked to Elena. By coming back, he'd put her own life in danger. As they returned back to the small town after visiting Elysia that evening, Stefan could tell by Elena's wide eyes and bright smile that she viewed this as a gift. As if she couldn't bear the thought of living in a world where he did not exist. It should have made his heart race, but instead, it seemed to only fall with this realization.

She was the only girl for him. But sometimes he did not want to be the only guy for her.

He wished to god that he wasn't, because chances were, eventually he _would _be hunted down and killed. He was being hunted now by vicious, resentful vampires, and if he died and Elena was ripped from her world after a mere nineteen years…

No. He would not let that happen.

"Damn it, _what would you do?_" he said a little louder this time, frustrated. What would Stefan do? What would the Stefan that Elena loved do? From what he had heard, the man that he used to be was selfless, a martyr. But now, Stefan felt selfish. What a disappointment he must have become after returning from the dead! He wasn't ready to stop loving Elena; he wasn't ready to break the link.

_I'm sorry, _he thought to himself a long pause, staring back at the reflection of the moon on the dirty water. _I'm sorry because you wanted to stay dead and now I'm here, taking your place. I'm not you. I don't _know_ you, and sometimes I don't think I ever will. I don't know, maybe I don't want to. I'm a disgrace compared to you. _She_ loved you. And now, she loves me. She loves me because she loves you, because she thinks you're in here somewhere. But I think she's wrong. I'm stealing from you. Sometimes I want to run away, change my name. I'm not Stefan, I'm not Stefan Salvatore. Not really. I wear your face but should not wear your name. I love her so much and I don't know why. Really, I hardly know her, only a month; I don't know her like you knew her. I suppose my love for her is a phantom of what you felt, huh? Unlike you, I'm selfish. I want to love her, I want to keep loving her, even when she realizes that you're long gone. I want to love her even if it means I'm putting her life at risk. Jesus. There's a part of you that stayed dead, isn't there? I'm nothing but your shadow. You're long gone. The part of you that wanted to stay dead stayed dead. You left me behind, and I'm broken._

He felt stupid for talking to himself, with hopes of directing the words to the old Stefan. He was confused, had felt confused for a while, and was now suddenly realizing that maybe it would never change. After all, Stefan 1.0 had sacrificed himself for a reason. He wanted to die; why would he want to return to the same shitty world he had left?

"You weren't in bed." Elena's voice took him out of his dark thoughts, and he swiftly turned his head in her direction. "I was worried."

"I'm fine," he swallowed. Sighing, Stefan looked back out at the water. He wasn't quite sure why it intrigued him so much, but he couldn't stop staring. Maybe Old Stefan was hiding somewhere in there. He chuckled morbidly at the thought.

Stefan could hear her gentle footsteps as she made her way over to him, bare feet soft against hard concrete. Although he had heard her coming, her touch against his shoulder startled him, causing him to gasp out and jump slightly. And then the other hand grabbed onto his other shoulder so that she could sit down on his lap, her legs resting on both sides of his thighs, her torso against his. "What are you doing?" she asked once they both got comfortable. Stefan hated how natural this felt.

"Just thinking."

Not yet picking up on his downbeat mood, Elena giggled and imitated him. "Just thinking," she chuckled, pulling herself a little closer to him. "You're sounding more and more like your old self every day. He was very broody."

He did not reply.

Now a bit puzzled by his lack of response, Elena chose to try and bring his mood up. She quickly glanced out at what he was staring at before softly turning his head so that he was facing her. "Linked," she smiled, pressing her forehead against his. Stefan abruptly squeezed his eyes shut, trying to ignore the incredible rush he felt against his skin when they touched. "You and me. True love," she giggled. He could now feel her sweet breath against his lips as she went in for a kiss. Placing both hands on his face, Elena pressed her lips to his for just a second before slowly pulling away.

"Your cheeks are wet," she observed, her mood shifting. "Have you been crying?"

Stefan said nothing.

"What's wrong? Stefan?" She was suddenly overwhelmed by the terrifying thought that his memories had returned to him. What if he had now decided that he could not forgive her for what had happened with Damon now that he actually remembered his own feelings on the matter? Her entire body shook with fear, her heart starting to pound against its confining walls. He still had not spoken. "You're scaring me."

Stefan anxiously dragged his teeth along his bottom lip, an action Elena had never seen on him too often before. He averted his gaze and stared down at the slight empty space between their bodies. "Maybe we should have Elysia break the link."

"What?" Elena questioned, taken aback by his comment. "You heard what she said. If the link breaks… I don't want to stop loving you." Suddenly quite frantic, she reached to his sides and grabbed his hands tightly. "I don't want you to stop loving me."

"We don't even know if that will happen," he started, but Elena quickly interrupted him.

"I'm not risking it," she argued, her eyes burning through his, even in the darkness. "I lost you once. I'm not losing you again."

"You lost _him_. I'm not him, Elena." His chest tightened with every single word. "I'm not… I'm not the Stefan you fell in love with."

She desperately searched his eyes, confused by his sudden outburst. "Yes," she said, convinced. "Yes, you are. You're just missing a few mem—"

"A few memories?" he scoffed. "I'm missing my entire life. I've fallen in love god knows how many times. I've killed. I've lived over one hundred years and I don't remember most of it. When you met me—him—he had to be different. Changed. Who I am, now, it's not him. He's gone. I think I killed him."

"Stop it!" she said urgently, placing both hands against his face. "You listen to me, Stefan Salvatore. I don't give a damn if you remember me or a thing about who you are. I wouldn't give a damn if you woke up every single day and lost your memory." Hurriedly, she placed a chaste kiss against his lips. "I know who you are. To your core. And if _I_ forgot you right now, this second, I have no doubt I'd fall in love with you right on the spot. Just like you did."

He exhaled deeply, wrapping an arm around her waist to pull her closer to him. His forehead was pressed against hers, they were sharing oxygen, and he could practically feel her heart pounding. "That terrifies the hell out of me."

"Why?" she breathed, running her fingers along his neck, tangling them through the hair at the back of his head, holding onto him for dear life.

"Because I'm going to die, Elena. They're going to find us eventually. I can't bring you down with me."

"I don't care."

He kissed her once again. "And that's what terrifies me. I'm terrified because I hardly know ten things about you and everything in my body is telling me that I'd rather die with you than live without loving you." He could feel his eyes brimming with tears. "And I know that the old Stefan would put you first; he'd break the link as soon as he heard the option, wouldn't he? But I just don't know if I'm strong enough to do that."

Elena blinked slowly. "Then don't. The old Stefan was _too _righteous if you ask me," she joked, earning a small chuckle out of him.

"I've thought of a few options, you know," he began, not quite ready to lighten the topic yet, "to keep you alive."

Although she felt uneasy about what he was about to say, Elena nodded and urged him to continue.

Stefan released his hold on her and nervously ran his hands along his face. "We could break the link, find a way so that you stop loving me. I'll let myself die—I don't know, have Damon snap my neck. You'll be fine, and you'll be safe. They all want me dead, after all."

Elena's entire world shattered with the possibility of this scenario playing out. She felt the stinging, salty tears immediately well in her eyes and spill down her face. "No. You are not dying for me again." She could feel her shoulders shaking, her body beginning to convulse, but she tried to sit still and stay strong. She was not in an affectionate, comforting mood anymore. No, now she was angry. Furious. So furious she could slap him! "Why are you so eager to die? There's a way around this! I am not burying you again." She roughly pushed herself off of his lap, her hands trembling with rage. How dare he even bring up such a thing?

"I'm not even supposed to be here, Elena," he tried, looking anywhere but at her. He really wasn't too sure why it felt like such a simple option to him. "I'm meant to be dead. I wanted to die. Apparently I didn't want to be dragged back into this world!"

"This world!" she snapped, twisting her head around to send him a glare. Beneath the moonlight, he could make out her tears and her tears only. The rest of her face was indistinguishable. "You mean the world that _I _ruined for you? I'm sorry! How many times can I apologize before it makes a difference! I hate myself for that!" She could no longer fight the sobs that were wracking her entire body. Stefan wanted to swallow his words and erase them completely.

"_He _died for you. It's what he would do."

"Well that's not who you are anymore, Stefan! Stop trying to be _him_!" She clutched her head; it was pounding so hard it felt like it was going to explode. "You don't know the first thing about the man you were! He sure as hell would not find the easy way out like this! Just… stop! Please!"

He looked back out at the pool, every breath, every beating of his heart feeling like a difficult labor. He did not return her anger; he was very calm when he spoke. "I just don't know what to do," he said, his voice cracking. "I'm broken. I came back broken."

Elena glanced at him again, taking note of his exhausted posture and instantly felt bad for snapping at him like she did. Her anger quickly faded and she slowly crawled over to him, placing her hand on his cheek to turn him so that he was facing him. Why couldn't he just see that he was not broken at all? He was _beautiful, flawlessly flawed, _new. "You want to die to get these vampires off of your back?" She bit her bottom lip and ran her fingertips along his tear streaked face. "Then do it. Right now. You can break the link if you want, but it won't make a difference. I'll follow you." He opened his mouth, but she silenced him. "And I know that scares you, but we are in this together. Whether you like it or not. Here's your chance, Stefan."

He did not budge. Elena took that as a good sign.

"And I know you feel broken. I understand."

Stefan glanced down and reached for her hand, ever so lightly running his thumb along the back of her palm. "I need some fixing."

She sighed. "The old Stefan is in there. I know you find it hard to believe. But I'm sure."

"How?"

She abruptly pressed her lips against his, catching him by surprise. The electricity that immediately rushed through his body was proof enough. "You still love me even though you hardly know me." She kissed him once again. "My name is Elena Gilbert and my favorite color is green. I love staying up late and watching scary movies. I hate the way my voice sounds; it's too deep."

Stefan smiled. "I think your voice is perfect."

"I know," she replied. He'd said it plenty of times before. "Please, Stefan. We will find another option. Just promise me, please, you won't go through with that plan. I'm not letting you die again because of me." Her heart was racing again at even the thought. If he was still considering it she was pretty sure her world would completely break.

"We're in this together, right?" he repeated back to her, making a wide grin curl onto her lips. Immediately, she grabbed him by the face and pulled him into a rough, somewhat sloppy kiss. She gripped his hair tightly and crawled back into his lap and he quickly returned the kiss with equal fervor and hunger.

"I hate you," she whispered against his lips as she continued to kiss him more fiercely than ever before. She hated him; she hated him because he made her love her so much that he became her oxygen, her sunshine, her rain in springtime. Even the thought of him leaving her was enough to make her blood boil and heart explode. "I hate you." When she said it again, he only gripped her tighter, his fingertips digging into her waist as if to let her know that he was not going anywhere. The bond between them in this moment was so fierce, so electric that the air seemed to heat up with every passing second.

"I… love you," he muttered back to her against her lips, gripping her hips tightly and pulling away to place his hot kisses against her neck. Elena closed her eyes and leaned into his touch, running her hands beneath his shirt to feel the smooth, overheated skin beneath. He was here with her, and memories or not, the Stefan she loved, the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, was here, in her arms, on her skin. It was a euphoric, incredible sensation that she never wished to lose, and for the first time in a long while, she felt confident that she never would.

"Please, Stefan," she breathed, needing to feel him all over her skin, _in her veins,_ one more time. It had been so long since she'd been with him, since she'd felt his lips all over her body and had happily let herself drown in his love. "I've missed you so much..."

It was all she needed to say. In an instant, he had managed to get them both back to their feet, lips colliding in eager, needy kisses, reminding her of a tidal wave. Nearly blindly, they wandered through the door of the bed and breakfast, stumbling through the hallway, his hands already working at the hem of her sweater. After quite a struggle, they found their door. He trapped her body with his against room 110 and Elena laughed into the kiss. Never parting his lips against hers, with one hand on her waist and the other at the door, Stefan reached around until he found the knob, wasting a few more seconds to shower her lips and neck in kisses before opening the door and closing it behind them.

Elena found it quite hard to believe that his mind did not remember her. That night, as their love turned cosmic and the world around them burned away to ash, it felt as if no time had ever passed between them. Yes, Elena was right. Stefan was not gone; his body remembered hers.

* * *

_**AN: An emotional roller coaster for Stefan and Elena! True love always prevails.  
**_

_**Please leave a review! You all know how much it means to me :) Please let me know what you loved, hated, what you want to see, etc. Every comment inspires me so much! **_

_**Thanks! Xoxo!  
**_


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